I feel so embarrassed to have got to this point. Infertility is breaking me, I am no longer able to control my emotions. I had a meltdown at work yesterday and have been told to get help and take time off. I’m feeling like even more of a failure as I can’t handle the smallest things anymore.
Looking for any advice of how to keep going when it feels impossible
I’m so sorry to hear this. I was in a similar position last year - hard to determine how much was infertility because there were also stressors at work, but it was certainly a massive part of it. I ended up taking 3 weeks off and seeking help. I’m still going through the infertility side unfortunately, but in a better headspace with it.
Please be kind to yourself, this is all so unfair on you and comes with a whole heap of emotions which can very easily be overwhelming.
Thank you for your lovely message- helped so much today to know it’s not only me and there is a way forward. Xx
I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling, I can relate! Towards the end of last year, after another (!) BFN I just couldn’t handle my emotions, flew off the handle at someone on a bus 😬 I was so distressed. Decided to take a few months off and focus on feeling better, for me that meant focussing on yoga and running. About to start another cycle shortly, I won’t say I’m 100% happy as of course I’m not, far from it with such uncertainly about conceiving but it has helped to take a bit of time off. Whatever, you decide, things will change, you won’t always feel like this. Best of luck xx
Yes I’ve been getting angry at everyone around me..strangers in the supermarket, waiters in restaurants. Il need to go round and apologise! Time to get help and rest. Yoga and running is a great combo, definitely going to do lots of that in next weeks xx
Firstly you are definitely not a failure. Far from it. This process takes extraordinary resilience. I had only 2 failed cycles and I had several meltdowns at work. I distanced myself from all my work colleagues and was actually grateful it was covid so that contact with my friends was limited as I was definitely not the best version of myself.
I felt worst between cycles and it helped to try and focus on other little challenges. For me, exercise, particularly running was the best escape so I concentrated on that between cycles.
I tried to focus on my own ‘mission’ rather than be too involved with friends/ colleagues pregnancy announcements. At the time, my mental health was just not strong enough to navigate that.
I had two main support people; my dad and my best friend. I talked to them only and did not share my battles with anyone else in my day to day life as there was too much risk of an unintentionally insensitive comment sending me plummeting. Counselling can be useful and should be offered FOC by all clinics imo.
It helped me to explore all options. Just before my third OE cycle worked, I had booked a donor egg consultation and counselling and this gave me the feeling that there were still options.
I fully understand how you feel. It’s a really tough time. Give yourself a break and please don’t feel embarrassed. Your feelings are just because you want this so much and will be a fantastic parent x
Thank you so much for your kind words and advice. I’ve always used running as a coping mechanism but I cut down since the clinic advised to stop excessive exercise- I think overall it still helps me stay sane so il focus on that again.
Firstly, you're not a failure at all so please try not to think that way. 🥺 it is the most emotionally draining process. Our first cycle failed in February and we're 10 weeks for a review and I have found this stint of waiting one of the hardest parts, I feel like it's all I think about every minute of every day. I try to focus on the things I can control and the things that really make me happy, exercise/walking my dog. Perhaps some time off work would do you good to focus on yourself and I haven't done it myself but counselling may be worth a try. Sending you lots of love, you're not alone xx
Thank you for your lovely message, really helped me to get through today - time to focus on me. Sorry you are having a long waiting time, must be so difficult , I hope it’s not too much longer for you.xx
Please don’t feel embarrassed! Your not alone in feeling so strongly… I have breakdowns at work all the time, either in private or in front of my colleagues… I hope that your colleagues give you enough support and don’t just say to take time off as a way of not supporting you? Having a good support system at work can be so useful and helpful through your TTC journey. I find that after being open about my feelings (or having “a melt down” at work) that people are actually more supportive and understanding… also having counselling or therapy is so important and can help you navigate the worst times… Hope your ok! Xxx
Thanks for your message. My work isn’t very supportive generally (very male dominated!) and I’ve definitely felt my manager hasnt understood what I’m going through. I’ve tried to explain how it’s affecting me but I know he just sees me as a woman who can’t handle her emotions. I actually asked for more support in December when I was struggling then but nothing changes. So yes - the easy thing for them to do is to tell me to take time off and get help. Then il go back and nothing will have changed. I’m getting back into the therapy so hopefully that will help. Thank you for the advice.xx
Taking time out of work and getting some help is not a failure or anything to be embarssed about, those break downs are your body’s way of telling you to slow down before you have a meltdown. My Dr gave me that advice, let it all out! I went to a fertility counsellor and I found it very helpful, I’d really recommend you do this, if you don’t address it soon, it will return in vicious ways, you’ll fall mentally and psychically ill. Sending you lots of support x
Thanks for the message- I’m going to phone some fertility counsellors tomorrow. I had gone to counselling before but it was just general, think a specialist in this area will help. Xx
I spoke with a fertility counsellor for the first time a few days ago, and it was so much better than the general counselling I'd had before. They knew exactly how I was feeling and have obviously spoken to lots of people who have had similar experiences. I would highly recommend it.
