Really struggling with TTC: Hi everyone... - Fertility Network UK

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Really struggling with TTC

Kathryn1984
Kathryn1984

Hi everyone.

It’s 6 months on from my miscarriage at 10 weeks. I was trying for 13 months to conceive before that. I’m 35 in February.

I’ve just been feeling really low recently. Getting my period every month devastates me. I know that I’m very much at the beginning of this journey compared to some ladies on here, but I’m really struggling.

I’ve started to feel separate from society because I feel like the only women in her 30s without a child. I’ve started to get very bitter about anyone who has a child. The royal baby thing made me so mad.

I feel at a point where I just want to run away, me, my fiancé and my dog. I know it’s silly but I feel like I want to throw the towel in.

I just wanted to reach out, because I feel so alone

23 Replies
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So so sorry for your miscarriage, it must be awful and crushing. I've not been through that so I can only imagine the pain.

It's totally understandable that you feel that way.

No matter how long it short the journey is, it still hurts the same and non more so than the other.

I understand how you feel. I'm 34 and have been ttc for over 5 years with not a single pregnancy.

You've done a good thing by reaching out as there are lots of us here who totally understand and sympathize with how you're feeling and what you're going through.

Always here if you need to chat. Xxx

Sorry for your loss & sorry you are struggling with TTC. It’s not easy.

I had a chemical pregnancy last year & it knocked me for six. I was like you & desperate to be pregnant again. It was very difficult, once past the due date it felt a bit better.

Due to my endometriosis & needing additional surgeries it took me 13 months to fall pregnant again I’m now 7+ 3 .

It was tough going & at times I really doubted we would ever fall again.

We were trying for 7 years and I month but as I said due I had numerous surgeries for my endometriosis & had forced breaks. This helped me great a new perspective on it & we felt calmer. We made a plan & knew we had a few options available & one way or another we’d have our baby ( or at least say we tried our best & couldn’t have done anymore) This in turn put less pressure & the cycle we did fall I said “ we tried our best this month & that is good enough!!” I swear it was one of the factors in us falling.

Maybe take a break from trying & maybe make a back up plan .

Counselling can also help.

Everyone here understands it is a tough journey; it’s the toughest thing I’ve ever done & if I am lucky enough to have this baby I won’t do it again. We would be grateful to have one baby xoxo

Kathryn it breaks my heart to read how you’re struggling. 🙁

I’m also really struggling too and I although I don’t have the answers I wanted to reach out and tell you you’re not alone.

Have you had any professional help to help you process your loss?

I totally understand the devastation each month and that feeling of wanting to run away - I watch the Ben Fogle Lives in the Wild programme and think how good that would be to do, get away from everything!

I’ve felt so low because of TTC I’ve not wanted to be here at all at times 😢. But I keep telling myself this is a dark cloud that will lift one way or the other.

I’m also 35 soon and dreading it, I used to love my birthdays but it’s just a reminder of how long we’ve been trying.

Please don’t feel alone, there are many of us going through the same thing. It’s really important we support each other x

DianeArnold
DianeArnoldAdministrator

Hi Kathryn1984. So sorry to hear that you have suffered a miscarriage and hope you had plenty of support at the time. Yes, it is hard, and perhaps just for now be careful who you spend your time with and just confide in one close friend or relative until you feel stronger. You could go and see your GP now, but you may have to wait just a little longer, see what your GP says. Thinking of you. Diane

My GP said that he would refer us now, but my partner has to get his sperm tested first. Before I conceived the first time, I had my hormones checked throughout the month, and he said everything was as it should be. We were just about ready to go for referral when I conceived naturally. It’s been tough for me and my partner, and I’ve really struggled with the grief. I don’t think I’m ready mentally or emotionally for the next step in fertility investigations/ treatments. I discussed it with my partner, and although time isn’t on my side, we have decided to leave it another six months, and focus on health and exercise, and try naturally. If nothing happens in that time, hopefully I’ll be feeling more ready. But the struggling to conceive seems to go hand in hand with my depression for me. I’m getting counselling, and I’m really trying to be positive about the future, but nothing really helps the actual problem. All I can do is keep going, but it’s just so so hard. We all deserve medals !

gcw104
gcw104
in reply to Kathryn1984

Your situation sounds similar to mine I conceived after 4 mths and mc at 12w got blood test came back abnormal got referred but got pregnant again before so cancelled the app. We mc again at 13w and are back to square one having another blood test on 31st before dr will refer again (different dr had to switch surgeries) advice do not cancel your app even if you do get pregnant just incase you mc again dr said to go even if your pregnant they can keep checks. Hope you have some luck conceiving soon xxx

Please know that you are absolutely not alone. I was trying for 18 months, got pregnant and have just lost it. Having a D & C tomorrow. I know the pain of getting your period every month and just before I got pregnant, I was at the lowest I’ve ever been. Chatting on here helps massively. Maybe go to a support group or get individual counselling? Definitely talk to someone other than your other half.

It’s very easy to say but try and plan/ book things with friends, family or your fiancée so you have something to look forward to. Our whole lives became solely around getting pregnant and I too felt quite isolated.

