I'm going mad - 2WW torture - Fertility Network UK

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I'm going mad - 2WW torture

HollieW
HollieW

I'm actually going mad. This 2ww is driving me crazy. I'm only 5 days post transfer and I've already decided it's not worked and I can't shake this feeling. I was adamant I wasn't going to test early but I can't see how I am going to hold out until Monday when the last 5 days have felt like 5 years!

I haven't had too many symptoms but feel very crampy today on my right side like I'm about to start my period.

I'm not sure how I will cope with a BFN as the prospect of it not working again is terrifying. I have hardly told anyone about this transfer as telling everyone it's failed is so hard so at least I won't need to tell everyone if my suspicions are confirmed.

Sorry for the moaning post, I'm feeling very sorry for myself. I'm back to work tomorrow so I'm hoping the distraction will help me!

Good luck to everyone else out there and hopefully those on their 2ww haven't gone as bat s**t crazy as me!!

56 Replies
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Totally with you on this one! I’m on day 6 and can’t help but feel it hasn’t worked again!!! I’m guessing it’s normal to feel like this!!

I’ve had pains on day 2&3 headaches, hot sweats at night and strange dreams too! Oh and so bloated, but putting all this down to the pessaries xxx

I've had pretty much the same as you but had all this last time and was a BFN so fully expecting it again sadly. It's so hard. Wishing you lots of luck xx

I didn’t have this with my fet but had most with my first transfer!! Which ended in a chemical so I don’t no what to think right now xx

It's a mind f**k that's for sure. I've been pregnant twice (both ectopic). First time I knew I was pregnant (unplanned - how ironic now!) As really sore boobs, nauseous and really tired. Second time no idea and only knew when the pains started which I instantly recognised and only found out at hospital as I took myself straight to A&E and within an hour I was in theatre. Weirdly my HCG was higher the second time. Therefore you never do know what is going on! Xx

You're both getting to the halfway stage and that's when you fall into despair and convince yourself it hasn't worked. It happened to me and if you browse through other posts you'll see a clear pattern - it happens to everyone.

Honestly, symptoms don't mean anything, there's no way to know. You convince yourself it hasn't worked kind of like you're bulletproofing yourself against disappointment, like you're already prepared for the worst so it won't break your heart. It's self-protection.

I know how hard it is to stay positive, but please be aware that just because you have a gut feeling it's failed really doesn't mean it has.

Best of luck to you both and I hope the rest of it flies by with lovely BFPs at the end of it!!

Thank you. You are of course right and I'm the first to tell others when they feel despondent not to give up. It's just different when you are in it yourself. Fingers crossed for all of us on here 🤞 It's never easy! Xx

That’s so interesting, I hadn’t thought about it like that but it sums up what’s been going on with me - you start off very positive, relieved your embryo is inside and in the best place, then start getting hopeful about implantation and googling every single symptom, then realise how insane it all is and convince yourself there’s no way it could have worked! I’m already looking at new protocols and exploring other options.

I'm only day 1 post transfer and I don't know how I'm going to make it counting down. It's my own Xmas advent calender countdown more like! I've had a weird morning high libido dream! Not much cramps at all today

Goodluck!

Thank you. Good luck to you too! Xx

The tww is from hell. Time stands still. If it’s any consultation on all three of my bfps I’ve had af type cramping xx

HollieW
HollieW
in reply to Tugsgirl

It really is. I question my sanity at times playing over different scenarios. I hope cramping is the sign of a BFP but can't help but feel negative! Xx

Tugsgirl
Tugsgirl
in reply to HollieW

If it feels EXACTLY like your af then that’s always been a very positive sign for me xx

