Many of you will have seen my recent posts regarding my bad news from my scans, I'm struggling to come to terms with the news.
I have just had a message from my brother to say he's going to be a dad again, he's got 2 twin girls also just under a year and my other brother's wife is pregnant with her third and is a week and a half infront of me, I really don't know how I'm going to get through the next few month's being surrounded by baby talk constantly thinking it should should also be me, really don't know what to do, I think I may have to stay away from my family for a while. I've mentioned before how big my family is,had a cousin give birth a few wks ago and 2 cousins also expecting xx
Thankyou for your message, I know its something we all have to deal with and sorry to hear you are going through it to. I wish I could stay locked away for the next 10 months or so!
Hey lovely, I’m so sorry you’re feeling so rubbish - it’s totally understandable!
If you need to take some time out for yourself, then do - I’m sure your family will understand (if they know what you’re going through).
Have you thought about seeing a counsellor? Maybe that would help get you through this.
I’ve not been in the position that you’re in (have been keeping up with your posts) so I can’t imagine what you’re going through! Life can be so cruel sometimes.
Thankyou for your message, I think your right I do need to speak to a Counsellor because I just don't now how to deal with all of these different feelings.
I've told the one brother as I'm really close to him and he's been lovely but my other brother not as sensitive so not going to tell him, my parents have been amazingly supportive and I'm hoping they will understand when I tell them I need to stay away..for my own sanity!
Its my birthday on Weds and have told mom to tell everyone I'm not well, I can't celebrate my birthday this year.
Apologies if I sound like a pity party I'm just in complete shock xxxx
I think you need to do whatever is right for you to get through this awful time. You defo need to put yourself first.
I’m glad you have some supportive family around you!
I’m so sorry that it may not be the best of birthdays for you this year.
And you don’t sound like a pity party at all - everything you’re saying and feeling is completely understandable! I’m just sorry you’re going through it.
I defo think seeing a counsellor will help you get to grips with everything you’re feeling.
I hope things start getting easier for you soon xxxxxxxxx sending loads of virtual hugs 🤗
Find a Councillor near you, or if you're not sure, I saw a wonderful lady who specialises in infertility issues (she knows so much and is so experienced and empathetic), she's based in Bristol and does Skype sessions if you're not close. I can pm you her details if interested. She helped me make sense of things a bit.
Thank you Magda,unfortunately I don't have access to Sype, I may see if I can find somebody local to Birm but I will definitely PM you if I need anymore information, glad she was able to help you x
So sorry to read this, but totally understandable - what you’re going through really is the cruelest!! 💔
I can’t offer any advice other than to say I know exactly how you feel - I had a MMC at 10wks in April and have just had a Chemical Pregnancy this month!! 😢 Alongside that my OH’s two best friends partners are expecting- 1 is due just 2wks after we would have been!! 😕
I’ve arranged to see a counsellor to see if it might help me, I’ve not had my first session yet tho - maybe it might help you also?! Take the time you need to heal, facing one day at a time!! xxx
I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriages, it is so hard and I'm sorry your also in the same predicament with dealing with other pregnancies at the same time,it doesn't get easier does it!!
How did you source your Counsellor? I really do think I need to speak to somebody,can you please let me know how you find it xxx
It’s such a tough thing to go through and the only advice I can give is to try focusing on getting through each day one at a time and not think any further forward than that at this stage!! That’s what I’m trying to do and I now have some good stronger days & still some very tough ones - but we’ll get there!! 😘
Of course I will, my app’mnt isn’t for a few weeks yet - it was through the hospital/fertility centre they have a dedicated counsellor!! xx
I think your right about taking one day at a time and I need to concentrate on getting through the next couple of weeks. My clinic is in Czech Republic so don't have access to a Counsellor but my company offer a phone Counselling service so I might give that a go.
