Close friends pregnancy

[Magic_waiting2happen]

Hey! Hope you are all having a good evening! It’s my first time writing something on here although I have had a nosey through. A bit about our struggles, we have been TTC for 3 years and found out my husband has a low sperm count and mobility rate. We have had a first round of icsi in September which wasn’t successful and it did take me a few months to get my mojo back, no one tells you how much of an emotional journey it is! I finally feel now in a place to try again. However, I have just found out that one of my close friends and infertility ally is pregnant. I feel so happy for her as she has also had a long journey but also feel a bit sad for me, I feel like I have lost a friend who I could rant to about infertility and woes and now she will want to chat bumps which I am more than happy too but just feel it won’t be the same. Has anyone else had this and how did they cope? Thank you! Xx

[AJJ123]

I’ve been there and tbh in my case I ended up distancing myself. Totally my fault but it was just too painful and i sometimes feel extremely selfish but I’ve been through so much already I don’t think I could of coped.

I hope that you don’t fall into the same pit as me and soldier on with dignity xx

[Magic_waiting2happen in reply to AJJ123]

Thank you 😊 I want to try! Give myself a few days to take it on board and then get back on it! Xx

[sheri1991]

Im am in the same boat.. shes about to drop now any day.. i told her i had to distance myself cuz was causing me so much upset n hate towards her even thou i was so happy for her it was stupid i just explained to her tht couldnt help how i felt inside so we still spoke every day on phone or on txt but b4 i was seeing her every other day.. but shes a good friend and knows how i feel and shes still always there for me as i am for her when its needed. She knows that i know it thts what matters the most.. shes alreay told me im going to be god mother too so im dead excited about tht and i know soon as her little baby girl arives ill feel so differnt. So just he honest with ya friend if shes a ture friend she will understand xxx good luck and i wish you all the baby dust in the world that one day you get your dream xxxx

[Magic_waiting2happen in reply to sheri1991]

Thank you 🙏🏻 you too! Here’s to a new journey - baby dust to you too! Xxx

[Klndmr]

Hey. I have been in this situation for more than a year. My best friend got pregnant on their first Try, my husband's best friend got his wife pregnant by mistake, my husband's best man had second child, another friend gave birth in September, another one in October and thr last one in November. My closest colleague got pregnant twice last year "by mistake" and had abortions. I was an emotional wreck. I had a miscarriage last year in January and all these baby news almost killed me. I was crying at home, then going out and buying baby clothes for presents and i hated everyone s look when i was around them cause i felt they looked at me and were feeling sorry for me and i hated it. My best friend then asked me to be her daughter's God mother... I thought the best thing i can is to distant myself. I stopped going out with them, I didn't want to talk to them on the phone etc. I felt more lonely than ever and i decided instead of doing this to myself to share with them how i feel. They were so busy with their lives and when i told them how i feel they realised how unfair they were towards me. And then something changed. Now i don't mind spending time with them, i love my best friend's daughter like she is my child as well. I'm buying baby clothes and i dream for the day i will buy them for my own baby. Maybe the way is to just accept that our time will come but not just yet. But when it come will be fantastic and we will be the happiest people in the world! Sending you lots of hugs and i hope soon will be our turn to be mothers 😊😍🤗! Xxx

[Magic_waiting2happen in reply to Klndmr]

Thank you so much for your reply! I think I’m mourning the loss of “us against” the world and having that partner in crime you can share this journey with! Fingers crossed for us al! 😘😘

[Klndmr in reply to Magic_waiting2happen]

Yesss i do understand. It's so much easier when you close friend is in the same situation. We are humans and is normal to feel that way. Big hugs and yessss soon will be our turn, just keep you faith and hope 😍😊🤗 and don't forget you have quite a few partners in crime over here and anytime you feel down we are here for you 😍😊🤗xxx

[Magic_waiting2happen in reply to Klndmr]

Thank you so much! 😘😘 I will be! Fingers crossed for us both xxx

[Klndmr in reply to Magic_waiting2happen]

