My cousins pregnant and we are like best friends 😕Secondary infertility .maybe sensitive for some

[Afrohair]

Me and my cousin drifted apart when younger as she moved out to London she has recently returned and I’m really happy because we’ve got really close but just as it’s moving up to my would have been due date she announces that’s shes 8 week pregnant Again I’m really happy for her but all I’m hearing now is I’m dreading the summer I can’t do anything when I’m pregnant with my son I wanted to go camping .I’m looking forward to Christmas because my family will be complete. just want to rant on here because I felt like saying imagine going through summer pregnant morning sickness full boobs etc and not get your baby in the end .lost my daughter at 12.5 week and I’ll never get a Christmas with her.imagine looking out your window in the garden being the only place you can see her in a tomb she knows I lost my baby but is so ignorant of it I don’t know if she’s saying these stuff and forgetting or what I just think I would have been ready to have mine and we would of had babies together but no god had other plans just don’t know if I’m gunna be able to cope now watching her bloom I can’t isolate myself from her cause my issue is secondary infertility I’m already around people with children not ones without children Hope there’s someone on here what can kind of relate don’t want to offend anyone on here or be told I should be grateful we all have same feelings in end

[RhinoCat]

I think some people don’t think of others at all . 🤷🏼‍♀️

There are people in the world who only have a small dose of empathy and she might be one of them . 🤬

I have a range of friends supporting my ivf journey and the best is my single late forties friend who will never have children . She has No reason to get it more than others but it is her heart that makes the difference. 💖

My friend who is a mother of two and had three miscarriages is dreadful . She doesn’t ever ask how things are going and when you tell her bad news she doesn’t give a toss . Just says ‘I feel bad’ then chats about handbags 😆

I have one friend who tosses away what I say about ivf when she asks with flippant remarks . The same girl had her second baby a few weeks ago and has called at my house uninvited the week after our negative test yet never mentioned it the whole time she was here . I was glad when they left . 😱🥺

It’s really hard when you are the one in pain in the world and just wanting someone to ‘see’ you.

Have you tried saying some of what you really feel out loud to her?

I have found that my mother of two and three miscarriages friend changed her tune when I told her how lonely this journey was and about how my single no child friend had been so supportive . She assumed that friend had been through ivf or something until I said no she hasn’t , she just tried to listen and imagine how it must feel to be in the situation .

Your cousin is blinded by her own happiness and misinterprets your closesness as you feeling same way as she does. You would be better to share how your heart is hurting on your own journey and maybe she will be softer.

Although she might also not get it because she’s not that kind of person .

I’ve resigned myself to fact that my best friend just needs told when I’m having a shit day . When she asks what can she do , I just say listen so I don’t feel so alone in it. 💐 also, don’t put yourself in situations when you are having a tough day. Protect your heart ❣

This journey is hard but every situation is temporary .

So sorry about the loss of your longed for little angel . Must be so painful at times like this.

Today is hard but maybe tomorrow or the next day will be better .

Sending hugs of understanding 💖💖💖💐💐💐

May you find a way to have some joy in it all

Hugs

Rhinocat x 💐

[Hartley1 in reply to RhinoCat]

Some ppl are so oblivious to others Feelings. I guess some days are awful for us and some days aren't so bad. Just hoping you have more good than bad days to come. Sorry to hear about your little one...must be so difficult. Good luck...xxx

[Afrohair in reply to RhinoCat]

Thankyou love you’ve really made it a lot more easier I think like you say she’s wrapped in her own happiness I don’t want to dampen her happiness I just want her to be considerate .i have told her about my misscarrige and she said sorry etc but she told me first out all family she was pregnant I presumed she knew I had a misscarrige at that point because her mum knew which is why I was shocked she told me first but it’s got to point where she always wants to come and talk and it’s about the baby and her boyfriend she’s only been with him for 4 month aswell so was a shock to me I’ve never met him the relationship sounds like it will fall through but I don’t want to say that I knew she wanted a baby for a while but didn’t think it would creep up on me like this.

