Already feeling like a failure

[Hormomalmess]

I had my ET last Wednesday and now feel like I am about to come on my period.

Have been feeling like a failure for a long time now as it me that cannot get pregnant my OH is perfectly fine in that area.

It's so hard to deal with and i feel worse now because I feel the stress I have put myself under will lead to complete failure and I don't think I can put myself through this again for another round as much as I want this it's just too hard. I am meant to be relaxing and eating healthy and all I have done is sob, get angry and hardly eat a thing because of how I feel.

Everything just feels shit at the min. Don't even want to go back to hospital next week for the test as deep down I already know what the outcome will be.

[Sprinkles86]

Hey don't beat yourself up too much, ivf is a really difficult thing to go through physically and mentally! Take some time out to relax, read a book or just stare out of the window! You've done the hard bit now, getting to embryo transfer is a massive achievement xxxx

[_MrsC]

Hey Hun. It sounds as though you aren't feeling yourself at the mo and that's no surprise given the cocktail of medication you've been taking. I'm sure that is causing you to feel a bit negative. The 2ww is awful as you've got increased progesterone which means you get really really bad pmt basically. Try not to think it's over until you know for sure. I know it's so difficult but forgive yourself. You're putting yourself through a lot just going through the process. x

[Tugsgirl]

I don't want to get your hopes up unnecessarily but I had pmt pretty full on for two days during my tww, and just here and there afterwards and I got a bfp that cycle. It's not over until it's over. Good luck 🍀 x

[Hidden]

Oh, sweetie, don't worry about stress making things worse - you've done everything you could possibly do and worrying will NOT swing the balance one way or the other. Wishing you all the very best - don't give up yet! Xxxx

[Hormomalmess in reply to Hidden]

Thank you xx

[emu2016]

Don't give up on you or that little embryo just yet! Keep a bit of strength and hope to one side just in case

I've posted this phrase a lot at the moment...I can't remember where I first saw it.... "Expect the worse, hope for the best" xxx

[emmab178]

I had cramps, moods and felt ill. The last 4 days of 2ww I thought af was coming for sure and got a bfp. The moods I went from zero to hundred within seconds. No inbetween. (I'm still doing that!)

This is a really stressful time and. It's a huge amount of pressure. Have you taken up any counseling from your clinic?

Oh I also went immediately off healthy food and just ate carbs and cheese and you can't exercise so can't get stress out that way all doesn't help.

You are on the home straight, hang in there x

[Hormomalmess in reply to emmab178]

I am either raging angry or balling my eyes out!!

I haven't been offered any counselling at all and my gp suggested it today. She has just signed me off for two weeks, which is a relief for my boss. She was worried I would slap a colleague I think!! (She is prob right as I felt like doing just that this morning)

Every day feels like 3 when waiting.

It really is enough to drive a sane person crazy!!

Thanks for your reply xx

[emmab178 in reply to Hormomalmess]

Oh yes been and still in that stage. I went off on one in b and q about the self service check outs the other day. My husband (who is used to me kicking off) said even he was embarrassed. Lol. I think they deserved it, stupid machines. I didn't cry about that one though.

Not long left. Weirdly enough I found watching you've been framed really helped. It's the only thing that made me really belly laugh and cheer me up. I mean not the clips where people hurt themselves but the funny ones.

All other comedies I didn't even laugh at as I was in a foul mood.

Glad your gp signed you off soak up some sunshine and try and chill. Not long yet x

[Hormomalmess in reply to emmab178]

I have avoided supermarkets and similar places as I would see a trolley as a weapon to use on either stupid people or the self service checkout if an item didn't scan properly.

Shopping is being delivered for the foreseeable future or hubby goes and gets it!!

I will give YBF a watch tonight and see if I can finally crack a smile xx

[emmab178 in reply to Hormomalmess]

At the moment when my OH comes in from commuting he stinks and it makes me feel sick so he's having to have two showers a day bless him. At least this week when he breathes on me it is not so annoying where I consider smothering him with a pillow. That was just last week...lol

I really hope this is all drug induced thoughts and not that I have completely lost it.

Mind you I got a call that I was involved in an accident that wasn't my fault today and I had an opportunity to let rip there.

[Magc27]

Hi

Don't beat yourself up, IVF is not easy it takes bravery. Try to relax and stay positive, I know it's easier said then done.

Good luck xx

[72cloud9]

The meds can really screw with your moods and pmt and pregnancy can feel the same so it's not over til it's over.easier said than done I know but try to find something to C you your mind-a good tv show, a good book, cuppa with a pal. Big hugs and good luck xxx

[skatty]

This could have been me posting... Feel exactly the same esp when I consider how much this is costing us financially and emotionally. In a weird way you feeling like this reinforces that it is completely natural to feel so mood-swingy and I guess all Iwe can hope is that it isn't the 'sign' of it not working. Lots of hugs x When are you going to test?

[hellokitty33]

Hey, I hope you are OK. Try and remain positive. I know that is easy for me to say but Hope is what keeps us going. My AF is due on Thursday and I'm sitting waiting impatiently thinking should I just take a test and get it over with? This is my 1st cycle of IUI and I think I have gone through every emotion possible. Some days i have felt like you and wanted to give up and others I have tried to remain positive. I'm so tempted to go and buy a test... xx

[skatty in reply to hellokitty33]

Hang in there - at least until Thur - as a negative right now could be a false negative for sure. My official test date is Monday and still planning to hold out but like you AF would normally be due Thur. That said I'm IVF so you wouldn't necessarily expect early bleeding because of the progesterone we take.