Hi Hollie. I’m in the bay sh*t crazy club here too. I’m now only on day 3 but every evening I’m googling 2ww signs and symptoms and timelines despite the fact that this is my 5th transfer following 4 BFNs and I already know that feeling nothing means nothing or something and that feeling something means nothing or something. Nothing is normal. Cramps are normal. Stabbing I think can be normal. AF cramps are normal. Spotting is normal. Nothing means your pregnant, nothing means you’re not. It’s one massive headf*ck. when you feel nothing you worry, when you feel something it’s like your period is starting or you’re having implantation. It’s a terrible biological trick that being pregnant feels the same as having your period. What a joke. The 2ww feels like a thousand slow years of hell. And when it is time for testing, you can barely look for fear. Feel free to message me privately at any time anyone on the 2ww with any crazy questions, symptoms or rants. I hear you loud and clear!!!! I’ve had stabbing in my right ovary or right side all afternoon today now nothing. I mean what the?! All I know is that you will get through the 2ww, and if it’s a BFN you’ll be able to cope with it and you’ll find the strength to go again. Laugh and cry with us on here xxx

HollieW
HollieW
in reply to Scarlett13

Thank you for your great post. Everything you say is true. I've kept off Google so far as I did it excessively last time and that drive me senile but it's hard as I've had a lot of weird pains this time in my wrists, armpits and feet. I've also had hot boobs! However, regardless of what Google says it could mean something or nothing. It's so hard and like you say it's so cruel that period pains are similar to pregnancy. It's also cruel that the drugs can replicate symptoms of pregnancy too. Like you say whether happens I can get through it I just hope I can catch a break xx

Scarlett13
Scarlett13
in reply to HollieW

PS hot boobs 😂

HollieW
HollieW
in reply to Scarlett13

😂😂 I've got a way with words! Xx

“feeling nothing means nothing or something and that feeling something means nothing or something” - exactly!! That’s my train of thought over the past few days. I’m 6dp3dt and going slowly insane...

Ah you are the same as me! You do go insane but am feeling slightly better than I did yesterday but know I will probably be back to being negative tomorrow xx

Scarlett13
Scarlett13
in reply to HollieW

Glad you’re feeling a bit better. I’m ok today - stabbing has stopped x

Good luck!!!!! X

HollieW
HollieW
in reply to Scarlett13

Yes my stabbing pains stopped at day 4 and then became weird period pains which comes and goes so still none the wiser as to what is going on with my body! Xx

Sounds very similar to me. I was having stabbing pains which I was hoping was a good sign, but then they were accompanied by stronger, more AF like pains. I was worried about how strong those were and if it was a sign something was wrong (maybe just the progesterone though). Those come and go. The stabbing pains haven’t been as strong the last couple of days and sometimes I don’t feel anything at all which worries me even more - it’s such a catch 22! Argggh! 🤪

Absolutely. You worry when you feel something and worry when you don't! I've been really nauseous today but then I was last time and it was a BFN so nothing is a given. I just have to hope and pray it's my turn 🤞 xx

Scarlett13
Scarlett13
in reply to HollieW

Fingers crossed xxxxx

Hey. Well I was adamant it hadn't worked I felt nothing. Sore chest but put that down to the pessaries I felt like it was game over. I decided just to do a test at 6dp5dt just for the hell of it and it came back positive and the lines have been getting stronger each day so dobt give up!! X

HollieW
HollieW
in reply to jenna-mcf

Thank you lovely. It's the mental exhaustion of it all xx

Aww... I know the pain of the 2ww... I’ll be having my 4th transfer all being well, mid February time and am dreading that part!! It really tests my patience, as I like to know what’s going on and have some control.

