Coping with infertility

Hi ladies

I'm sorry this is gonna be a rubbish post.. I thought I was pregnant this month coz my period was late but yesterday and today I've had some spotting and now feel my period is about to rear it's ugly head. I am so heartbroken I can't stop crying. I think I need to get some counseling can I get this through my gp? as I am not coping at all 3 and a half years of ttc has affected me badly. I am ready to admit I feel depressed. And I do not feel like I will ever have a baby and I need real help coming to terms with it all I ever wanted as to be a mummy again. Feel so empty and lost.

Wishing everyone good luck ttc. X

22 Replies

  • I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I've been seeing a counsellor for some time now and I have found that it has really helped. Fertility issues can be really isolating particularly if, like us, you decide not to tell many people (we are having IVF but don't want people constantly asking us about it) and nearly all my friends have had at least one baby in the time we have been trying. My first step was seeing my GP who recommended a counsellor which I pay for. I can't remember what the position was under the NHS but I was so desperate to see someone I paid myself. Good luck xxx

  • Hi jess

    I sorry I haven't been around I just found it hard to be on this website I was just trying to cope with my pregancy had a few blips but everything fine and okay now, I have been keeping an eye on you though and today I thought your really need people around you, chick it will happen I does patience us so so hard it took me nearly 5 1/2 years to get where I am and it still hard now new worries and stress come trust me, but I'm back on top form now so if you need me you know where I am if not just be kind to sure self chin up chick keep trying don't give upxxxxxx

  • Hello Jess, Im relatively new to these forums but your feelings are not in isolation, you are not alone and how you feel is completely completely normal. Going through infertility issues in itself can be lonely and feels so isolating at times, but you have made an extremely postive and proactive choice about seeking further support via counselling. There are many amazing organisations out there that can support you. I hope that you dont mind me asking, are you under a fertility clinic or Gyn Consultant?

    Please do no underestimate how resilient you are and have been over the last 3 and a half years and look, you still are working towards the ultimate goal, having your baby. You are stronger than you realise. That and AF is a nasty evil witch!!!

  • Hi Jess,

    Sometimes you need a good cry! Dealing with infertility is really difficult so don't give yourself a hard time for having a bad day. It doesn't mean you're not strong.

    I see a counsellor and it's one of the best decisions I've made in this process. I am much stronger and have much better clarity of thought. I pay to see someone who works at the same place I go to for acupuncture. But, the literature we have from the NHS has details of a counsellor so I expect your GP will be able to refer you.

    Its difficult to keep positive at times. I wonder if it's ever going to happen for us too...

    x x x

  • Ah jess I'm so sorry to hear this, I know what it's like each time your period is late you have that little glimmer of hope that maybe your pregnant and when it comes it's like the worst thing in the world, especially when you want it so much. Please know that your never alone and if you ever need to talk or just vent im here. Xx

  • Thinking of you Jess. I saw a CBT counsellor this time last year and it helped- although it wasn't a fertility counsellor- but they helped me change my thought process a bit to alter my behaviour and how I deal with it all. you are feeling hopeless just now but you still have your egg share!!! You still have hope Jess, it can still happen for you. Get something organised, a wee treat, for the next few weeks to focus on something else.... A girlie pamper break, a long weekend, a show whatever, maybe take some time off "trying". Then pick yourself up, and refocus on the egg share that's bound to happen soon!!! Lots of love xxx

  • Hi jess. My heart goes out to you, it really does. Especially as you've been SO supportive to so many of us on here. So you really deserve some love and support back. This crazy journey we're on lifts up and down, gives us hope, makes us angry, makes us cry, sometimes makes us happy and all these constant emotions obviously take their toll. I don't think I've ever felt so drained after the miscarriage last Oct. But I did get strong again and I know you will too. Just let yourself be upset and above all don't beat yourself up for this blip in your positivity and hope. I know it's bloody hard, I really do. Maybe as the others have said counselling may be a good thing to see if it can help you through this time. At least give it a try.

    Hope you feel better soon and message any time you want to chat or rant!

