Fertility Network UK
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Finding it difficult being around pregnant people

I feel really silly writing this but I feel this is the only place where someone may understand how I feel. I find it really hard being around pregnant friends/family and being part of conversations about people expecting. I feel completely jealous of how other people have that and I dont, I feel awful for saying that as its really not me but that’s how I feel. I literally try and avoid people who are pregnant and try and not be part of conversations to do with it. Am I just really stupid or does anyone else feel like this?!😢

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Your not stupid at all, I feel exactly the same. I actually struggle more around pregnant women than I do newborns. I think it’s totally understandable to be feeling the way you are, infertility is a tough journey and sometimes we have to do things to protect ourselves and if that means having days when you can’t be around pregnant ladies then that’s okay. This forum always gives me support and is the best place to vent about your feelings, your not being silly at all xx

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Thanks that’s really kind of you. It’s nice to get so much support. I agree with you I find it easier round newborns than pregnant women, I know others may have struggles that they may not broadcast but when it’s such a struggle I find it difficult understanding how some others have it so easy and just as they planned it x

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I’m totally with you on that one, I’m struggling atm as my hubbys step brother as just announced he’s expecting his first child with his girlfriend they’ve only just been together a year and it just feels so unfair. I think this time of year makes it’s hard to and emotions are a lot stronger x

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That must be really hard, must have felt like a kick in the teeth when they announced that, I dread anyone I know announcing pregnancy news just because it makes me feel really down, it makes me feel frustrated and I get all snappy which I really unlike me. I hate they way all this makes me feel!☹️ I hope everything works out for you x

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Definitely it is hard, I find myself becoming very bitter. Helps having everyone on here to talk to though, thank you, I hope it does for you to xx

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Its definitely normal! Xx

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I know exactly how you feel. Can't tell you how many times I've cried when I've found out yet another friend or colleague is pregnant and I'm still not. My younger cousin is pregnant ATM and every time she puts some baby related posts on Facebook I hid them because I can't bear to look at them. I've avoided meetings with friends in the past especially when one of them is pregnant or wants to show us their new baby and sometimes meet ups have ended up being endless baby talk and I end up sitting there feeling miserable and feeling like I have nothing to contribute to the conversation .theres nothing stupid about feeling like this so please don't think that. I totally understand how frustrating and jealous it can make you feel x

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Thank you, it’s really not a nice feeling. I know exactly what you mean about meet ups with friends, when I have gone in the past I just feel like the odd one out, so now I just avoid them situations as best as I can! I also hate it when family/friends ask the dreaded question ‘so when are you going to have a baby?’ I feel with Xmas coming and gatherings etc there’s going to be that question asked and I hate it. I can honestly say I have never asked anyone that before, I think it’s so rude and insensitive!

I really hope you get your little miracle in the end xx

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Thank you and same to you :) .

Yup I've always hated the 'do you have children?, when are you going to have them?' Etc or when people who have kids say 'it will happen be patient'. I have to really bite my tongue when all I really want to say is mind your own business or oh just shut up you have no idea what this feels like! I know they mean well but sometimes I really wish people would think before they speak especially when they know your situation.

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I agree with you, so many people just assume everyone wants to talk about it especially if they have never had a problem. My sister knows a little bit about what’s going on but she doesn’t understand. She’s given me my niece and nephew who I love but she had no problems with them so can’t relate to the struggles I’m going through. I try and avoid social situations where those questions might come up and if they do I brush them off but inside just want to cry!

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Yes it’s completely normal even though you might hate yourself for having those feelings. I’m in a slightly different situation as I’ve had a miscarriage a few weeks ago and one of my staff at work is having a baby which will be born around the time mine would have been born. It’s so hard. I’m pleased for her but also jealous at the same time.

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I’m so sorry to hear that! Hope your doing ok? That must be difficult for you, it’s nice to be pleased for people but it must be very hurtful and hard for you. Hope everything works out for you on your journey x

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The way you are feeling is so understandable we all go through it all the time. One of my best friends is pregnant and I can barely talk to her face to face and when we do im awkward and try to loose myself in the other people instead she doesn’t know our situation and I don’t want to tell her it’s not that I’m not happy for her I am it’s just a constant reminder it all feels so selfish but I think when you go through what we are time grinds you down and it becomes harder to let those feelings go x

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I don’t talk to anyone about our situation, my sister and mum know about my problems but not to the extent of how I feel, a couple of friends know about the problems I have with my periods but when it comes to the having children talk I just brush it off and say I’m not that bothered really if it’s meant to be it will be, it’s all a front cos it’s all just a lie. I feel that if I told ppl how I really feel they would think I was weird as no one that I know of has been through the same. I know what you mean about trying to avoid your friend, I would b exactly the same, you just don’t need the constant reminder in you face, id feel the same xx