You just can’t read into stuff during the wait! Sending you lots of positive vibes 💕 xx

HollieW
HollieW
in reply to Lou7744

Thank you and good luck for your next transfer! Xx

I’m 3dp and have also convinced myself it hasn’t worked because I have no symptoms - last time with my chemical I had strong cramps on 1dp and 2dp... your mind just winds you up! Crampy feelings might be implantation for you!! I’m hoping for cramps as it’s been my telltale sign the 3 tines I’ve conceived. Good luck!!!xxx

HollieW
HollieW
in reply to Orla9298

Thank you. I'm hoping it is but you just convince yourself that it's over. Good luck and fingers crossed we both get that BFP 🤞 xx

Scarlett13
Scarlett13
in reply to Orla9298

I’m 3dp too, good luck!!!! X

I’m only 2dp5dt and I can definitely join you in the going bat sh*t crazy club! This is my 4th transfer and the thought of another BFN is terrifying!! I also find day 5 onwards the hardest. You are doing brilliantly. I have everything crossed for you, keep going, you’ve got this 💜💜💜

HollieW
HollieW
in reply to Beechnut1

Thank you. It is so tough and you are right 5 days on is harder as you start panicking then! Fingers crossed for you too! 🤞 xx

Wish you the best of luck babes! Be patient will all be worth it! Sorry to ask but do the hospital say is it an actual 2ww or 10-11 day wait to otd?

HollieW
HollieW
in reply to Anniebells

Thank you so much. Otd is 11 days as 5 day blastocyst was transferred xx

Hi HollieW, only just read your text but OMG what is it about the 5 days, I'm 5 days today and ironically been awake since 5 this morn been totally irratic not so much thinking it hasn't worked but been really angry with everyone and their dog and close to tears, had to have a word with myself...I'd been really good up until today!!

Youve got this and can stay strong (she says haha), as the others have said cramping can be a good sign. My clinic said I can't test till 21st which is 14 days, I think some people are advised they can test after 10 days is that correct?

Fingers crossed for a good result xx

HollieW
HollieW
in reply to Clairenix

Yes it seems 5 days is the tipping point. Felt really low yesterday. My clinic do not advise testing until 11 days which is a blood test as the home tests can sometimes give a false negative. However, I think FRER tests are pretty accurate and the temptation to test early is getting overwhelming tbh. Lots of luck to you and fingers crossed for that BFP for both of us 🤞 xx

Clairenix
Clairenix
in reply to HollieW

I haven't heard of FRER tests I'll have to try and find them.Last time I did a blood test at 10 days but that's because I'd been bleeding so clinic told me to test early, my clinics abroad so have booked a gp appointment on the 21st but receptionist said not sure if the go does blood test got pregnancies,blast time I paid privately but I'm trying to save some pennies if I can!!

Do you have things planned for the rest of your wait to TRY and occupy you although I know it's always on your mind!!! I'm off work till Mon and then break up Weds for Xmas xx

HollieW
HollieW
in reply to Clairenix

I'm going back to work today. I'm a solicitor and have a huge case load and trying to be off and having people ring me is more stressful than being at work and tbh I need a distraction.

I'm off the weekend and Monday as we are going away as the clinic is an hour and a half from when we live so staying up Sunday night in a nice hotel before the blood test on Monday in the hope I can distract myself as I know I will be climbing the walls!

FRER tests are First Response and more sensitive meaning you can test up to 6 days before your period is due in a normal pregnancy. Everyone on here recommends them xx

Clairenix
Clairenix
in reply to HollieW

Thankyou for that, I will pick up a couple.

Distraction is good although I'm trying to avoid checking my work emails!! Nice idea to stay over in s hotel, hopefully it will make you feel lovely and relaxed, I will look out for your update xx

Oooh fingers crossed to you too xx

HollieW
HollieW
in reply to Clairenix

🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞

Oh Hollie you saw my post yesterday I know EXACTLY how you feel. Definitely don’t test, I caved yesterday and it’s just made the whole thing 1000 times worse.

