Hello! Coping with baby envy :(

Hello, I'm new on here. Currently crying my eyes out (!!) because I have to go and spend the weekend with in-laws and 2 (beautiful!) nephews. I feel like a total cow for feeling like this but just want to hide from all small children. They're actually now 3 and 6 so not so small - but I feel so jealous and left behind.... it's not their fault, and I'll probably be fine once I get into playing with them etc, but I'm dreading it.

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15 Replies

  • Hey lovely, I completely understand..it's so so hard to have to spend your weekend that way when you're struggling & it hurts. You're not a cow, you're just human and I and many other ladies on here will totally understand the feeling left behind thing, that's exactly how I often feel 😢

    I hope it goes better than you imagine and if it doesn't, come here to vent 😘 Xx

  • Thank you so much! Xxx

  • I think that your reply is a bit insensitive tbh. It's clear that TheaFX is struggling with something. She doesn't have to tell everyone if she doesn't want to.

  • Hi Lorraineb61, thanks for having my back!! Xx

  • Hello. Yes this is a site primarily about infertility/ fertility and so I'm not finding it easy to have children. "Where are your children" I think maybe a slightly harsh way of asking, but I appreciate you probably didn't mean for it to come out like that. Thanks for replying though.

  • I'm very sorry dear.. I really didn't mean to sound rude and insensitive to you. I just wanted to probably find out more about your situation.. That's just because I myself feel quite nervous and sometimes harsh words like that come out of my mouth. Wish your dreams come true and you could easily come up with the solution of your problem. All the best to you xx

  • No offence taken at all! All the very best to you too, I have everything crossed for you xxx

  • You are not alone!! In fact I am currently in tears still in bed at my friends house who we've come to stay with for the weekend - they have a 6 & 8 year old, and I am also dreading Sunday when they are having an Easter garden party and house will be full of kids and babies!! I think one of their family is actually pregnant too. Asking myself why I came and why I punish myself like this!?

    You are absolutely not a cow. You will no doubt have a really lovely time with them, and love them dearly I'm sure, but that doesn't stop it hurting. Big hugs xxx

  • Oh WeeMrsH I really hope your weekend goes better than you imagine too, it's so difficult isn't it as you want to protect yourself from things like this but don't want to be a bad friend 😕 Big hugs xx

  • Oh gosh yes same here. Egg hunts. Ha, how ironic - I only just realised the link!!! Aaaagrrrr. You have to laugh or else we'd all go mad. I have a bit of a cold and may be blaming frequent retreats from the main load of people on that - hopefully you can do something similar to escape if it all gets too much? It's always so hard at someone else's house. Thinking of you. Thanks so much for replying, I think you're incredibly brave. Go us!! Xxx

  • Yes I'll escape to the bedroom if I have to!! Aww, that's so sweet of you to say so - and ditto to you too! Keep your chin up!! xxx

  • I SO get this!! I've just posted my own story... I'll paste here as it's long & I'm already running really late for work so can't type again ATM xx

    Hi, Im struggling to come to terms with this at the moment. I have good days & bad. One moment I'm doing fine, then (normally when alone) I'm suddenly sad again.

    We have been trying for 2 years, found out a month ago that I have PCOS and not ovulating. Then I had to have an X-ray to check my tubes & at the same time we were getting my OHs sperm results (we hoped 3rd time luck as had 2 bad ones). I decided on the Sunday that it was time to tell my mum about what we have been going through, I text her to ask if I could come round on the Wednesday (appointment was the thurs). 40 mins later my little sister (who has only just moved out of family home) FaceTimed me to tell me she's preg!! I sobbed!! Felt like a total bitch but couldn't stop!

    I went to my appointment last Thursday & was told that I also have a blocked tube & yet again OHs sperm count was too low. We were told our only option is IVF. I was (am) heartbroken.

    Told ALL family Thurs afternoon. My sisters response was, "well, you will be having this one enough" she then proceeded to tell me all about feeling sick, eating loads & showed me the things she's already bought (she's about 8/9 weeks). I came off FaceTime & guess what I did??? Yep, cried again!!

    Me, mum, sis & my cousin (my rock) went out on the Sat, all sat at a table & sis & mum were talking about what it's like when waters break, birth etc. It was SO hard to not sit there & cry!!

    I mentioned all this to my mum in the hope she would understand and maybe say something to my sister. But no such luck, she just told me that I need to understand that it's an exciting time for my sister & that they are going to be talking about it. I tried to explain that it's just so raw (3 days since finding out) but her response was that it's always going to be raw!!