    Take care ok xx xx

  • Hi Jess ... as girls said u have bn great support to lots of us x know exactly how u feel ... madness bursting your head and heart .. questions are killing u and depression is easy to fall into ... plz stay strong I believe theres good waiting for good ppl with good hearts and we will get our babies one day x I am bn that bad that I am thinking about ending my relationship .. because problem is in my partner .. who has 4 kids from previous relationship coming to see him regularly while I am waiting to go thru ivf and thinking if I was with someone else I would be pregnant naturally ages ago ... its so selfish and horrible but same time we r together 5 years and bn thru lot and I am scared that he will do it .. let me go and get someone who can give me family ... just to stop this pain ... x its so hard affecting our lives too much and I feel everyday really bad .. but then I come here and read all nice words and stories and they help a bit ... X lots of love hope counselling will help x

  • I went through the same thing at Christmas, was 4 days late then AF arrived on Christmas Day- talk about a kick in the teeth! I am having counseling with Naomi Wolfson from Her prices are really good and she also runs workshops to help ladies like us and has lots of free resources. I have found it to be an effective, affordable way to help get my head around what is happening to me on this long, crappy journey. Maybe have a look at her website and see if you think it could help. I hope you feel better soon. Xxx

  • Hi Jess, this journey is difficult physically & emotionally. I think seeing a counsellor would help. GP may be able to advise, although I organised my own, found infertility counsellor. She helped me move forward before I started ivf. The clinic may also have a recommended counsellor but it depends how far the travel time is for you, you might be able to find someone nearer. Good luck to you Jess. Some days are always worse than others. Hope you have some good days soon. xx

  • So sorry to hear your news. I just wanted to say that you aren't alone, this happened to me in November after our final round of Gonal F injections. I spent days and weeks wishing I'd never let myself hope I was pregnant as then I wouldn't have had to deal with the devastation my late period brought. But a month or 2 later I am calmer and am able to let myself hope again as we wait to see if our funding application is accepted for IVF on the NHS. I did go to the GP and went through referral to the mental health services to get some support, in fact I have tried this 3 times over the 5 years of us trying for a family. But each time I have found the counselling unhelpful as I have found they don't focus on the infertility and look for other reasons for my difficulty coping with things, when, as we all know, it is the stress and difficulties associated with infertility that make it so hard for us day by day. So I am now seeing a specialist fertility counsellor and I can very much recommend this. Her understanding of the specifics of treatment and mental anguish that accompanies it means it is so much easier to explain myself. I wish you well at this really difficult time and hope that, given enough time, you too will be able to hope again. With much love Mandy xx

  • Hi Jess, this whole process sucks and is so, so unfair. Allow yourself to feel bad for a few days and then if you can, try and focus on your plans and book some things to look forward to. I find my accupuncture lady and reflexologist are so knowledgable in this area and have both been like lovely councillors to me. EVERY month for the past 3 years me and my husband always wish for that BFP but it has not happened. It is so, so hard but I keep holding on to the fact that good things happen to good people eventually. Sending you lots of good wishes and hugs xx

  • Sorry for late reply head was a bit of a mess but feeling bit better now. I have felt so touched by everyone's kind words puts tears in my eyes reading such lovely responses :) thank you all :)

    Booked an appointment with a practice nurse and I'm gonna talk all about my depression and have got some health concerns mid cycle bleeding and every other month I have strange bleeding between cycles and I want the nurse to run some hormone blood tests to see if everything is normal. It's happened 3 times I wanna get to the bottom of why it's happening. I have written it all down cd days and luckily it's been recorded on my days app on I phone so I've just typed it up :) Maybe some good can come out of bad.

    Scribble1603 yes it very hard and your so right it's such a private thing and I find many people just don't get it so no point in talking to them. But being on here with others who do

    Undrrstand helps a little :) all our friends have babies know that one feel very left out they make it look so easy arr and it's not! Good to know counseling has helped you hoping it will make a differance for me. Xxx

    Kim lovely to be back in touch with you have missed you lots xxx

    Hopeful1982 some days are def harder than others it's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels like that. It's the most difficult thing I've ever faced. Xxxx

    Weemrsh glad to see the counseling I def need to change my thought pattern. You're right I've still ivf if nothing happens all is not lost :) xxx

    Hope23 you always have such lovely kind words for everyone you're amazing :) always the wrong people struggling for a baby ,the ones who would make great parents! Will def look into counseling just to help me deal with it better than I do.. I have a great hubby but I just push him away and withdraw it's not fair on him and he's so behind me on this I'm very lucky in lots of ways xxx

    Miroslava it must be so hard loving a man that can't bring you children in a natural way and only way of having a family for you is ivf.. I really get that . Esp when friends around you are popping out babies 24/7 I find it hard to accept ivf may become my only chance of being a mum again.But you know lots and lots of couples have a family from ivf and it dosent really matter how your baby is conceived all that matters you both becoming a family with the man you want to spend your life with it will be so special for you. XxBloody annoying long wait tho hey?! Still haven't heard from my clinic. Have you? Xxx

