Struggling a bit tonight!!!

[NMP1026]

Sorry this post is a little late but I feel I need to get it out. Well so far on this journey I've had a few wobbles but mainly been positive. Even though we've had tears we've also enjoyed a lot of very quiet and intimate moments where laughter is ours. Tonight I'm really struggling we start our treatment a week on Saturday. Tonight I'm in the company of a wonderful lady who is heavily pregnant and due at the end of July. I'm also struggling with the upcoming fathers day. I lost my dad in 2010 but Will I ever have that family feeling again? Or give that wonderful gift to my deserving other half?! We've also got a family party at the weekend I don't appear to be part of a family.

Sorry guys. I'm just wanting to be told it will be OK and a big hug. Wishing all you guys lots of luck and hapiness xxx

[Datak]

Oh sweetie, there are just some moments in time when the despair seeps in and there is nothing that can stop that - we have all those moments when it crowds in and catchest us out. Just remember the sun and strength you obviously have will come out again. You will survive this and things will be OK. Just ride these feelings out and give yourself permission to find it hard / be sad and I promise you will come out the other side. Giving voice to your feelings is the most important part of retaining your sanity through this xx massive hugs honey xx will be thinking of you xxxxxx

[NMP1026 in reply to Datak]

Aww bless you thank you so much for your lovely reply although it did make shed a tear. How are you getting on xxx

[_MrsC]

The family word is so hard isn't it? It's full of meaning! People ask if you have a family or worse yet will you have a family of your own which suggests you are stealing someone else's. That one always makes me feel like a scarlet woman despite having been with my oh for 14 years nearly. What I say now is yes I have my mum and my sister and we're very close with Nick's parents. It usually is enough to send the message and actually highlight how stupid what they've just said is without having to be rude. It's hard but try to remember you are part of a family. Even just you and your hubby are a family. I love my family of two with our two cats. We're small but perfectly suited and full of love and laughter (most of the time and when I'm not pumping a load of drugs through my system 😉). xxx

[NMP1026 in reply to _MrsC]

Hey

How are you? Sorry for the late reply I think I just needed a day to myself. I am feeling much happier today. It's amazing what a bit of sun can do! Thanks for your reply it made me smile. We've got 3 cats and I love our little family. As I say I'm positive most of the time it was just a wobble. Thanks again. Wishing you lots of luck xxx

[Rosalietea]

Sending massive hugs. Tough day all round with so many painful emotions. Everyone has a bad day or days so don't beat yourself up for feeling this way. It's just pretty horrible going through it but it will pass.

Maybe try to plan something with your OH that will make you smile or laugh so that you have something else to look forward to?

I hope you've woken up feeling much more positive this morning xxx

[NMP1026 in reply to Rosalietea]

Hey

How are you? Sorry for the late reply I've not been on the forum. I decided to treat myself to a couple of early nights and some cuddles with the cats. I'm feeling a bit brighter today. My OH and I have both agreed that we will make sure we get some us time this weekend so I'm looking forward to that. I hope you are Ok. Sending hugs xxx

[Rosalietea in reply to NMP1026]

Ah that sounds like a great plan. A bit of downtime, sleep and cat cuddles with a plan for something to look forward to. Well done xx

[NMP1026 in reply to Rosalietea]

Thanks hun and thanks for replying too. I've just noted from a different post where you are in your journey. How are you? I'm sending loads of hugs and luck xxx

[Rosalietea in reply to NMP1026]

Yeah feeling pretty emotional and still a bit negative I'm afraid. Trying to keep going til Sunday (test day) but feeling the anxiety building each day. Thanks for asking x

[NMP1026 in reply to Rosalietea]

Aww huni I hope you are feeling a but more positive today. I know that's a lot easier for me to say! I still have the luxury of distraction on my side. Take care. Sending lots of luck and baby dust xxx

[Sunshine09]

Just keep believing you will be a family one day, sometimes it just takes a little longer, you will get through it.❤🌈💋💋

[NMP1026 in reply to Sunshine09]

Thank you the bit of positive thinking I needed. Hugs xxx

[MichM]

Take good care of yourself, its natural to have good days and not so good days, sounds like you and your OH have a lovely relationship, you'll get through this together, wishing you well and sending a big hug ❤️ x x x

[NMP1026 in reply to MichM]

Awe thank you so much. I am a very lucky lady. Sending you hugs xxx

[CountryCat]

Sorry to read this...it is all so hard. My mother-in-law said something to me two weekend's ago which I thought was very telling. She admitted that she had never even given a second thought to not being able to fall pregnant. She fell pregnant twice within 1 month of trying (my hubby and his younger brother) and automatically assumed it happened that way for everyone. What has happened to us has really made her realise how fortunate she was. Some people have it so easy, so life can seem decidedly unfair. I know that you don't have your much-longed for baby yet, but you and your husband are family. Your close friends are family. Family is wherever there is love.

I am sure Sunday will be bittersweet for you and I bet loads of happy memories of your dad will come through. Take the day as it comes, know that you are going confidently in the direction of your dreams and I hope you feel stronger soon xx All the very best for your treatment!

[NMP1026 in reply to CountryCat]

Hi CountryCat

How are you?

Again a massive congratulations!

It's funny that you say that about your mother-in-law we have known about people going through IVF and we now acknowledge just hard it is. We both wish we had been more supportive of the other people. It really is lack of knowledge and understanding!

I am sure I will be OK on Sunday I generally use it to reflect on how lucky I am to have had such an amazing dad. I also know my OH would make the most loving, caring and devoted daddy (fingers crossed for this time next year) xxx

[CountryCat in reply to NMP1026]

I'm doing fine thanks...still not many symptoms, just peeing like a racehorse and am quite tired

My Ma also passed away in 2010...one accepts that they are gone, but there are difficult days...birthdays, anniversaries etc. and one never really stops missing them. I hope Sunday is not going to be too hard for you.

I am a really cynical person and I have had so many days of thinking: 'is it ever going to happen?' There is every chance that success is just around the corner for you! Looking forward to lots of happy updates in the weeks ahead xx

[NMP1026 in reply to CountryCat]

Aww bless you. I'm genuinely so pleased for you! I am sure the symptoms will start soon enough!

Aww sorry to hear abut your mum. It was 2010 for my dad and 2014 for my mum. You are so right I think you just learn to live with it! The amount of times I've wanted my mum over the last few months. But as my OH says 'unfortunately you are stuck with me'. Lol. Bless him!

I'm trying not to think about the next few weeks lol. I will end up over thinking and go into a melt down lol. Day by day. I do know this forum and the support is brill though so thank you xxx

[CountryCat in reply to NMP1026]

I am so sorry to read that you have lost both parents...that is extremely tough. 😖

You are about to embark on creating your own family, which may go some way to making you feel a part of something like that again. Your hubby sounds amazing and being in a loving, caring relationship is worth so much. Keep being there for each other...you can't go wrong!

Take great care and I wish you strength for the weekend xx Thank you for the good wishes 😘

[NMP1026 in reply to CountryCat]

Thank you so much. I am looking forward to seeing all your updates. Take care xxx