Nerves and pregnant friends

[ShellyC]

Hi all. After getting hyperstimulation I have had a couple of months of getting back into the swing of things and am currently preparing for frozen embryo transfer which is planned for next Thursday. I have been feeling really positive mentally and amazingly not too emotional!

But already I am dreading the 2ww. And this evening one of my best friends told me she was pregnant, I think on their first month of trying. It just so happens that I am spending this Saturday with her, and Sunday with my husbands best friends who are also pregnant. I am obviously over the moon for them all, and would never wish anyone to have trouble conceiving. But it does feel like a punch in the gut when you hear someone else is pregnant, and I am now dreading this weekend which I was looking forward to. Has anyone got any words of wisdom or coping strategies for these situations? And how did people cope before and during the 2ww? I am not looking forward to it!

Thinking of you all on your journeys xx

[Linda78]

Hi Shelly,

So know how you are feeling - just been on a hen weekend where everyone either had kids or are pregnant and are all due about the same time and the first night I was having to start my stims and was trying to work out how to mix menopur whilst they were waffling on around me - nearly lost the plot! Totally understand the feelings you described - you don't wish others to have difficulties but it is so unfair how easy it seems for some and how very difficult it is for others 😩!

Have you tried hypnotherapy? I was recommended a hypnotherapy cd called belief by Helen Macpherson and I find it so calming - have recommended it to others in a fertility support group I attend and others are finding it really helpful too! I'm currently waiting for transfer on Saturday after EC and have listened to it about 10 times today!

All the best for next Thursday x

[ShellyC in reply to Linda78]

Thanks Linda. The hen party situation sounds utterly horrible, well done for managing it! Thanks for the hypnotherapy recommendation, I ordered it online last night so looking forward to it's arrival, anything calming and positive will be great. Good luck for your transfer xx

[ch319]

This is the hardest part for me dealing with other people's happy news. Like you I am happy for them but I also get frustrated that it's not me and then jealous that I don't get to tell people I'm pregnant. I have no coping mechanism other than a good cry. It is a tough situation xx

[MDC1]

Hi Shelly,

Totally understand how you're feeling. I started my stims the same day that I was helping to throw my friend a baby shower, attended by lots of our other friends who were pregnant or who had kids. It was really difficult. I allowed myself to have a bit of a cry beforehand, then put my best foot forward whilst there, and also gave myself permission to leave early. I know that might be difficult for you on a weekend away but perhaps it might help to have a 'toilet break' and take some time out if things are feeling too much. Also, whilst the conversations was naturally very focused on babies, I would also afterwards try to talk about other things as well (whilst not trying to take away from the nature of the event).

Have you spoken to your husband about how your feeling? Stay tight and draw strength from each other would be my tip. It's a really significant time that you two are going through together.

Wishing you the best of luck for your transfer xx

[ShellyC in reply to MDC1]

Poor you, organising a baby shower must have been so tough! Well done for getting through it. Unfortunately whilst my husband is a wonderful man and an incredible husband he is slightly lacking in the emotions department and so struggles to support me when I am finding things difficult. I know he is finding it hard too but deals with it in such a different way to me (buries it deep down inside and ignores it!) that it has been causing some tension unfortunately. I think because physically it is all so much more woman focussed he feels rather left out and redundant. I have wonderfully supportive friends and family though. Thanks for the tip on taking a break, I will take my running kit and find an excuse to get out on my own for a bit! xx

[Lizzielizzielizzie in reply to ShellyC]

Maybe your husband could give both sets of friends the heads up that you will find it easier if conversation is not about pregnancy/babies? Of course this depends how much they know about your struggles, but they might appreciate a clear message? Xx

[72cloud9]

Bless u Hun, I've just cancelled a coffee morning this morning with my 2 friends with babies. Doesn't always get to me but just couldn't deal with it today!!

But soon it could be u giving everyone good news!! Not long to go now and I wish u best of luck for 2ww and a BFP xxx

[ShellyC in reply to 72cloud9]

Thank you. I don't blame you for cancelling, sometimes it is just a bit too much to face isn't it. I am sure your friends understand, mine have all been great on the whole. Thanks for the motivational words, I must stay positive! xx

[Kelc86]

Hi, I'm not the best to offer advice on coping with pregnant friends I'm afraid as I've struggled with everyone around me falling easily during the almost 5 years I've been ttc. I had to wait almost 3 months to have my first transfer as I was close to hyperstimulating, so they had to freeze all my embryos. I was devastated at waiting even longer at the time but I'm so glad it worked out that way now. I'm happy to say I'm now 5+2 with my first baby and over the moon! I struggled in the 2ww, was googling loads and on forums like this, but trying to stay away by watching box sets and relaxing instead. Luckily I had quite a few symptoms so I was fairly sure it'd worked but it was still a tough wait as I've never been pregnant before and wasn't sure that it wasn't all in my head! Haha I visualised myself as pregnant while seeing pregnant friends close to ivf and also stayed positive that I was pregnant and acted as if I was immediately after transfer, so it felt like the test was just the confirmation of it. Best of luck for your transfer xx

[Ketajean]

Ive been thinking about this alot the last couple of days. It was great being able to read all of your responses. I haven't seen my close group of friends since one of them told us all that she was pregnant. Its soo hard and soo confusing emotionally. 2 of them have lil ones and now my trying to concieve buddy finally got her bubba wish i feel so alone (so lucky to have all of you). We've been trying longer than her and as much as I'm over joyed for her im so frustrated and disappointed that it's not me. For now I'm just going to keep avoiding them all. No-one has seemed to notice yet well they haven't said anything. But I'm just scared that i wony cope being in the same room with all the baby talk. So heart breaking. So my thoughts will definitely be with you. If you find a good way to cope please let me know. I wish you luck and love. One day it will be our turn. Xxx

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I just think it's awful that we have to pre consider our sanity and emotions before we put ourselves in the situation with babies and pregnancies, it's just crazy.

My partner also chooses to bury his emotions too so I know its hard when you just want to be close to them and able to talk honestly about how your feel.

I think you need to put yourself first and if it's too much just have an excuse and say you need to lie down because you don't feel well or like you say going for a run then you can have a moment and a little cry if needs be. Hopefully you will have a nice weekend away and have something to occupy you for a few days before your 2ww xxx

[ShellyC]

Hi all. Thank you so much for all your supportive words and suggestions. I actually have had a lovely weekend, with only a couple of small wobbles! To be honest it has made me realise the anticipation of seeing pregnant friends/children is worse than the actual event! So I am going to try and remember that for next time. I luckily also have very supportive friends who know about our situation, and they were all very sensitive and I could tell they were all making an effort to avoid baby chat which I really appreciated. I also decided to message them before I got there on Saturday warning them I was artificially menopausal, up to my eyeballs in oestrogen and that I was a bit of an emotional wreck and I think that helped. Thanks again for all being there and reassuring me my feelings are normal xxxxx