Sending you good luck vibes and lots of ‘I know how you feel’ hugs xx

HollieW
HollieW
in reply to Daisy1245

Thanks I haven't tested and my resolve is a bit stronger today plus my husband would kill me as we both promised not to test early again xx

I’m in the 2WW and on day 5 myself so I know exactly how you feel! Came home from an acupuncture appt in tears as my acupuncturist, who is normally amazing and I’ve loved seeing her, said “hmmmm, your pulses haven’t changed, still don’t worry coz you have lots of embryos frozen” WTF! Way to knock my confidence at this stage! This is my first FET after my fresh cycle failed and I’m desperately trying to keep myself busy and distracted while not overdoing it and also staying zen and eating organic food and avoiding sugar and heavy lifting and basically turning myself into a crazy lady! Poor hubby! What a roller coaster we are in ladies! Hang in there and positive vibes to you all x

HollieW
HollieW
in reply to Megaleg

My reflexologist is a bit like that as when she asked me how I was and I told her I was feeling anxious she had a go at me saying being anxious won't help. I explained I knew that but I couldn't help how I felt!!!! It's so difficult this process and wishing you lots of luck!!! 🤞 xx

Megaleg
Megaleg
in reply to HollieW

Right back at you x Hang in there!

HollieW
HollieW
in reply to Megaleg

You too! Xx

Hi Holly,

It's too early to get a bfp yet, I got mine 8dpt and it was very faint until today 11dpt. Stay strong I'm getting cramping too and I was convinced it hadn't worked but hoping now it has. I have my Beta Friday morning and then some bloods to which I will get the results on Monday. Good luck xxxx

HollieW
HollieW
in reply to Ellie5

It is and I'm not going to test early no matter how much I want to. My blood test is booked for Monday and I will know definitively by then. Congratulations on your BFP and hope HCG results are really high xx

Hi Hollie,

This is our 3rd cycle and it doesn’t get eaiser I’m afraid to say. I’m 12 dp 5dt and have had bad period pain cramps all day. This happened to me on the last two times so I am predicting I’m out. OTD is Saturday but I can’t wait that long and will be testing with clear blue in the morning. This will be the end of our NHS funding so, so sad.

Have you taken up any new hobbies. Online scrabble/ word with friends is a good one. It also keeps me off the forums which I’ve also tried to avoid this time around until now!

Good to be back in work.. the day will go much quicker for you. Fingers crossed and baby dust x

HollieW
HollieW
in reply to welshone83

It certainly does not. I hope that you do get that BFP. I'm going to try not to test but my resolve is definitely weakening xx

great post HollieW and great thread ladies!! Some really amazing messages. I’m in the same crazy 2WW boat and it’s really comforting a lot of the things whizzing through my mind are the same as others. As of tomorrow (Thurs) i’m 7 days past 5 day transfer. Really feel every single emotion you’re describing! Crazy amounts of progesterone is not helping either (i’m on cyclogest pessaries and lubion injections) , which is definitely effecting my mood and outlook. Stay strong ladies!! WE CAN MAKE IT THROUGH THIS!!!

HollieW
HollieW
in reply to Qwerty2018

Thank you. It is so bloody tough. I'm at exactly the same stage as you as I had my transfer last Thursday. Fingers crossed we both get our BFP 🤞 xx

I had my embryo transfer last Saturday (after first round of IVF) , I have been suffering with migraines since Saturday just gone and today I have spotting and pelvic cramping and have felt like my period is starting. I feel devastated and partially numb like it's only confirming what I already knew. People tell me not to be negative but I'd rather not get my hopes up and they don't seem to understand. All the while, people are posting their Christmas miracles where they're expecting their 3rd or 5th child! Whilst I know they aren't of course trying to be insensitive, I feel like it is terribly unfair when plenty of people are desperate just to have one! Feeling quite isolated as I have nobody to speak to who understands, my partner already has 2 children from previous relationships and doesn't seem bothered. When I told him I had blood, he hasn't rushed home to see me, which only makes me feel worse! My heart goes out to you and all the others who are undergoing or have undergone IVF. It is hard to stay strong xx

HollieW
HollieW
in reply to Trucaller

It is hard to stay strong. It could very well be implantation cramps and bleeding so try not to worry too much. It's still early days. I hope you have lots of support as this process is so tough xx

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