Struggling with pregnant people whilst ttc

Hi everyone,

This is the first time I've posted on a board like this and thought i'd give it a try...

My husband and I have been trying for about a year now and have still not yet fallen pregnant.

I am just really struggling with other people who are pregnant or have announced pregnancies. I feel really guilty about it. I want to curl into a ball and just hide and cry. Being around them is really challenging as every now and then I feel like I need to break down crying.

I know that there will be a lot of other people who are struggling with their own journeys but right now for me this feels like a never ending journey of disappointment

Thank you to anyone who read this

Kelly

19 Replies

oldestnewest
  • Hi

    Don't feel guilty as it is perfectly normal to feel this way. I was exactly the same and had to come off Facebook for almost a year as all I saw was babies and children posts. I had a miscarriage and a girl at work was due the same time I would have been and I used to go to the toilet to cry every time I saw her. My husband couldn't understand the jealousy and it has got easier now but I have avoided baby showers and anything too much to do with pregnancy. Xx

  • Thank you so much for the reply

    I'm glad it's not just me who want to scream and then run and hide. I can't imagine what you have been through. I am a little like this at the moment I am working within a building that has 3 people all expecting and I find it more and more challenging the longer it is that we don't conceive.

    I know that one day I will be a mum it's just the length of the journey it takes me to get there that I'm struggling with.

    Hope all goes well with you sending lots of baby dust...

    Xx

  • You're totally normal. My husband became a grandfather before we got lucky and it was one of the hardest things I've ever been through. My friends were having kids and it was awful as I'd go home from baby showers and cry and cry.

    It'll be your turn soon x

  • Hi

    Wow! That must have been so hard. I find it hard with the fact that a lot of my colleagues who are pregnant weren't even thinking about kids and a year later I'm still not and they are.

    I'm lucky at the moment that I haven't had to go to any baby showers, but I'm sure it will be a challenge when the time comes.

    Thank you

    X

  • Just remember that it'll be your baby shower one day and not to give up x

  • I've just written a post similar, in a way, to yours. A friend has just told me she is pregnant with her second and although I am happy for her, inside I am screaming and shouting - why can't it be me!

    I don't think this is unusual but it can be lonely feeling this way as we can't express it easily - only those who are going through this really get it - which is why this forum is so great to come to and read through other people's experiences and get advice. It helps me stay sane!

    Good luck and best wishes x

  • I can understand how this feels completely. I have been coming home from work and crying my eyes out.

    I am so glad I took the step and wrote a post. Although I know others are going through the same or similar it can still feel very lonely

    X

  • Hi Kelly,

    It is definitely challenging and I'm sorry you're feeling this way.

    I'm up and down on this rollercoaster of infertility. At the moment I feel ok but who knows what tomorrow will bring!

    I have tried to protect myself to a certain extent, by coming off social media (where it seems EVERYONE is pregnant) and I think this has helped my mindset.

    I hope you feel better but always know that you're not alone and this place is great to chat and express how you really feel.

    Lots of love and baby wishes,

    Lucy

    xx

  • Hi Lucy

    I have come to a similar conclusion to you I think I'm going to take a break from social media including FB just have to work out how to do it. I'm a bit of a worrier so am not sure how others are going to react - but I know I need to do what's best for me.

    Emotionally I am worse every time someone else announces a pregnancy, and the rollercoaster is really hard, one say I'm fine and getting on with everything the next I'm in a heap on my sofa.

    I know I'll get there and it will happen it's just the length of the journey to get there.

    Thank you for the support

    Kelly

    X

  • Hi Kelly, I'm in exactly the same position as you and know just how you feel.

    I'm a bit up and down, my mind is all consumed by trying to conceive and it's quite draining. I'm genuinely happy for all my friends and family that are expecting their babies, but it also breaks my heart at the same time as I wish so much it would happen for me and my husband.

    I find it easier when I'm with the people that are pregnant, because I can share in their joy. But when I'm home I fall into a little dark hole.

