Struggling 😞

No questions here .... I just need a bit of a rant. I had both my tubes removed recently and were just waiting around for follow up appointments and referrals and NHS funding etc. I feel empty and numb- and useless. I have nobody I feel I can turn to- as I'm sure a lot of you ladies can understand, friends and family do their best to help and be positive, but they don't really understand and you don't want to burden them. My husband works away, so although I tell him a bit I try not to let on how much I'm really struggling as I don't want him to worry when he can't do anything to help me from where he is really. So I'm struggling with the infertility shit and the fact that I don't see my husband for sometimes months at a time and to top it off my neighbours are a bunch of vile, mouthy, disrespectful idiots! She is a single mum with 10 kids! None of which have any respect for anything or anyone. They just shout and argue and bang 24/7, She has told me before that some days she wants to just walk away, How on earth does someone like that deserve 10 children while people like us struggle? 😞

I know we all have down days but I feel like I'm having a down ..... month. I just can't stop moping and crying. I was considering going to the doctors but I really don't want to be on tablets! 😏😞

17 Replies

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  • Hi Krushby89. I know the ladies on here will support you loads while you are struggling and waiting for your follow up appointment. However, I just wanted to offer a bit of practical help if you want it. I have a list of questions you could have a look through before you go back. There just may be a couple you hadn't thought of asking. Email me in confidence to support@fertilitynetworkuk.org and I will send it to you. Meanwhile I hope you get loads of support here - I'm sure you will. Thinking of you. Diane

  • Sorry to hear you're struggling. You're not alone here. Life is very unfair at times, certainly the struggle of infertility is. Thinking of you x

  • Thank you , your right , I'm not alone. Its just hard to remember that at times. But this app helps! And seeing people like yourself get BFPs gives me hope. Congratulations again!! πŸŽ‰πŸŽˆπŸŽ€πŸΌ

  • Like yourself bfps on here gave me hope too! This is a safe place to share 😊 Thank you 😊 xx

  • Hi,

    I can relate. I had my left ovary and tube removed due to a huge cyst. I was surprised how long it took for hormones to settle. I was also extremely angry and went between rage and sobbing on a regular basis. I initially thought the worst and was worried it was cancer, then after tests determined it wasn't I was even more angry. Then it hit me, right I'm not going to die from this but now I can't conceive naturally and all the rage and tears came flooding because of that. I was angry at pretty much everything.

    Losing lady bits rocked me to my inner core. I felt useless and broken and felt less female. It took a good six to nine months for my hormones to settle but it did get better. I think I grieved over losing my tube and ovary which seems really weird it's not a kidney or a lung but blooming heck it had a huge effect.

    If you are struggling with someone to talk to, ask your gp for counseling. Might help to speak to someone to get it all out and get you healing and in the right frame of mind to start ivf. X

  • Oh I'm sorry you've been on this awful journey too. Before the op I was very matter of fact, they're not working? Get them out! But now they're gone .... I don't know, just not as easy to let go as I thought. I've been thinking of ringing my gp but I'm scared to be put on antidepressants. But I guess If I tell them that, hopefully they will take that into consideration and maybe I can get someone to speak to like you say. Thank you for your reply, helps to know I'm not the only one with these crazy feelings x

  • Nope you are not the only one at all. I still get angry about it as the gp should have picked up on it sooner etc etc. Why did it happen to me etc.

    I've been depressed and it wasn't depression I was going through grief a bit of shock plus some raging hormones. So anti depressants would have been no good.

    I think it's a perfectly reasonable request to say that you don't have anyone to talk to and you need a bit of counseling to work things out.

    BTW if any men give you shit and try to trivialise this, ask how they'd feel if you chopped their balls off. Puts things into perspective for men to understand and empathise ;-) worked a treat on my boss lol. As I say, I was full of rage.

    Feel free to pm me anytime x

  • Haha I love that - 'worked a treat on my boss!' Go girl!! To be fair my husband tries his best, and if he was actually here I'm sure he would be amazing but he's always away working ridiculous hours and he worries about me as it is. Hopefully my gp can help me sort out some counselling. Thank you for replying ! ❀️

  • My husband was like a rock too but I think this analogy helps people understand it maybe a small part of you but emotionally it means something.

