Self help tips/advice with low mood and baby envy with TTC

[Pinklily2]

Hi everyone! New here as recently I’ve been at my whits end with my mental and emotional state with TTC for the past 2 years. I have had my progesterone levels checked which came back good and my hubby will be doing a sperm sample next month so hopefully we can get answers and a plan! Any self help tips with the low mood and baby envy that I’m experiencing?? TIA x

[CJohns]

Hey. I would suggest coming away from any social media (if you haven’t already done so), and although it might not be deemed healthy and more like avoidance, I would just avoid as many places or situations where you might see pregnant people or new borns. This massively helped me with walking etc on the weekends, as I was often going to child friendly national trust places or woodland walks and if I saw one pregnant person or a baby, I saw 10. I don’t really have any advice for dealing with the emotion itself, but I’m sure some of the ladies on here will have good suggestions xx

[Pinklily2 in reply to CJohns]

Thank you! In terms of baby envy, there are people I know who are now due baby #2 within the time we have been TTC, I have this overwhelming feeling that it seems to be happening for everyone around me apart from us and it makes me feel so frustrated! I’m a residential childcare worker and have always felt a need to be a Mum, I co-parent as a career and just long so much to have our own special wee person! With additional tests in the pipeline I’m hopeful this will help relieve my anxieties and we will know what’s what and see how we move forward, it’s just really difficult trying to stay hopeful and positive but thank you for your advice! ☺️ Hope you are well x

[Boo718]

Honestly keep busy try and stay off google. That will drive you insane. The ivf process is quite long and if you let it it will take over your life. Mentally and emotionally draining. You have to stay strong stay positive and if u need to, talk to someone xxx

[Pinklily2 in reply to Boo718]

Thank you! I’ve spoken with my GP who referred me to the mental health nurse at the practice as my concentration and stuff has went to tatters and it’s beginning to have an impact on my day to day life and work. I know there’s no “quick fix” but I am hopeful once we know what’s what and come to terms with whatever that may be we can work on a plan to move forward. I feel guilty for “burdening” close ones as it’s a very sensitive and emotional matter so do feel I would benefit from speaking to someone external with no judgement or opinion, I’m still currently sourcing someone. Thank you for your advice! ☺️ x

[Hoping20]

Hi there, I’m sorry you are through this. Infertility truly sucks and is the hardest thing I’ve had to go through so far in my life. You need to put yourself and feelings first. I would say try to avoid triggering situations. And as others have said, reduce your social media if you haven’t already done so. The one thing that keeps me going is hope...try not to lose this. Take care and remember you are not alone x

Images are hidden by default on this community. Learn more

Show imageRemember my choice on this device

[Pinklily2 in reply to Hoping20]

Thank you! Yeah I think social media will be next on my list as it’s a popular place for me to see things in relation to pregnancy. I’m trying so hard to remain hopeful and have seen on this page so far that although difficult everyone is trying their best and not losing hope ❣️ I haven’t found anyone I can have open and honest discussions with about this, and with folk that have been through/going through the same thing. I will keep you all posted about our journey x

[Mudra85]

Hi Pinklily2 I'm sorry your finding things tough at the moment. TTC struggles are such a hard thing to go through. I'm currently having a tough journey to motherhood (not there yet) and so I can really relate to the mental and emotional rollercoaster.

In terms of self help tips I can tell you what has helped me somewhat. I came off social media completely as I found it very upsetting constantly seeing pregnancy and baby announcements. I stopped going to anything baby related, so no baby showers or anything like that (easy to do when it was the height of covid restrictions). I did confide in a couple of friends and family members, which helped, but it's such a personal matter that you have to think carefully about who you confide in. I also created boundaries with people who despite knowing of our situation and how difficult we were finding things, did things I felt were insensitive and thoughtless. Distancing from some people might seem extreme but I found that doing so gave me a sense of control (in a situation where you feel there's often no control) about taking care of my own emotional needs. Regularly exercising has been very beneficial to shift some of the nervous energy I have. Finally (and this is one I've not been so good at) I think it's important to distract yourself. The waiting times will pass so much more quickly if you can find a good distraction, but I know all too well that finding the motivation can be difficult when you're feeling low.

