Worried about work 😞

Since my BFN last week I haven't been back to work. I still don't feel ready to go back. I feel sick even thinking about it. My two colleagues are heavily pregnant and the classroom consists of baby talk from morning till the end of the day. My one colleague fell pregnant the same week as my first transfer and is due the same week as I would've been. I know that sounds silly but it's really upsetting me. So far I've put on a brave face but I don't think I can do that any longer especially after 3 failed transfers. Im struggling to pick myself back up this time around 😰. I don't think anyone in work will understand how I feel, I'm worried they'll think I'm being petty when actually I'm feeling really depressed and upset. I don't think I can get through the school day without bursting into tears. I'm thinking maybe I should go to the doctors and take some time off or am I being unreasonable 😞

21 Replies

  • I think that would be a good idea to be honest. This is such a exhausting journey and you need time to heal yourself. Taking time off and maybe getting some counselling can really help. Be kind to yourself xxxx

  • You have to look after yourself . Take some time out . I completely understand how you feel . Get to the doctors tomorrow and get signed off until you feel stronger . Big hugs xxxxx

  • I think you should go to the gp. I also think it would be worth investigating counselling- if your gp can't refer you then maybe your fertility clinic had someone? Xx

  • After our miscarriage I had to be signed off for two weeks as I just couldn't face seeing anyone and only one person in the office knew. Look after yourself and tell the doctor how you feel. I hope you feel better soon x

  • You're not being unreasonable at all. You need to look after yourself and if you're constantly trying to put on a brace face, you're just going to crumble.

    I have the same issue with a colleague having the same due date (4thDecember) that I would have had for my first round. It really does hurt and then there's the guilt for feeling that way. I text my OH last week during lunch as I was trapped in the staff room and the pregnancy talk just wouldn't stop. I could feel myself welling up and thankfully he called and I got my excuse to get out. At the moment I feel like I just don't want to go through it all again but I also feel like I have no choice. I just want to stop time and give myself a break and have my life back.

    I hope you get the help you need and that time will help you to feel better and have hope xxx

  • Thanks for your replies, our hospital counsellor is hopeless she never even gets in touch if I need to speak to her. I've started paying for private counselling now it's a little expensive but I just want to feel better now. Work for me used to be a place to get away from all the IVF stuff but now I'm just around baby talk all day there's just no escape 😞

  • Have you told your colleagues how you feel? It might be worth doing it or asking another trusted colleague to talk to them so they tone down the baby talk when you're around? There really is no need for them to talk baby all day long, most pregnant people don't.

  • If that’s how you feel I would get signed off for a while. It doesn’t sound like you’re ready to go back just yet. Don’t put yourself through it. Look after yourself and put you first - I bet you don’t do it often xxx

  • Ps sending you big hugs xxxxxxx

  • Thank you ❤️ xxxxx

  • ❤️ Xx

  • I think it would be worth going to see your Gp. I can only speak about my own experience, but it gets harder and harder as you go along. You've been through such a lot and to be surrounded by pregnancy talk at work, your place to escape it all, must be really hard. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with that. Is there anyone who you trust who you could have a quiet word with to ask the others to tone it down? Anyway, as others have said, you need to put yourself first and it sounds like having some time off might give you some rest and headspace. Sending you a big hug xxx

  • Have you considered asking your doctor to sign you off for a while? I had mine sign me off for a couple of weeks as I was very depressed too. I also had fertility counselling through the NHS which was very helpful. She explained that it's a type of grief and how men can get through the process differently to women (I mention this because my partner and I dealt with it very differently and that was another thing I found hard).

    I hope you feel better soon.

  • Not at all I taken nearly 2weeks off after my bfn and even still I don’t even want to be at work. Do what’s right for u and if u need a week or two off to get urself back on ur feet just do it. Thinking of u and sending hugs. Xx

  • I’ve been off work for two weeks with this miscarriage and I won’t be going back this week either. I too feel I’m not ready to face the world properly, to get back to “normality” it makes everything feel much more real. Work are probably getting fed up and wondering when I’ll be back, they hinted as much last week without having the nerve to actually come out and say it. I’ve offered to get a note from my gp but there was no response to that. I’m still getting faint positives on pregnancy tests. Once it’s negative I’ll think about going back..

    The problem is, most work places don’t understand the pain involved in this journey and that pain includes bfns. They don’t understand the pain of infertility. Well I say screw them! If you don’t feel able then don’t do it to yourself. Get yourself signed off if you can and only go back when you feel you’re ready xx

  • Take all the time you need,some things in life have to take priority, & right now that is you, thinking of you, I found the only thing that got me going was the plan for what next, xx🤞💋💋🌈

  • I'm so sorry you have been through this. People who haven't been through the "infertility struggle" don't understand the impact on someone's life. After my second IVF cycle that led to a miscarriage I was devastated. A colleague, two of my good friends and my sister in law announced their pregnancies soon after our loss. I don't know which one was more devastating; our loss or dealing with other people's pregnancies at the same time?

    I felt I needed some time off and I went on a big holiday for 2 weeks. I also started free counselling which I managed to book through work. It was the best thing that I have done for myself and my wellbeing. I totally recommend it. My therapist mentioned NHS talking therapies as another free option if you can't have access to free counselling through work.

  • Thank you I didn't realise there was free counselling available. I work for a school so I'm employed by the local authority I would assume there's some support. I'm currently paying £50 a session. I've taken two weeks off work now. My employer was really supportive. I just hate being an inconvenience as other staff have to cover me down the nursery, but I just feel like I can't cope with work whilst trying to put myself back together ! I just need to focus on my mental health for the time being and get myself fit and well! Thank you il look into the counselling through work xxxxxxxx sorry to hear of your loss :( xxxxx

  • You need to look after yourself first and try not to worry about other people. Take care xx

  • Hi, it seems to me that you need to share your problem with your colleagues. But only with those colleagues with whom you communicate closely. When you tell them about your problem, you will feel better. You seem to get rid of the seriousness of your thoughts. And your colleagues will treat you with more understanding than before. In addition, they will be more careful in their statements, because they will understand that they can offend you. It seems to me that you need to treat your problem more calmly. Perhaps you need to rest and take a short vacation. Treat other people's children more easily. Do not avoid communication with other people's children, but rather, communicate with them very often. You need to visit your friends who have children. Fight with your problems, and do not avoid them. And maybe then you can refer to this issue differently. I think you will succeed. I believe that you are a strong person, but perhaps you just need the support of friends. And since you do not open your soul to them, because of this you feel lonely.

  • Glad to hear you've taken some more time off. Put yourself first, you are the most important in all of this. Your work will still be there when you are ready. Xx

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