I hope your sessions help and look after yourself xxx
My cousin is pregnant 7w I already knew but we were going out for a birthday so she wouldn’t be drinking and people would notice so texted me to tell me before to prepare myself. I was dreading it but she didn’t tell them until I went to the bar and didn’t talk about it in front of me but I was fine I’m happy for her and want her to be able to talk and get excited.
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Thankyou for your message, you sound like your being very strong x
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I am actually finding this mmc my 2nd easier emotionally somehow you’d think I’d be worse but I’m doing ok. My first I was a mess especially after af kept coming mth after mth I cried and cried.
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Really sorry to hear you've gone through 2 mmc's but glad to hear your doing as well as you can be emotionally.
I think I'm just feeling a wreck because my miscarriage is impending, waiting to go back to the hospital next Friday to find out what's next, im so scared!
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Ahh right its awful having to wait thinking the worse but I’m sure someone in here had the same and went back and was a heart beat so still have hope xxxx
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I've had 2 scans now,last one was 7+1 on Thursday and they still couldn't see anything inside the sac and hcg levels on increased by 45% so sadly next Fri scan is to air on the side of caution xxx
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Oh ok it’s really sad have you been through a lot to get to this stage too?
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The last couple of weeks have been really tough but I know all of us on here are going through/been through difficult times too x
Oh hun I really feel for you! It must be so hard coping with your news without being surrounded by new pregnancy announcements. It's bloody cruel! I do think that if you need time then you should take as much as you need. Big hugs my lovely!xxxx
Thanks Cinderella, I know once the little ones come along I will love them to bits as I do my other nieces and nephews I just know what its like with their previous pregnancies when we all get together I feel completely isolated.
Sorry to hear what you are going through. I know how tough it can be, all of mine and DH’s siblings are expecting and we sadly had a miscarriage 6 weeks ago.
Stay strong, take the time you need and counselling could be a good idea.
So sorry to hear about your miscarriage,its so painful. I don't know about you but I'm feeling a mixture of guilt and resentment at the moment and I don't like to feel like that, its awful that you are having to deal with the same situation!
Thank you for the offer of someone to talk to, same here if you do too xxx
Oh Clairenix, it's so hard. Agreed. There really isn't much we can say besides we agree and are here for you. Definitely think a bit of counselling and some "me" time is in order. Sending you huge bear hugs xxx
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Thank you Camillage, its good to know I have support. I told my mom today that I need some space away from the family and she understood, I feel relieved now I've made the decision to stay away for a while, my one brother knows but the other doesn't so will just have to keep making my excuses for a while.
Really feel for you. Its still early days having been on the rollercoaster you've had with the repeat scans. I said to my husband yesterday I wish we had got a BFN on this cycle rather than the hell we're going through right now.
I don't cope very well around pregnant people either. We're supposed to be going to Australia next week to stay with my sister in law who is 24 weeks. I'm not sure I can do it and even my husband realises that. I'm also not sure this whole rollercoaster of whether we're pregnant or not will even be sorted by then.
Its rubbish but just take the time to breathe and try to have a break from all this fertility nonsense.
We are in such a similar situation aren't we. I know what you mean, it feels like torture being in this limbo and if I were you I don't think I could stay with your sis in law next week, especially as you don't know what the next couple of weeks hold, I really hope everything goes ok for you tomorrow.
I'm going to take a break from my family and start back at the gym in a couple of weeks. I have decided that I want to go back to the Czech Republic as soon as we are able to try with our first FE x
Just put a post on to say that today we saw a heartbeat. Feeling very lucky and was thinking about you a lot today.
Still completely terrified that this will all be taken away from me and hard to explain how I feel to anyone.
I definitely recommend taking a break. I also want to get back in the gym as I just don't feel like myself but I'm too scared to do anything.
I know what you mean about trying again straightaway. I always felt like that. This time I knew that realistically we wouldn't be making it back to Spain until next January.