[Mudra85 in reply to Mudra85]

I also wanted to add that your feelings are completely valid. This is the hardest thing I know I've ever been through. It sounds like you and your husband are taking positive steps in terms of getting tests done to find out if there may be an issue. You are also taking steps to help with your mental and emotional state, so you're doing all the right things. I hope you're able to get the answers you need in order to be able to get a plan in place. X

[Pinklily2 in reply to Mudra85]

Thank you so much for this, you have rounded up things that I have been thinking but almost felt a bit of guilt about (social media, setting boundaries, being particular who I confide in etc). I think from the outside it can appear distant and selfish however the benefits mentally and emotionally would absolutely supersede this going through such a daunting journey! I’ve found that I’ve had difficulty being open about this so far which has led to me bottling it up to the point that my mood can rapidly dip because I hadn’t found a safe outlet. I shared with a family member at the weekend and their response was not helpful, appropriate or even diplomatic in any way and I let them know that which they didn’t seem too pleased about however I feel like that was their problem as they weren’t being mindful towards the situation. Your advice has been eye opening to me, thank you for sharing your experiences ❣️x

[Mudra85 in reply to Pinklily2]

I'm glad this has helped a little. It's easy to feel like you're being selfish, but there's nothing selfish in doing what you need to do protect yourself emotionally. You don't need to feel guilty for doing that, you are already dealing with a lot. I've also learned the hard way that many people just can't understand how difficult TTC struggles are. I've found that people often want to try and 'fix' things or make you feel better, but all too often that comes in the form of unhelpful and ill-informed advice, or platitudes. I've also found that even when you tell people politely but directly about your difficulties and how hard it is, they often still don't get it and will do and say things that unintentially hurt further. It's understandably difficult for people who've never been there to comprehend, and so sometimes if they're just not getting it it's easier to just take some space for a little while. But everyone is different and has different coping strategies. What may work for me may not be right for others.

[Camkid12]

Hi pinklily

Welcome to the forum 💖 I don’t post a lot myself, but you’re sure to get lots of information and advice on here from people that really do understand what this journey is like. It can be a total shit show, but you will get through it. I don’t know how, but we do!

I haven’t really found anything specific that helps, but I love gardening and cooking so do lots of that which distracts me for spells at a time. I have booked an appointment with the counsellor too. I’m currently in the ‘hate pregnant people’, ‘hate people with babies’, ‘hate I’m having to do IVF’ stage. But I’ve been here before, and once you have a plan and get started it does get easier.

My best advise to you with regards to treatment is get informed, ask questions, and don’t be shy to speak up. We were ttc for 2 years before going to GP, then got referred to gynaecologist which took 9 months, all my result were fine and only got referred due to MFI. At that point my thyroid was borderline under active. After an 8 month wait we finally started IVF. Got 1 embryo transferred at day 3 which failed. It was only through this forum that I took the pro-active approach and got my GP to test my thyroid again. My TSH was 7 by then and the clinic like it to be 2.5-4. I passed this info to them and they put me on levothyroxine. Was on that for 10 weeks and got GP to check it again - hasn’t made 1 bit if difference! I’ve been on downreg meds for 4 weeks now and should have started injections last week. I have bloods to get done again next week, and if my TSH hasn’t gone down enough then the cycle will be abandoned. I don’t want this to put you off or worry you, but I’m so angry as I could have been sorting this issue well over a year ago, now I feel like they wasted my first cycle and if it wasn’t for me being pro-active then they’d just have gone ahead and done another cycle without checking it.

Wishing you the best of luck and hopefully you get a plan in place soon. xx

[Pinklily2 in reply to Camkid12]

Thank you so much for this! I think the whole fertility saga can be an absolute minefield, because of Covid my first appointment was over the phone and the Dr asked if I had any questions and I had a total brain fart then afterwards I was like “I have SO many questions!!!” I will be sure to do plenty of research and there’s actual experiences to read up on here too which I’m sure will be really helpful and give me some guidance.

I’m so sorry you’re experiencing delays and with things that could have been looked into sooner, that must be really difficult and frustrating 😢 I will be keeping everything crossed for you ❣️x

[Camkid12]

It is the definition of rollercoaster I think! 😂 I have a folder I carry around with all the letters and results, and I keep a notepad for when things pop into my mind so I can ask the nurses when I have appointments.

It’s easy to go down the rabbit hole reading things on line, but I feel like on here it’s real life so it’s trustworthy if that makes sense.

I was very much like ‘trust the doctors and do what they tell you’ but now I wish I’d asked more questions sooner. But at the end of the day we just have to grit our teeth and get on with it.x

[Runcaptain]

Hey Pinklily2 lots of good advice above. I just wanted to add I have found a local group of women all TTC through the fertility network Uk. We meet on zoom each month & finding women who I can speak openly to about this sort of thing has been a game changer. Perhaps you could see if there is something similar in your area as having a safe space to talk it through with people who understand can really help. Even if it only helps you feel that little bit less alone & recognise your feelings are totally normal in this realm x