Not feeling myself πŸ˜•

Sorry to right a down hearted post I jus had to get my feelings out somehow. I have been away for the day / night with a group of friends and had to use all the strength I had in me to keep a smiley face on, I wasn't expecting this as was looking forward to the girly time but I couldn't help but feel unhappy inside the whole time and as much as parts of the day were fun I didn't rly enjoy myself. I have found that infertility leaves u feeling empty and incomplete. Does anyone else find that infertility impacts their life in this way? It jus became quite clear to me today, I don't know why it hasn't before. I know from comments my friends have made about others they probably won't understand so I feel it best not to go into it with them and apart from that my husband wants us to keep it private. Xx

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  • TTCs 😒 - I don't think you'll find a woman on here who hasn't experienced a bit/most/all of what you're going through.

    I was lucky. My very close 2 bff's both need/needed ivf too. They've had a rough time too; but that's not to say that it was always great...that fear of it working for one of us and not for another of us lingers between us.

    Out of me and my husband I'm the one who doesn't want to tell anyone. I suspect it's because I'm ashamed. But you do need someone else to talk to except for your husband... and it's great you come here... but we can't give you a big squeeze. I might be wrong...it might just be me...I'm sure there are thousands of couples who don't anyone at all. But for me, I needed someone who wasn't my husband. I needed someone to ask girly questions to and someone who understood the importance of being a Mum. And believe me... you'll blame your husband for something during treatment; you know...his inconsiderate leaving of a wet towel on the bathroom floor...you'll want a friend to tell you it's outrageous and they agree with your strop at him! ;)

    Do not be ashamed of feeling down or fed up or pissed off with the world. You're allowed to. But consider telling people or one or two close friends. Ivf is hard enough without having to wear a happy mask with everyone the whole time xx

  • That's a lovely reply emu and I have to agree, I've definitely felt like this and bar one (who is also about to start IVF) I am the only of my friends without at least one child..most have three! I remember a birthday a few years ago when I (naively) got them together (they're not all friends with each other) for the evening and spent most of the next day in tears with my hubby because all they did was talk about motherhood. They're great girls but they were just oblivious and that's their lives. I felt so alone that day, never done it again!

    You're not alone but I agree, one trusted friend, or maybe even a counsellor could be really beneficial when you're feeling low. We're here for you too though 😘 X

  • Oh those outrageous motherhood chats!!!! I forgot about those! Mainly because I've managed to reduce them if they aren't my closest of friends. And my favourite of lines: "you've got all this to come! You won't understand yet"

    Inside I'm screaming: I'll give you something to not understand!!!!! x

  • Exactly! Thankfully I don't get as much of it anymore as they know everything now but one of my friends did very recently say how funny a post was on facebook about people without children not knowing tiredness 😑 Well for one I'd love to know that kind of tiredness and would swap it for this life any day & secondly, when you've been up all night in excruciating endometriosis pain, or having to go back to work in child protection after surgery for it, you certainly do know tiredness!! Grrrrrrrr!

  • Totally understand your post, I work and deal with the public every day, there is days you don't want to get out of bed and yet you have to go in with that smiley face pretend everything is great, smile at your clients and here all there stories of there family members having babies and grandchildren, then they ask do you have any kids! Or ask how many kids do you have! And I havnt told them about my infertility, it's a tough one believe me, it's only my nearest and dearest that no, I felt I didn't want people's pity, but just to have a little support helps, hope you get your dream πŸŒˆβ€πŸ’‹

  • Thank you all for your supportive comments. It's good to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. I work in a setting with 0 to 4 year olds, it can be challenging but in some ways I think I prepare myself to face that challenge every day (not that it's easy :/) but it was the unexpected feelings that threw me yesterday at a time where I should have been happy and have managed to be happy before. Thank u all for your kindness. Xx

  • It Can be really very hard at times I've definitely been there where your with the girls and it's all baby talk and pregnancis and im sat there with a smile plastered on my face and in side I'm thinking hold it together and feeling that I don't belong there. You have to be very selective in who you let in about what your going through,the friends who I've have told have been very understanding and supportive but I do find it hard that they can't really relate to what is going on in my head.

    I remember being out with some friends and unknown to me a friend dropped in with her baby I was on my period at the time and feeling quite on edge with the baby talk at the time and I don't know why but one of the girls just came out and asked if I was pregnant to my face in front of everyone i just felt like I was dying inside and I know I shouldnt have put myself through that lunch.

    Today I'm mid cycle and quite postive in general and I know I'd be fine today being around babies and pregnant friends but next week or the week after I might be having a hard day and needing a good cry and I won't put myself in the position of friends and babies and all that and this is how I'm managing to protect myself and sometimes I just have to say no to events that I don't feel.comfortable with.

    Hope you feel better after writing your post sometimes it's just about getting off your chest and having someone to knowledge this Xxx

  • Personally I think it's much harder to keep it private and after doing this for our first round, my husband has also realised it's much easier to tell people. It's such a relief to be able to share your fears, worries and sadness. Most people I've found to be understanding. Maybe you and your husband should reconsider your stance on keeping it private as you are clearly finding that difficult to do? Big hugs xxx

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