    I also used this when the Dr said a hysterectomy was the only way to cure my endo. Not only was that completely untrue but he was baffled when I looked upset about the idea!

    It's also absolutely amazing how many women have had lady bits removed. When I talked to women at work they'd had either full hysterectomies or ovaries and tubes removed to help with conditions like fibroids. It's really common to the point where it's upsetting to think that medicine just thinks whipping out our organs is the best way when you'd think modern medicine could try to at least understand what's going on and proactively manage and research conditions like endo and fibroids. Seems lady bit medicine is a dark art and little is known which is really sad.

    Anyway I hope you are feeling better that you are no way alone and not going crazy.

    I had a major wobble after egg collection where they got a relatively low number of eggs and it brought it all flooding back about why we were going through this. They offer counseling as part of the ivf process and I'm going to get a few sessions in which will probably focus on what's happened with the left ovary.

    Take care x

  • Yer I totally understand what you mean about the doctor, my gynaecologist was an insensitive prick! Shocking really, why go into such a profession if you have ZERO compassion.

    And yes the nurse (who gave me 200% more information than the useless 'specialist') said that removing the tubes can effect the ovaries functioning for your ivf, that's playing on my mind but what can we do ..... we have to trust in the medicine ! Thank you so much for taking the time to reply x x

  • It's nice to know I'm also not alone in being in this horrid situation. Well fingers crossed. Hopefully the ovaries still continue to function. I was told that the op to remove uterus and tubes but leave the ovaries would result in the ovaries still making estrogen so they must be doing something. You can have blood tests done by the gp to check you are ovulating to put your mind at rest but even if you aren't ovulating they still have drugs to make you do that.

    After having my meltdown and saying I would deck the consultant if I saw him again I bloody saw him an hour later in waitrose! My husband dragged me away and said we will shop in Asda from now on as there's no chance in seeing him in there lol.

  • Hey hun.so sorry to read that you feel like this. InfertIity is such a cruel cruel journey and yes life can be so unfair at times. Hard I know when you feel like this, and we all have on here at one time or another, but you have to try to concern yourself less about others and more about yourself. You need to concentrate on your physical and emotional strength as you will need both in huge bundles to get through ivf. .you already sound super strong to me given what you have already been through. .these 'life is so unfair' days suck and hurt so much but they will pass..focus on your next steps and find your inner strength and positivity and belief that you will be holding your baby soon xxxxx

  • I usually am very positive and like you say- just focus on the next step. But I'm struggling more than I expected with moving on from this 'step' πŸ™ I know I will get there , hopefully when we get moving on our ivf journey I will have something to focus my energy on! Thank you for your reply. X

  • Aww Krushby89, I just wanted to let you know your not alone. I had both my tubes removed last March too. At times I've had the odd blimp wishing I'd left them in but deep down it was for the best and had a huge cyst growing off my right one which they didn't realise till the op! It does get easier. sounds like your neighbours not helping how you feel. How hard to live next door to all that! Can you do anything in the evening that gets you out and feeling good?

    If you need to know anything then please message me and remember above all else, keep smiling and always have hope! Xx

  • Yer I feel exactly the same, like I'd made the decision hastily but like you say - deep down I know it was for the best ! I didn't have any cycsts, but lots of scar tissue that they weren't aware of until the op. It's hard because I don't work, so it's hard to find stuff to keep me out the house all day, plus I have my two dogs to look after. Now it's nicer I might start taking them on long walks - hopefully that will help me relax a bit. I see your currently going through ivf, so good luck with that ! Sending you sticky baby wishes πŸ˜πŸŒŸπŸ™πŸ½ X x x

  • Sending you lots of love Krushby89.xxx

  • Ah Hun, want to give u a big hug!! It is so hard to have your partner away. might be worth seeing if anyone on this forum is local to u that u could meet up with to chat? U might even find there's a local support group. If not u have a load of us here anyway to listen so rant away! We all do!!

    Completely understand as only just got rid of our vile neighbours last year with 5 kids,they moved out after the husband spent the benefit money on drugs instead of the rent!! And there's me being a good decent human being struggling away to have 1 child!!

    I would see your gp anyway as a decent one will send you for some councelling b4 they would put u on pills and it could really help to chat to someone who isn't emotionally attached to u.worth a try.

    Good luck with everything x

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