When I hear or someone tells me their expecting it’s like a kick to my stomach, I can’t help but feel resentful towards them as all I think is why do you work properly and I don’t? Why’s it so easy for others? Over the years I have distanced myself from many people which is sad but I can’t help it. I remove myself from social situations which will envolve baby talk or new baby’s mainly because it is a constant reminder but also to avoid the questions about when are we going to have children etc! Hope your ok, it is so difficult and you just need to find your own way to cope with it x
It really is tough isn't it, I too have avoided girls nights out because I know the majority of the night will be focused around their children and I can't contribute to the conversations and just come away feeling miserable.
I try my hardest not to feel resentful but it's hard isn't it!! X
Nothing I can say that hasn’t already been said - but you are so brave, still fighting through all this. Life is just so unfair with no rhyme or reason, sending you so much love and peace to give you the strength to do what you need to do to keep going. You sound so strong, maybe you don’t feel it but we all have strength that we find when we need to. Counselling sounds like a good idea.
Lots and lots of love, sorry for the useless reply, just wanted to send love xxxx
Thank you for your message...and was not useless at all, I don't feel very strong right now but you've made me realise that i/we must be to keep going. I'm not going to give up on this journey but need to take a bit of time out for a while.
It’s amazing the difference that time makes, after our first failed round I felt devastated and couldn't Even walk the dog without big fat tears rolling down my face, a red blubby mess - but as time went on I realised I was relieved - at least we had started the ivf, and things were finally happening after pushing for over 2 years to start and trying for four. Then suddenly, sorry if this is TMI, I actually started enjoying sex again - first time in years, literally and I relaxed. I think the key was realising the pressure wasn’t on me anyMore and just releasing that, by myself, made me a lot happier. We have unexplained infertility, so no idea why it wasn’t happening but we couldn’t do any more than we had. I know it’s easier said that done when you want something SO badly and are doing everything you can, but maybe every once in a while it helps to just let go?!? Just exist in the moment and enjoy it.
I seriously apologise if that sounds really knobby and the last thing you want to hear.
We are incredibly lucky our 2nd go, which was a natural frozen embryo transfer has worked so far, and I am 11 weeks - just hanging out for that 12 week scan, which isn’t for another two weeks - and praying it’s ok- every time I talk about it, i caveat it with ‘if all is ok’- certainly not out of the woods by a long shot and at 39, feeling very nervous about being an old Mum, if it happens.
Hey lovely, I’m so sorry you’re feeling so rubbish - it’s totally understandable! If you need to take some time out for yourself, then do. When I had my failed ivf last month I found that 2 of my good friend is pregnant withouteven trying. Also 2 of my husband good friends are expecting also that's four baby shower I have to attend. I really know how you feel so just try to take some time out for yourself. I wishing you all the best in scoping through this trying times. Just know that all of us are in this together if u need to vent feel free to come on and vent it helps a lot especiallywhen you'reventing to people who understand your struggles. Take good care of yourself. 💘💘💘💘💘
Take care of urself an maybe u need a little get away if you can just you and ur partner to just love on each other. Take care
The timing couldn't be worse, I'm so sorry to hear this - it's the very last thing you need. I don't think anyone would blame you if you have to distance yourself for a while xxx
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Hey hun, hope you are ok.
It is rubbish timing and I am going to make my excuses not to be around the family for a while, need to concentrate on myself over the next couple of weeks at least! Xxx
Hi, I can't tell you how I find all these stories of women like myself with issues alot Endo related. This illness for me. The damage to my body. My sad and difficulty with IVF and the drug/side effects. This illness, symtoms for me carry on into old age, no sign that its better or going! Every postive thing they told me has been miss guided vand mostly untrue. I've become hardened with a high pain threshold yet the disease still beats me down, but I fight back. I hear my story being told with the same lack of insight that I had years ago by young sufferers on this Blog, the miss information from these specialists. They haven't moved forward. You can't keep cutting it out, it spreads itself, it loves incisions, it loves Estrogen, Histamines, Soya. The treatment is the same, the drugs damaging, the answers unfound . . .45yrs on from when it started for me! It causes unbelievable pain, as it can't be seen others give us little support or comfort, employers can't UNDERSTAND, the DWP is hopeless. I can't work anymore, I'm unemployable, little sleep, painkillers that don't work, drugs that my body now has either damaged or caused symtoms to organs through longterm use of the brain hormones/enzymes with inflammation , pancreas and thyroid issues. When specialist said to me well we could remove your bowel, stomach, bladder and womb. I replied well what about my lungs its there too? . . . there was a silence! So that will stop it I said? They just don't know. . . it might! Great! Very helpful I thought!
