struggling with feelings when people announce pregnancy

[Watsy]

Me and my partner have been trying for over a year. We are at the stage where we have been referred to a fertility specialist and waiting blood tests and sperm analysis results. Everytime someone I am close to announces they are pregnant I take it really bad which my partner doesn’t understand why. One of my best friends told me this weekend she is having a baby and I just feel so broken. I feel so selfish and spiteful for feeling this way but it’s just because I desperately want it and it seems like people around me have only just started trying. I just feel overwhelmed with emotion and beat myself up for feeling that way. Is this normal? And when does this ever get better?

[Bunny29]

Hi,

No don’t be so hard on yourself, I can firmly put my hand up and agree I 100% was the same.

I was happy for them but on other felt like it was a stab in the heart. Sounds a little extreme but that is how I felt.

I had many intentions of going to my friends/family baby showers but on the day before would come up with a petty excuse not to attend. Buying the present was difficult enough. I struggled so much looking back I probably should have had counselling.

Please don’t give up up, try exercising this helped me with my emotions, listen to podcasts, meditate 🧘‍♀️ meet and listen to other people in the same boat, this helps. We can end up feeling isolated as we tell our friends and family but people don’t quite understand unless you have experienced it.

Hope this helps a little, sending lots of positive vibes 💫 xx

[ZiggyandBC]

It’s such an awful feeling isn’t it, I’ve been there a few times with family members and friends announcing pregnancies and not once did I ever take it well, I’d always have a good cry in private and vent to my partner. It’s good to get the emotions out and totally normal to feel the way you do. Everyone around me knew what we were going through so we’re understanding that I distanced myself as I couldn’t bear to be around them during their pregnancies. Sending you lots of love xx

[Boo718]

hello, what your feeling is completely normal. In the 5 years we have been doing ivf 5 babies have arrived to immediate family and friends and I was sooo upset everytime and angry at the world too. It does get easier but unfortunately for me it has never gone away. I always struggle to go visit the baby when they first arrive too, I never want to go and put it off for weeks. It helped being honest with them that I was happy for them but that it was difficult for us xxx

[Tnthketnf]

Hi Watsy

As others said what you're feeling is what most of us feel in this position.

I have been trying for over 5 years in this time all of my closest friends and many others had babies.

Every time I found myself upset, struggling to concentrate and distancing myself from the people who announced a pregnancy or had a baby.

In my case I found that it was the pregnancy that upset me more. The babies most of the times I like seeing but I avoid conversations about fertility or anything reproductive with their mothers. If they try talking about their pregnancy or delivery I change the subject to the actual present baby, their lack of sleep and exhaustion and they are always willing to talk about this!

It gets easier, although easier might not be the word rather I got desensitised after several pregnancies of others during my infertility.

But there are still moments of regression. I try to remind myself that their success does not mean anything in my journey.

[Ree_Laine]

your feelings are totally normal. I have felt the same and a few of my friends have actually had 2 pregnancies back to back in the time of me and my partner’s fertility struggles. Only those experiencing a struggle can truly understand. People don’t understand how triggering it can be going to baby shower’s or being the only one in the group childless in social settings. Being constantly asked when you may have kids etc . I’ve avoided certain invites where I can and to my closest and dearest disclosed how triggering it actually is and they have been supportive which has helped massively just being honest and open about it all. This group of course also helps as you know you’re not alone and gives you a sense of comfort knowing your feelings are valid and normal x

[nT455]

I've been feeling low recently because of this. I've always felt a bit low when someone I know announces a pregnancy but what's been worse for me is when someone whom I've told about our IVF journey gets pregnant. I first told my boss and then a year later she was pregnant. I also told my best friend and six months later she too was pregnant. Then another close friend whom I've told everything is now pregnant. What hurts the most, is that I've been so honest about what I'm going through and they have probably started trying and then wait 12 weeks before they announce it. Particularly the recent friend told me at one point she was feeling nauseous and I immediately thought she was pregnant but she blamed it on something else. I now know that she's been having bad morning sickness. I completely understand that they don't want to announce their pregnancy before the 12 weeks and that it is absurd that I feel angered that she didn't tell me that they were trying. But I just can't help but feeling upset that I'm honest about my journey and then not getting the same honesty back. So I've decided I'm not telling anyone else from now on and will keep my ongoing journey to myself. Its easier to have a cry on my own and then fake happiness when someone announces a pregnancy. I hope you take care of yourself and sending a big virtual hug! It's such a hard journey but hopefully we will all get our rainbow baby eventually. X

[green121292]

Hi Watsy, I’m 100% in the same boat! My husband and I have been trying for over a year with multiple miscarriages, chemical pregnancies and now (as of today) 1 failed round of IVF and in this time every couple we know who are even thinking about starting a family have all managed with no problems at all. We are the only ones to have had all these issues and it really feels like we are the statistic at this point! I now can’t go on IG or Facebook or even Daily Mail as I’m sick of hearing every Tom, dick and Harry getting pregnant. Even walking down the street is a painful reminder. My current battle is two of my best friends are pregnant and due in March - I was open with them about my struggles and that’s all you can do. I’m there for them as much as I can be. Your good friends will understand if you need to take a step back.

Just know you are not alone in your feelings and it is completely normal to feel how you do. Xxx

[HoneyB11]

hi watsy,

I feel your pain! Since we’ve been TTC (April 2020) four of my friends have had babies. But one has had twins through her second round of ivf!

My hubby is in the same situation with his three best friends all having families too. And it’s natural to feel like the world is against us sometimes and we just need a break.

I felt torn when they each individually announced their pregnancies as obviously I’m happy for them but also insanely jealous and envious which can lead to feelings of low self esteem.

Since they’ve had them all it can be difficult for me when we meet up (esp if all together) as a lot of the chat ends up being based on parenting, which is to be expected of course but I put on a fake smile and listen along while dying a little inside.

However it’s much better when I meet with them 1 on 1 as the conversation is much more two sided and I know they all love me and care about my feelings.

I’m not a hugely spiritual person but there’s part of me (probably for my own sanity) that has to believe things happen for a reason and maybe it’s just not been our time yet but I’m hoping that this journey gives us our little miracle 🙏

Best wishes x