[hellokitty33 in reply to skatty]

Hey, I'm going to wait as long as I can. Are you going to hold out until Monday? x

[Hormomalmess in reply to hellokitty33]

I am going to wait as if I do it and its negative I just won't bother going Monday for real one x

[Hormomalmess in reply to skatty]

I am also ivf so I guess I won't have a clue until Monday. I am going to try and resist testing until we go back Monday.

[hellokitty33 in reply to Hormomalmess]

Wait until Monday if you can. I'm going to hold out and wait too. Good Luck x

[Hormomalmess in reply to hellokitty33]

i will wait if you wait!! Good luck Thursday Hun. Got everything crossed for you xx

[hellokitty33 in reply to Hormomalmess]

So it's Wednesday and I haven't caved in. How are you doing? xx

[Hormomalmess in reply to hellokitty33]

Still not tested yet. I could do it Sunday as that's when I am officially due to test but hospital not testing until Monday. Serious will power required!!! Xx

[hellokitty33 in reply to Hormomalmess]

Well done.... I could maybe do it Monday then if hospital test on Tuesday..It's going to be a long weekend xx

[Hormomalmess in reply to hellokitty33]

I am currently cleaning to keep me occupied but only so much of that you can do!! I am going to try and wait til Monday still but if I cave in Sunday then it's not that bad xx

[hellokitty33 in reply to Hormomalmess]

Could you come clean my house too lol that would be awesome if you got to Sunday. I have taken tomorrow off work so that I'm not tempted to go buy a test in my lunch hour. xx

[Hormomalmess in reply to hellokitty33]

I am a bit of a weirdo and actually like cleaning!!! So it really would be a pleasure lol.

No testing!!! What time is yours booked for? Xx

[hellokitty33 in reply to Hormomalmess]

I like to clean too, I clean before my clean lady comes over.... the OH thinks I'm crazy...!

I have to call them on Tuesday and they will give me a time to go in... the suspense, i just want to know xx

[skatty in reply to hellokitty33]

How are you ladies doing today? Sorry I haven't logged on for a while but this thread has made me laugh with your cleaning distractions! I've got an important exam on Wed so revising for that is keeping me a bit distracted. Wouldn'trecommend it though my plan a) is still Monday but if I can't help it I might test on Sun instead x

[hellokitty33 in reply to skatty]

Hey Skatty,

I'm doing ok AF made an appearance today so no need for a test.. it was my first go at IUI. Let's hope the next cycle works. I only had one follicle, so think I will need to up the meds.

Keep me posted on your test. Xx

[skatty in reply to hellokitty33]

Sorry to hear but sounds like you're being positive. All the best for your next cycle x

[hellokitty33 in reply to skatty]

Thanks xx

[Hormomalmess in reply to hellokitty33]

I nearly walked into Superdrug today to buy a test. Think I best start cleaning again!!

My test is 3:15 Monday and they want my sample from first wee of the day, do you think it needs to go in the fridge in the day or will they be happy with stale wee?

Hope you get an early appointment Tuesday Hun Xx

[hellokitty33 in reply to Hormomalmess]

Hey hey, AF came today so no need to test. At least I know it hasn't worked.

Start cleaning immediately 😂

I think it's the first odd of the day because it's been sitting overnight (if that makes sense) so they can detect the hormones etc. I think it'll be ok at room temperature xx

[Hormomalmess in reply to hellokitty33]

Hey

Does AF mean period? Still not up to speed with all the abbreviations. Xx

[hellokitty33 in reply to Hormomalmess]

Hey, yeah Anti Flo - period... so back at the clinic for a scan and hopefully up my medication too as I only had 1 follicle. Which is ok for the treatment but with IUI 2-3 follicles it better. More targets for the sperm to fertilise 😂 x

[Hormomalmess in reply to hellokitty33]

Oh Hun, sorry to hear that. I think my drugs stop me having a period so I won't get any clues.

Got everything crossed for you for your next round. Will you start straight away? Xx

[hellokitty33 in reply to Hormomalmess]

That's ok. I had a feeling it was coming. All the signs were there.

You've not got long to go now. Hold on in there. You can do it.

I'm booked in for a scan tomorrow and start back on clomid for 5 nights. Xx

[Olivia1980xxx]

Hey hormomalmess . IVF Journey is not easy . I remember my first cycle ...I felt like failure too I was devastates . We went through second cycle last year and now I'm 35 weeks pregnant with my little girl . I was nervous with my last cycle ...all 2ww I felt like I'm gonna have period ...I didn't have much sign that works ...on my test day I wake up with period pain ...I was like 95% sure that this is it for me is over ....but turn different . Please Hun I know is not easy but try to stay positive and relax . When is your test day ? Xxx

[Hormomalmess in reply to Olivia1980xxx]

Congratulations Hun, that's great news. Xx

I have my test on Monday.

I have had really bad period pains for 3 days now and just dread going to the toilet in case I have bled. Xxx

[Olivia1980xxx in reply to Hormomalmess]

Thank u Hun . In my first cycle I didn't have none like zero symptoms. I didn't felt nothing . With this one I had pretty much all way through like period pain ...every time I felt that I lay down on side I smooth my belly saying shh "mommy is here"...☺ On day 6/7 I think I sow little bit pink discharge when I wipe and then brown one . I think that was sign of implantation . I did cry day before test that I don't feel anything that I don't feel it works ... and like I wrote before on test day I was 95% sure I'm going to have period . I know is hard but in my case turn positive ...and could be positive in your case too but try to stay relax Hun ...and don't test early ...I didn't . Xxx