Fingers crossed yayyy 😍😊🤗xxx

[Picalilli99]

I can really relate to what you are going through. After many years of ttc and 2 failed rounds of IVF we miraculously fell pregnant naturally in 2016 & we finally dared to believe this was our lucky break. I had an absolute favourite girl’s name that for 9 weeks in my head I had believed that if our baby was a girl that’s what we’d call her. It felt very real. Unfortunately we then had a MMC which was devastating. My best friend who fell pregnant after me then went on to have her baby girl & called her this name. It was just a total unfortunate coincidence because I’d never mentioned the name to her. I feel awful because whenever I see her and hear her name I just get this pang of sadness and it reminds me of our miscarriage which is hard, but I can never say anything to my friend because I’d never want her to feel bad or freaked out. Another friend who I used to talk to lots about IVF (who was also struggling with infertility) recently had her baby. I am genuinely so pleased for her as I know what she went through to have him. But I also feel quite hurt because since then she has not asked me once how I’m getting on. Maybe she feels awkward or guilty or something but saying nothing has just left me feeling quite alone. I’ve definitely found this forum helpful though xxx

[Magic_waiting2happen]

I’m so sorry to hear your news - I can’t imagine what that’s like - you must be so strong! That’s what I am worried will happen we will both distance ourselves especially if my next round of ivf isn’t successful. I definitely think I will be leaning on this forum for support - the response has already been amazing! Xxxx

[leo1980 in reply to Magic_waiting2happen]

I have been in the same boat as you so please feel free to call on me if you are lonely and need to rant!!! I understand.. I had a friend who didn’t even want kids. And when she found out we were trying she got pregnant naturally and OMG was totally insensitive and selfish.. and oh so demanding...

[Magic_waiting2happen in reply to leo1980]

Thank you so much! I may just do that! Nobody really understands what it’s like to be in this journey unless you are in it! Xx

[Picalilli99 in reply to Magic_waiting2happen]

Thanks Glttergirl. Sorry I realise that you were asking for advice and my response just moaned & didn’t offer any! I suppose I have used a mixture of approaches and it’s just about weighing up each situation. I have definitely learnt to say no a bit more and sometimes avoid situations that will just be difficult. Like a baby shower for someone I’m not that close to or a WhatsApp group that is constant baby talk. But equally I’ve not wanted to lose contact with those I am really close to (like my friend with the baby girl I mentioned). But I have found that just being really open where possible about how I am feeling or things that i find difficult (stuff I just used to keep to myself because I didn’t want people to feel awkward) has helped my friends to understand a bit better and they’ve been supportive. But equally I have felt better since joining this forum as it’s the only place where I feel people really understand! Take care and best of luck with your next round xxxx

[Magic_waiting2happen in reply to Picalilli99]

Thank you - don’t be silly thank you for your advice! I have sort of done half and half, we have been in touch and hopefully will still be able to support each other xxx

[Violet5451]

Hey lovely. I had this too. My friend was also going through ivf and we used to get together regularly and talk about how difficult infertility was, moan about the unfairness of it all, talk through procedures etc. Then she got pregnant and I felt I had lost my go to person to talk about it all. I would say be honest with your friend and see if you are still able to talk to her about things (although I know it will not be the same). For me, I found it easier to accept and be ok with her pregnancy because I know how hard they had tried than other people who it came to so easily. But in this situation I think the important thing is to be kind to yourself. It’s not wrong to feel sad about it, to mourn the loss of your ally and to feel envious of her. I did with my friend but I was honest with her and she was still there to speak to throughout. Hope your friend understands lovely and remember- be kind to yourself. You got this xxx

[Magic_waiting2happen]

Thank you! This is exactly it! I felt like I was mourning the loss of “us” who will now be that person?! After some reflection at the weekend and leaning on other “single” besties I do feel in a better place. I have told her how happy I am for her and she has reassured me she will still be that person - only time will tell! Here’s to round 2 soon! Xxx