Wishing you all the best. I promise this feeling will pass x

Kathryn1984
Kathryn1984
in reply to hifer

I’m so sorry for your loss It’s so unfair any of us have to go through this. It’s amazing how much strength we have. Thank you so much for replying at what must be a difficult time for you. I hope you’re getting well looked after x

Sorry to hear you're struggling Kathryn. Dont give yourself such a hard time, you've been through so much in the past year. I can relate to how you feel about feeling lonely and separrate from society, I too feel like Im the only person that doesnt have kids (that wants them of course) except Im now in my forties! I had a mini rant on here about the royal baby too, there were quite a few of us the other day actually.....just feels like its taken them five minutes and we're still left at the back of the queue and have to listen and see the media bleating on about it.....daily!! I dont know when I turned into this bitter and angry person but Im finding that side of things hard too.....you're definitely not alone there! Sending massive hugs, we all have down days but we're all here for each other!xx

With the royal baby, I thought that as Megan was a little older, it might take them a bit longer, and it would be good for society to see that it’s not easy for everyone. But no. I try the think about Zara Philips and the tough time she’s had though. I just think the media doesn’t help it it being everywhere.

Yes I know, few of us were saying that yesterday although someone pointed out that she's possibly had some help knowing she was older! Hang on in there honey, tomorrow is a new day!xx

Hi Kathryn, I am so sorry for your loss and I’m really sorry you’re going through such a difficult time.

I do understand what you’re saying about feeling isolated. I’m 38 and also find it difficult to deal with being the childless woman / couple.

I know how awful it can be each month when your period arrives too. The wave of hormones often leaves me feeling really low and tearful, bringing all my hurt to the surface once more.

I have had some counselling over the past couple of years and found it very helpful. Would you consider something like this? It was a fertility counsellor I went to via the clinic I attend. Or your GP could give you a referral.

I’m glad you posted on this forum today, you are certainly not alone. Thinking of you. Take good care of yourself xx

Kathryn1984
Kathryn1984
in reply to Dunla

I’m going for counselling, but it’s just up and down for me, some days I’ll be happy, but then it hits me again. I think that it might be like that forever a bit. I just felt extra isolated today, and everyone on here’s so supportive, I thought I’d reach out.

Dunla
Dunla
in reply to Kathryn1984

Oh I know, i have good days and bad too. Hoping tomorrow is a better day for you pet xx

So sorry to hear you’re feeling like this. I totally relate to you as I feel exactly the same.

I often feel like running away; most of my friends are getting pregnant and the majority within one or two months and the Royal Baby irritated the hell out of me too! It’s so irrational but life feels so unfair sometimes doesn’t it?!

It’s very hard to feel positive sometimes and I also really struggle. Feel like babies, mums, families are shoved down your throat constantly and it’s something at the lowest times you feel like you’ll never achieve.

Just know you are not alone at all. It’s hard when you don’t know anyone personally but you are not the only one as this forum shows!

Just be kind to yourself at all times as it’s horrific and only those of us who have been through it will ever truly get how horrific it is! Xxx

*hugs*

Sometimes it’s just really hard. ☹️

Yeah, I’ve learnt some things from this process. 1, life is unfair 2. We ultimately have no control 3. Try to enjoy what I do have, because really I have no other choice. 4. Try my best to enjoy the life Thats been given to me, by my mum, because I wouldn’t want a child of mine to be in pain every day because of infertility, I’d want them to make the most of their life, and be happy.

It’s bloody rubbish, fertility problems, 😂 but I’m so inspired by everyone on here, everyone’s a warrior

Hey def understandable feelings and approach. You take it easy on urself Hun. Know we all here for u.

Hope gets easier bit by bit.

Sounds good re running away with fiancé and dog though. My life is my husband and dog quite happy to just be with them and not others at times. Dog is my world. She awesome. Saw u have a gsd too. That great 😍☺️. Take good care hun xx

She came with my fiancé, or shall I say my fiancé came with her! 🤣 I’ve never really wanted a GSD before, but she’s the softest baby. She’s 13 now, and we had a wobble this week, because she hurt her leg, and we had to take her to the vets. Coz of her age, I’m so worried that the time has come every time something happens. But thank God, she’s just pulled something, she’s on anti inflammatories now, and she’s back to normal. She’s got arthritis, but considering her breed and age, she’s doing really well.

Phew that good to hear. Really hope she gets better and more comfortable. It so worrying when it like that. Fingers crossed for u all. They are def amazing dogs. I wasn’t sure about the breed either was my husbands choice but now know they are incredible indeed.

Ours is 3 1/2 and has got issues with leg now already v sad but she still as bonkers as always ☺️

We’re really lucky with Leah, there’s definitely stiffness in her back end, but she’s still enjoying walks, and she happily runs upstairs and jumps on the bed. She’s got quite a level back, and she’s quite small, so I think that’s why she’s ok at 13

I have been feeling the same way, displaying myself from.friends and family and going out only when I had to because everywhere I look there are babies or pregnant women.

I have cried a lot recently and have been feeling really sad all the time

I reached out to my GP and cried to her for 20 minutes on Monday and she has referred me to counselling which I am hoping will help, and I came on here and let some of it out. The responses from so many other women in similar situations was amazing and helped me to feel much less alone, and have me just enough push to start thinking about things I might be able to do to feel less sad less often as well as starting to thing about things that might improve my chances of conceiving.

Putting a small plan together of little steps has helped me to feel slightly better today so I am taking it as a win.

Maybe doing some thinking about small things that you could do just for you to make you less sad might help xxx

hey hun so so sorry for your loss..I could have written that message myself so please please know u are not alone..I have those same feelings as I am sure others do so think it is normal given what we been thru.I miss our baby every day and I used to be such a social person where now I too just want to retreat with my dh and dog...thank goodness for our dogs..infertility and mc has changed us but we are parents and I forever hold our baby in my heart and feel so proud to have been a mum for 13 weeks..grief is like waves I think I read that..up and down days...please be kind and gentle to yourself and look for wee glimmers of positives..they are there sometimes we just need to look really hard for them...much love xxxx

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