    Kernishp. My period is never ever late I cannot beleive it started 3 days late just as had great hope I might be pregnant it came! As soon as my guard was down out came the witch. Horrible. Will def look into that tho could do with all trying stuff that might help can't hurt. Yes it's very crappy journey hopefully we get our babies at the end of this suffering xxx

    Dee22. Yes def some days can be very tough nice to hear counseling helps :) My fertilty clinic is 100 miles away tho they ofter free counseling it's just not practical.. I'll try and sort something out via my gp. Hope you're ok xxx

    Mandy1978 it's so hard not to give yourself hope when your period is late coz mine is never late. As soon as starting thinking I was there she came! It really really hurt coz you're so desperate to be preg. I don't think it's fair our bodies doing that to us on top if everything else. I will try my gp counseling service and if not my clinic ofters free counseling. Glad it's helped you xxx

    MrsDx isn't it just impossible not to hope for it..? After all you want it more than you have wanted anything. But I'm sure both our time will come and it will be the best ever news when we get that BFP :) There has to be some hope some light at the end of the tunnel xxx hugs back to you xxx

  • Hi Jess ... nothing yet .. I am goin to see GP on monday for new bloods coz last ones expire 17th february and also goin to ask to get my thyroid checked as was reading a lot that it affects treatment and clinics dont test it for some reason and know u had it done ... so do something while I am still waiting and dont want to moan again but feel horrible and like its never gonna happen but promised myself to keep this under control and try to help others too by stayin positive x lots of luck and love for u

  • Miroslava It's so hard waiting but it will be worth it Hun x regarding thyroid blood test your tsh levels need to be between 1 and 2.5 for fertilty purposes. I know this coz when I had my tsh tested in September it was 3.9 and my clinic sent me a prescription for thyroxine to lower my tsh. I was told to book up another tsh when id been taking thyroxine for 3 weeks and it went down to 1.56 luckily :) If you do need thyroxine you will take it throughout your ivf and if preg will have it checked as pregnancy hormones can affect tsh.. Im surprised your clinic didn't do this test as part if your screening results def needs to looked into coz it's very common for women to have.. Good luck xxx keep me posted xxxx

  • Hi ladies I have an update :

    Saw a lovely nurse today and she took swabs off me to check for any infections that might be causing the bleeding between periods . She Said that's the first part of the investigations they would need to rule out first :) So I get the results next week and if I have an infection I will need to see a dr to get antibiotics. Even if I don't have an infection still need to see a dr to see if further tests are needed to (which nurse thinks they need to do some tests /maybe refer me to get to the bottom of why I bleed between every other cycle -happened 3 times now) I'm seeing a lady dr 17th feb to see wot she wants to do. And to arrange some counseling.. Maybe some good can come out of bad :) Hope everyone else is ok xxx thanks for all the wonderful support xxxx

  • This is good news Jess- you are sounding a little more positive. Take each day at a time. xx

  • Thanks weemrsh it was really great to have such support from the nurse and the fact that they will investigate it I wasn't sure wot response I'd get nurse was brilliant :) Glad to hear you've made good progress and are onto the next stage how exciting :) xxx

  • Hi Jess, it's amazing how much better you feel just by taking proactive action or knowing something can be done or be looked at. Have you heard anything more about your egg share? We are excited thanks- but daunting too! xx

  • I'm on thyroxine too and my last 2 cycles have been 30 days, rather than 26 days (they've always been 24-26 days) My doctor said it is most likely my body reacting to the thyroxine and this is not a bad thing- maybe it's the same for you? I hope your docs can give you good news or at least clarification soon. Xxx

  • Hi Kernishp thanks for replying. Yes thyroxine definitely has an affect on your cycle runs but in a good way balances the other hormones out :) have you been taking it long? I used to have Lh surge day 11 on a 28 day cycle now it's day 12 or sometimes day 13 much more normal and it's a day 27 or 28 cycle dependent on when I ovulate it's two weeks from then I'll get my full flow period. Which is bit more normal I think :) I've been taking it since sept and it's the first time my period was late I guess sometimes periods do rarely do that. Luckily mine are 99% turn up on expected day for that I'm thankful. It upset me it was late coz I allowed myself too much hope but that isn't why I saw the nurse. It's the bleeding that I get in between my periods it happens every other month( 3 times in the last 6 months) I want to know why it's happening and if there's anything wrong esp before considering going through ivf. I don't want anything affecting my chances. glad the nurse took it seriously hopefully my dr will too.

    Hope things are going well your end xxxx

  • Hi Jess, I just found out about this free counselling in London check it out. not sure what they are like but one of our members recommended them.

    Also here is my website with lots of blogs and free coping techniques.

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