I rant on.... I am sorry for you as I am sorry for every woman with these terrible problems that change our lives, our hopes and happiness.
Sending much love to you and hope your dreams happen.
Hey lovely I've just seen your update and I'm so sorry to read your going through this. The roller-coaster and all the waiting over the last weeks must have felt immense for you. And I'm surr it has taken its toll massively on you, in every way.
I think its wise to take some time out from the social gatherings that involve babies, bumps etc. Protect yourself until you feel in a better place. It's all too raw at the moment.
I get anxious at the thought of events where everyone has babies, small children or bumps. I've already told my partner that I wont be going to his parents this Christmas as we always do... the house is full of babies and toddlers as well as the addition of a new baby this year, of my sister/brother in law. So to reduce anxiety in the build up to Christmas, I just told them that this year I'll be going away and doing something else!
I was at a wedding yesterday which was bad enough, as the place was full of toddlers, babies and 4 heavily pregnant ladies. i thought Id be able to cope better, with it only being for a few hours. Instead I just ate my body weight in cupcakes and felt quite upset as some of the closer relatives just lacked sensitivity, even though they know we are currently going through my third miscarriage.
It's so cruel to go thru this and we ladies understand you and can relate, albeit our situations may be slightly different.
But ultimately we share so much of your heartache and wish it were possible to take it away from you with words. I know that's not possible really. But I hope some counselling and time to yourself helps you to build yourself back up again. Sending you big hugs, love and strength over the coming weeks 💖💖xxx
Thankyou for your message, it doesn't make ot easier knowing that you ladies relate to me, at times I feel like I'm completely over reacting.
I think you've made the right decision about Xmas, as you say you don't have to keep feeling anxious about it for the next few months, I was thinking the same about Boxing Day, its always a big family gathering with my siblings.
I am starting to feel better about it now I've made a conscious decision to stay away for a while.
Hi Claire, I can completely relate to what you’re saying. It’s very difficult dealing with pregnancies and new babies in your family, I still find it really hard to deal with and tend to distance myself at certain times for self preservation. I think you’re entitled to put your own needs first at the moment and have some space for yourself if needs be. I found talking these feelings through with a counsellor very helpful. It didn’t mean I never had those feelings again but it helped me deal with them a bit better and realise that it was normal to be feeling that way.
My sister in law ( whom I discovered was pregnant during our last IVF) has just given birth. I’m finding that hard. I haven’t been to visit yet and don’t know how I’ll manage.
Sending you lots of love and I’m thinking of you. Take good care xxx
Apologies for the delay, how are you doing? Have you made any plans to visit your sister in law, I'm sorry it must be really difficult for you too but glad to hear that you have found that counselling has helped.
I've got my scan this afternoon so after that will deal with whatever the outcome. I have stayed away from my family this week and that has helped so going to take some time to myself.
Hi Claire, I really hope your scan went ok this afternoon. I’m doing fine. I’ve no plans as yet to visit, although I know i’m going to have to bite the bullet so to speak pretty soon. If only to support my husband if he wants to visit. Lots of love xx
Hi my dear I’m so sorry that u r having to go through all this . But unfortunately that’s d irony if it all . That people around us r falling pregnant in a wink . I had myself booked for a Councelling session as it was too hard . And we r in such grave situation that no one but a professional needs to guide us through. It’s simply waste of time to think that time will heal or people near and dear will understand these kind of damages.
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