    I just feel like no one gets it (other than my cousin who has also got friends that are going through IVF). My OH copes with everything so well (he works in a 999 call centre so nothing really gets to him) he says "it is what it is, there is nothing we can do to change it, let's be positve, at least we have the option of IVF". To be honest I know his way of thinking is best! His glass is always half full whereas mine is always half empty (or more! Lol).

    Since us trying I have had 2 family members & 5 friends (that I can think of) have babies & each time I have cried & then felt guilty for crying!!

    Even yesterday, the 1st one to be born is now 2, we saw her & her sister for Easter, I read her a book and I felt like I was crying inside whilst reading! I so badly want to be able to read to my own child... everyone keeps telling me to be positive and blah blah blah... no one gets it though!!

    We have had our blood tests and waiting on the results. We assume that they just go straight to the IVF clinic & the contact us in due course. I literally haven't got a clue what to expect with anything. I have avoided reading too much online as I did this before going for the test to see if my tubes are blocked & got myself worked up as everything I'd read was how horrible it was, but it was fine!!

    Any advice or your experiences would be great to read.


    Sarah xx

  • Oh Sarah, I'm so sorry. This is such a hard thing to have to deal with - and the people you turned to to support you the most haven't behaved how you hoped. Hugest hugs, I would also be in floods!!! I don't have a sister, so can only imagine how it feels.

    We've also been trying for 3 years. One of my close friends got pregnant a month ago - after saying she wasn't really sure even whether she was ready yet (she had her coil removed just before). My husband told me (her other half had told him) 24hrs in advance of me seeing her that she had just had a positive pregnancy test so that I could get over the news quietly and not react to her (bless him!!!)!

    It was such a mixed feeling - I love her desperately and so will love any child she has child desperately too - but it sent me into such an upset (.....one month!! Not even sure they're ready!! How unfair!!!)

    It took all my strength to carry on, go to work the next day, plan my excited face and practise the hugs I was going to give her in my head. Then, the absolute worst happened. As she was telling me the next day at a restaurant, she came back from the bathroom and said she had spotting. I told her to go to the doc, it might not mean anything.... but she did lose her bean. She was v matter of fact about it actually, and coped much better than I did with her news (!), but it's all SO emotional. Life and emotions are so fragile. I could tell she had felt really guilty telling me her original news too. Gosh it's all so messed up.

    Hopefully your Mum and sister will realise once they're over the initial excitement that there are ways of them still being excited and sharing some of that with you, without hurting you quite as much. They just don't understand - we feel like they have just won the lottery (more! Much better than that). If they had won the lottery (and weirdly couldn't share out the winnings - or something - bad analogy), they wouldn't be expected to talk about it all the time would they? Sorry - a v long way of saying - I'd be super upset too. It feels like they're rubbing it in - but they have no idea how you feel and how hard it is. Hopefully one day they will. In the meantime, look after yourself and remember you are a superwoman - you're keeping going despite the fact you're being tested like this by some of the closest people to you. You rock xxxxx

  • Gosh! That's awful! Bless you, can't imagine how you must have felt! So torn!

    A close work colleague of mine had a baby in Nov. She use to mock me for being broody as she never wanted children. Then one day her OH said he did, she came off the pill right away and was preg straight away! At the time I was having a crap time with docs etc and she was super insensitive too, but I just think that people don't get it unless they have experienced it.

    I got/get SO jealous! Especially of her & my sis as neither of them have ANY money are any good with bills, spend money like it's water, are very immature, don't look after themselves etc and like yours are very matter of fact about having a baby (work colleague used to wind me up - right up until born she referred to baby as IT!) whereas we have our home, live very comfortably, save money every month, are very sensible & both have SO much love & time to give to a child.

    My mum & sister will never change. My sister is very selfish with everything & my mum doesn't do empathy or emotion tbh so don't know why I expected any.

    Today was just 1 bad day, not sure why, just felt low from moment I woke up. Hopefully tomorrow will be better! Although I am going to mums tomorrow & just found out that my sister going too! Brill!!

    It sounds like you too are a superwoman my dear. Thanks for being there. Xx

  • I'm sorry your struggling I think we put so much pressure on our shoulders and we spend so much time worrying about there events and if we will be able to hold it all together. We have all been there and get what your going through. Someone wrote on here the other day we are warriors not worries, im sure you have an inner warrior that you can channel to get you through the weekend xxx

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