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I do the exact same shrug everything off although now it feels like a lot of people have written us off it makes it easier not to have the questions but that sometimes feels just as horrible! It’s such a mind field once it happens for us I plan to open up a little more about the struggles so they can understand x

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I feel that too, that people have written us off, which is actually a horrible feeling. I’m turning 31 soon and I do feel like I’m now a ticking clock and that other people look at me like that too as many of my friends have already got children. I hope that if and when we do get our miracle that I will open up to, but I do feel like a closed book a lot of the time at the moment. It’s so nice talking to people on here as I don’t talk to anyone else about all this ☹️

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No you are definitely not being stupid. I completely identify with how you are feeling as I frequently go through spells of feeling that way. It’s really difficult. Sometimes i don’t recognise myself as I can feel so bitter and resentful of my family and friends as they have children and I don’t. I always find Christmas particularly difficult. I think it’s important to remember that when you’re feeling vulnerable it’s ok to avoid situations that will make you upset and don’t be too hard on yourself about it. Sending you much love xx

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Thanks, yes I feel the same I think I do resent people who are pregnant and I hate feeling like that. Before we had difficulties I would be really happy for people who announce their pregnancy, now I just hate it. I dread being told someone else is expecting cos although I am pleased for them I’m not happy and excited I just keep thinking whys that not me, why am I not normal!? It’s very difficult and I do wish you all the luck I your journey xx

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Hearing someone else’s good news is like a knife to the heart. My friend text me to say she was pregnant on the very same day that I found out our last go of ICSI had failed! Perfect timing! Thanks for your good wishes. We’re heading for our fifth ICSI cycle in the New Year. Using donor eggs this time and it’s our very last go as we’ve exhausted ourselves financially, not to mention emotionally. Excited but also terrified x

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That’s awful timing, and really not what you wanted to hear I’m sure!! Is that treatment not covered on the nhs at all? We haven’t and arnt going to go down the ivf route, if it was 100% guaranteed we might consider it but I don’t think I could go through it, especially if it didn’t work. Now I’ve got a little bit of hope, even if I am kidding myself xx

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It’s completely normal, not silly at all. Don’t put pressure on yourself to be happy for others, or not to have mixed feelings. It’s a really unfair and painful situation to be in and completely natural to feel you deserve to be just as happy as they are, because you do. Keep protecting yourself and focus on you - hang in there. Xx

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Thank you, that’s really kind xx

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It was like you wrote straight from my own head! Dont feel bad. Look after you those who know your circumstances will understsnd and those who dont well who cares. I just saw my best friend for thr first time in 8 weeks coz thw last time i saw her she told me she was preggaz. Shes been very understanding and asked if i would be comfortable being a godparent to her second which of coarse is a yes. But was nice of her to ask and consider how i feel. I feel silly and like a complete bitch for avoiding her (pregnant ppl) but if its emotionally better for you then trust your gut and look after you.

I weirdly feel ok around lil babies but pregnant ppl and toddlers really through me.

Feel free to msg me if you ever want to chat xxx

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Thank you, that’s really kind of you. And same if you want to chat please feel free to message me. I really want to be happy for my friends but I just don’t feel I can, i just keep thinking why is it so unfair for some and so easy for others! I wish you all the best on your journey xx

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I totally understand how you are feeling it's totally normal. Since I have been ttc so many people I know have got pregnant and it just gets harder. I am really close with my niece who is 30 she is married just over a year myself and my partner stayed with her a few months ago and when getting something out if her cupboard I saw conception vitamins. It really hit me hard it felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I love my niece very much and really want her to be happy and have a family but the thought of her announcing a pregnancy makes me want to cry and i have found myself avoiding her lately.I hate how ivf and ttc makes me feel about some things.

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I know exactly what you mean, if I see a post online of someone announcing their pregnant or I hear someone saying that their going to start trying I get this kick in the stomach, I can’t help it it just happens and it horrible. Maybe it’s just jealousy or the feeling of being fitted but it’s horrible! I just want it to happen so I don’t feel like thy anymore! It’s a very lonely place most definitely!☹️

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You are not stupid and I'm so sorry you feel this, I need you to know that you are not alone. My husband and I doesn't like to be surrounded by couples who are expecting as well but we do love new-born babies as their cute little faces gives us hope. I hope you'll feel better soon, sending my hugs xx

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Oh it’s so true. I am fine once the babies arrive but my god do I hate being around pregnant people. I tell myself it’s not their fault but what can you do. And it’s worse when it’s all they go on about and ask if you want to feel them kick. I have literally just started saying no thanks. People don’t mean it but they can be so insensitive. 💞

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Oh god, I don’t think I’ve been asked to feel a baby kick before (apart from my sisters which I wanted to anyway) but if someone asked me I would defo say no, that would make me feel awkward! Yes ppl can be very insensitive ☹️

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I can definitely. I work as a community nurse and part of that it Antenatal clinic seeing these pregnant lady make me soo sad.

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