A week ago, I serenely promised myself that I would not clog up this board with posts like this in my 2WW. After all, I thought, how hard can it be??!! Well, I am sorry. 5dp5dt and here I am a quivering mess, trying hard to calm the ever- increasing terror that this has not worked. I have no symptoms whatsoever...in fact, apart from the bloating caused by the pessaries, I feel exactly the same. Not special. Not different. Not pregnant. I guess I was very naive because I have never been pregnant, that I thought somehow I would a) get all the textbook symptoms b) just 'know' we had conceived. Well I feel like it hasn't worked and it is sending me into a flat spin. I can't face peeing on a stick...my hands literally start to shake even thinking about my OTD, so I seem stuck in a sort of 'Schroedinger's baby' scenario at the moment. My beloved husband is so excited, I don't think I could cope with a negative outcome as he would make a responsible, caring, beautiful father and I feel like that dream is slipping further away with each passing day.
I don't know how you all do it. The blazing courage. I am just not a very brave person and terrified about how I will cope with a negative outcome. None of our friends have an inkling of what we've been through the past 3.5 years, my mum and darling nana are gone and my precious sister has challenging circumstances of her own, so although she does know, I try not to burden her too much. So if it wasn't for the angel ladies on this site, I think I would have had a nervous breakdown by now!!
I am sorry for the self-indulgent nature of this post but I keep waiting on some confirmation from the universe that this has worked, but it seems stonily silent.