I’ve not really said anything out loud to her cause I feel I’ll burst her bubble then she would get upset it’s like whatever I do one of us will get upset.

I was just getting over my mum introducing me to baby friends (I’ve no idea why she thought it was a good idea I’ll blame her early onset dementia)

Your right that some people are just self absorbed in that way !

Xxx

[RhinoCat in reply to Afrohair]

Make sure when you have a chat that she knows you’re feeling down etc or even make that the reason for a coffee date or something . Just talk from your place , let her know that you are struggling at the minute with a recent work maternity announcement or whatever , ( keep it away from her situation )

she will get the point eventually , hopefully . No point you running around wasting energy if she’s not even aware etc .

💐💖 other option is to keep her at arms length for a bit until you get yourself in a stronger place .

[Afrohair in reply to RhinoCat]

Yes I know just find it difficult repeating myself lol like I said she may think I’m dampening her shine letting her know lol but it’s not that at all I’m just grieving my own everyone seems to think it’s ok and that I will get over it my mattress hasent even been replaced I’m reminded of it everyday!(big pool of blood stained on double mattress from misscarrige at home)

[Domeris in reply to Afrohair]

Hi Afrohair, I can relate to what you’re saying. My experience has been people (mainly family members) hiding their pregnancies from me because they don’t want to upset me, but what actually upset me was the fact that they were hiding it. It just made me think that they were making assumptions about how I felt without asking me. I thank the lord every day for letting me not feel envious or “angry” for want of a better word, for everyone else around me getting pregnant and not me. I feel bad for my husband when his friends ask him when he’s going to have a child and he gives them some kind of holding answer. But what gives me hope and keeps me going is that I know that by the blessing of god I will one day have my own little bundle of joy. So I try not to let other people’s “happiness” overshadow my own daily blessings from above.

I’m not sure if I have made you feel better, but I’m just letting you know that this is how I cope with life’s daily challenges. x

[Afrohair in reply to Domeris]

Thankyou for your reply as I said I’m very happy for her but it puts me in despair I actually don’t think she realises! as she’s just having her moment .

thats awful people hiding it as your bound to notice eventually so that’s just silly but they probably want to protect your feelings.

My partner is the same In That sence it’s like people don’t think and he said he wishes people would stop asking!when their wives are having more children they shouldn’t presume it’s easy for everyone.he has to make an excuse.

Just the other day my other cousin (male)was showing me his new baby and how she was reproduced over a lady purposely not taking her pill he then proceeded to ask when is it my turn and I actually told him what happened and I was given hundreds of apologies.what they should do is ask.do you want to see pictures of my new baby?not come and look at this and so forth x

[Ranchu90 in reply to RhinoCat]

Your words are just touching my soul!

[Hidden]

It's not fair is it when you really want something and then it's shoved in your face ad infinitum!

Some people are just insensitive though.

[Hidden]

I have quite a number of inconsiderate family and friends too. I try to compartmentalize and make excuses for them. Earlier in this journey I used to discuss it with them but I have come to realize they don't really care and now I don't discuss it with them anymore.

That is why forums like this are so important. I have a particular friend who calls me spending hours discussing her problems.. I listen I empathize but when I manage to squeeze in my fertility issue, it just goes over her head like I didn't even say anything, so now I just keep it to myself

It's a lonely journey, some people will probably not get it, so we just have to pull together and encourage one another.

Take comfort in knowing you are not alone and we will always be here to listen. Sending you hugs and love

[Afrohair in reply to Hidden]

Thankyou lovely 😊

[Afrohair]

Just thought I’d update on this !

my cousin had a misscarrige at 8 weeks she was angry and talking about how all of a sudden the guy had stopped talking to her and moved out when she told him.this so called happy relationship she talked about now turned into a abusive relationship and then told me how everyone in the family has more than one child still very much self evolved in herself .I do feel she will go on and have another child and it was just one of those things though I’ve continued to support her she’s still very much oblivious to what happened to me why are people like that ?so self evolved urgg love her to bits but hate that side of her.