    Try to stay positive - that's what I'm doing. And trying to enjoy life and make the most of late nights and lie ins. It will happen for us I'm sure!

    Bebs x

  • Hi Bebs

    I was feeling so drained and exhausted with it all that for a few months Klee have stopped opks, monitoring and everything else because I've became too much, however this side of things I now feel like I'm doing nothing. So we are going to look at using the ovulation tests again but not be as regimented as we felt first time round.

    It's also quite hard for me as I've suffered with abdominal pain for the last year which the dr thinks is down to stress. Thing is if I stressed I won't get pregnant and but I can't reduce the stress because pregnancy is the cause of the stress so kind of stuck. Am trying to reduce the stress and am now considering whether in need to reduce or change my job as I work with kids so this can occasionally add to everything.

    Hope everything works out and with this forum we can all keep each other positive

    Xx

  • What you have written here is very similar to us. We gave up the fertility stick things and tracking a couple of months ago as it was getting a bit much and a chore rather than a joyous union ;-)

    As far as the initial tests go I am fine apart from being old (fab!) Husband is off to have his tests done now and we are to be referred to a fertility clinic via the NHS now (we have secondary infertility). My GP also thinks we need to be less stressed and relax and it will happen - easier said than done! A vicious cycle as you say. I'm trying reflexology to try and calm down a bit but also thinking of acupuncture and Mayan abdominal massage. Best of luck!

  • Sounds the same as us.

    All the initial test they did with me (ultrasounds, blood work) have come back and dr has said there is not even a slight elevation in anything, all is normal. He is referring us to the fertility clinic on the NHS too so hopefully that will help and will test both of us. Good luck!

    Just hope things start moving along soon. Good luck x

  • Do let me know how you get on. Take care x

  • I will do, same you you thank you x

  • Ladies this is my first ever post after prowling the web for the past year on how to increase my chances of getting pregnant/what might be wrong with us! . Dh & i have a beautiful 3yo daughter concieced easily but been trying for a second for 18 months and nothing. Had lots of tests with no problems showing up. I am 33 & we have decided we are going to try ivf though I still have a glimmer of hope that a miracle will happen before then. First appointment is 12th July does anyone know how long it will take from then? I am starting a new job & worried about timings & how I am going to explain unplanned fine off as don't know the IVF dates yet. All adds to the stress! I too am Finding other pregnancy announcements hard to deal with including my sister who is on #3 after only one month of trying. I mean I get to be an auntie again which is lovely but also is wish it was me! Mid-month I cope fine & then each month when AF sign arrives I go into a wee behind closed doors meltdown & cry on and off for a week. It is heartbreaking so you are not alone! get comfort in knowing there are others going through the same x

  • Thank you for the reply.

    Welcome! 😊

    Sorry to hear your having difficulty. I understand how your feeling to some degree.

    Unfortunately for me they tell me I'm not old enough (being only 29) they won't help me any further eg ivf etc

    I've been told to wait another yr or so and then basically go back for more testing. My dr has told me that all of my issues are stress and that once I'm pregnant they will probably all go away however we all no u probably won't get pregnant whilst stressed.

    I don't reply very often to others on the forum but I follow everyone's stories and know that if I did there would be bucketfuls of support regardless of all the issues we each have.

    Everyone is very friendly and will support where they can

    I hope things work out and I send lots of baby dust and thoughts

    Kelly x

  • Thanks so much. Don't give up hope I read there's a fair chance of still getting pregnant during year 1-2 of trying (85% get pregnant in first year and 95% within 2 years) so fingers crossed it might happen before your referral comes. Try not to wish the next year away, the good thing is you are still young & if there is a problem time is on your side! All the best & lots of good luck xx

  • Thank you.. well we're doing everything we can to relax so hopefully all will work out, I know that one day we will be parents and as you say I am still young as far as fertility clinics work so we'll see.

    Good luck to you too and thank you for the kind words xx

You may also like...