You're definitely not alone in feeling the way you do. It is such a hard journey and as my counsellor said, when you start TTC you don't expect it to not work, and it's so hard to come to terms with the fact that it isn't and in a way you are grieving. Grieving the life you thought you were going to have when you started TTC.
Be kind to yourself. Infertility is such a hard thing to deal with, but you are not alone. You have the support of others in this network who I'm sure have all had emotional outbursts at some point! xx
You're definitely not failing, you are surviving. I'm very much with you today - almost lost it when yet another colleague announced a pregnancy on the day we should have had our 12 week scan. It can feel so isolating and how you are feeling is completely understandable.
For me, it's as though other people are sailing in steady waters through life and we're going through some hellish storm. It's easy to be calm and happy when life treats you well and nigh on impossible when you're going through hell.
So easy said, but we need to look after ourselves and forget the others. I find running helpful but also like you trying not to overdo it. Getting out and away from people in nature also helps, so perhaps some nice gentle walks.
However you get through, I hope you get the rest you deserve and rebuild the strength to see you through.
❤️Xx
Thank you for your lovely message, it really does feel like we are in a storm constantly that has no end point. Xx
You are definitely not alone, I had a mc and 2 failed FETs in a year. I also broke down at work was all over the place then started messing things up. IVF consumed my life so much! I ended up being signed off sick by the Dr. My boss knew what was going on and she was so supportive. I also had private counselling every other week for 6-8 weeks it helped me so so much. I’m having a break from ivf for atleast a year or even 2. I do have a little boy from IVF two years ago. IVF has been my life for 6 years. But I know for now I have to put it in a box and concentrate on myself and my little miracle ❤️ he truly is one.
Wishing you all the best feel free to message keep believing and keep looking after yourself xx
That’s wonderful you have a little miracle, gives me hope it can happen. I’m just about to start IVF for the first time so I think it’s all just become too real and hitting me hard. Thought I was managing it but then I wasn’t.
Please don't feel bad. I remember breaking down in tears infront of my boss at work when he asked how IVF was going and, suddenly (and surprisingly), he broke down in tears too. I was lucky - I had a compassionate boss. Your feelings are legitimate. And I hope your work understands and has empathy for what you're going through. I don't know if this will be helpful to you or not, but I sent my colleagues some information and YouTube videos about what it's like to go through IVF. They actually really appreciated it as, while they knew about the mechanics of IVF, they didn't know how emotionally and mentally draining it can be. One colleague thanked me and said he wished he had been as brave as me and shared the mental health problems he was having after the birth of his child rather than trying to mask it. I know you might not feel strong right now, but you are. Showing emotions is a brave thing to do, as is asking for help. X
That’s so good of you to share the info to them. I’ve thought about that before but I really think my manager is just not interested and has zero empathy. He even told me he doesn’t think any of us should be bringing kids into the world as it’s ‘not a good place’. I’ve started speaking to my HR rep though and she’s been so understanding.
Good for you! It annoys me how women's health isn't taken seriously in the workplace. I'm glad you're talking to HR about it and I hope he's held to account. If it's any consolation, it does get easier with time. I remember when I started my IVF journey I couldn't sleep I was having so many panic attacks and my moods were all over the place. It took awhile but, eventually, it was as though my brain decided it was enough and I couldn't go on feeling living like that. What you're feeling is so normal as it's so much to take in x
Hi, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I was also really struggling a few weeks ago. I decided to book an appointment with a fertility therapist and take a couple of cycles away from any fertility treatments. Have been focusing on trying to feel like me again. Less googling about ivf, speaking to my partner about things other than fertility, and trying to do things that are just for enjoyment. I’ve started to feel like myself again after a long time of feeling very disconnected, angry, sad and exhausted. I am so happy to be doing heated yoga and lifting heavy weights and drinking coffee! I’ll also be going overseas for a couple of weeks. Then I’ll reassess getting back to treatment. My therapist said I couldn’t keep doing ivf as I was doing it and I needed to do it in a different way where it isn’t consuming every area of my life. Easier said than done but I think creating a life outside of fertility treatments has been a good start for me. I’ve also been reconnecting with friends which has helped. I feel for me keeping going emotionally meant pausing my fertility journey and I also took some time off work. Sometimes I think for me stopping is the only way to recover enough to continue if that makes sense x
Broken 💔
Feeling broken after 4th negative result! 
💔Broken💔
💔 heart broken 😭
PGT Results are back - Feeling so broken and devastated 
