It hasn't even been a week since my infertility diagnosis and I'm going through so many feelings. I know at the heart of it is fear. I'm afraid of the emotional roller coaster of IVF. I'm afraid of the probable depression I'll experience from the hormones and I'm afraid of the despair I'll feel if it doesn't work after a few tries.
I feel like my pain and fear are invisible to the people in my life, including my husband. I've tried being vulnerable and sharing that I've been experiencing depression and anxiety along this path of TTC, especially this last month. Everyone I've told just brushes it off. I've heard, "You just need to relax." "Its normal for it to take a long time to get pregnant." "Try to keep things in perspective." "Don't worry, it'll happen." "IVF is a pretty easy process, isn't it?"
I feel like I'm alone in the dark and all I desperately want is for someone to sit with me and hold me, so I don't have to feel like I'm here alone. I feel like I need to know that they see me sitting in the dark. I don't know why, but right now that's the hardest part, the feeling like my pain and my fear are utterly invisible to the people who I know care about me. It feels too great to hold by myself. I'm afraid of feeling the whole weight of my pain and fear alone. My husband is really wonderful and has been stepping up in important ways, but he doesn't feel this pain and fear I'm experiencing.
If anyone understands how I'm feeling and has any suggestions for how to cope with friends and family not knowing or being capable of supporting you in the ways you need, I would very much appreciate hearing them.
Thank you in advance ladies. The kindness and compassion I've already experienced from you has meant the world to me.