Loosing faith need some support

I Am loosing faith. And feeling very exhausted. This last year being d worst. I had been trying for past 4 years. I'm not not me anymore. Given up all my life and dreams. Now only focus on my treatment. This last year I did conceive but to loose it to ectopic . And then didn't have d heart and strength to go again uptil now. In last 1 years 3 of my close friends whom I know through ivf fell pregnant after so many tries . And they are like 3-4 years older than me. I was happy for them initially. But down d pregnancy line lost one my friends as I could see she being scared of everyone who might have any negative impact on her pregnancy.

I feel so terrible and so hurt. Just want to run away. But d problem is I'm not giving up kinds.after 4 cycles I still have a dream of having my own child. Am I wrong I don't know.

Calling all women gone or going through similar situations for their inputs

16 Replies

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  • hello ive only had one failed cycle so far and that was in september im still waiting for my follow up appointment but i have a friend who is pregnant and my manager who i see 5 days a week and some days i just want to scream at her and my friend i have fallen out with through being angry at her complaining about not being sure its what she wanted. i was the wrong person for her to say that to.

    when i spoke with the counsellor she suggested using a hobby to help with trying not think about it. i also spoke with my manager at work and talked about how i am happy for her but that i didnt want to be involved in conversations about her being pregnant. she was abit funny with me at first but came back to me and said she understood. but im using my hobby of cross stitching to make her something so it shows that i do care in my own way. it might not help for everyone but so far i feel bit more in control. just got to keep going xx

  • Thx kirst12. Thx for those kind words. I do understand but it's so difficult at times to keep myself at bay. It's nice to hear people like who r so much in control with d situation. My friend here bcoz what she's gone through has been so wired all through her pregnancy. She told me not to ask her anything at all. And then she would get offended that I don't know that how along she's on her order. πŸ˜’

    I didn't know what to say to her. Just feel I lost someone I could freely talk about my thoughts.

    Now I've to hold back everything.

    This is not d person I know .

  • Hi tiger-cub, I'm not a woman but I've been through it, 10 years of it. In the end we conceived against all odds. It's tough isn't it? I now support couples on their journey and did some fertility support webinars for Fertility Network UK, you can see them on my youtube channel:

    youtube.com/thefertilemindnet

    x

  • Infertility and treatment is really tough. I know people who've been through fertility treatment and been successful but sadly for us 3 rounds of ICSI resulted in 3 BFNs and no Frosties. We used DE for round 3 and still no success. Repeated failures take their toll and for me 3 goes was enough, I couldn't face any more tests or the emotional impact of failures plus we were self funding and the wrong side of 40 so we decided to cease treatment. Only you know when you've had enough or whether you can carry on. It might be worth getting a second opinion at another clinic to review your treatment and to see if they can offer anything else that may improve your chances of getting and staying pregnant. It might also be worth considering accessing some counselling to support you having been through a lot.

  • Thanks so much for coming back to me. I've gone through Councelling too. But I really find it hard to stay and continue. And I've also self funded 3 cycles. Specially in d uk it's complete rip off. So now thinking of going abroad. One of close friends after going through 5 years and I don't know how many cycles is now pregnant and will deliver in Jan. I'm so so upset with myself. She's 42. I'm Happy for her but sad for me .

  • I certainly feel your pain after being on this journey 3 years, 3 failed cycles behind us ( 1 chemical & 2 bfn) and watching most of my friends fall pregnant and go on to have their second child. We are now moving forward using DE we are just at the matching stage but hoping to be getting going soon. I feel like a completely different person now, the only saving grace is I feel it's made us even stronger as a couple, really don't know how I would cope without the love and support of my hubby xxx

  • True I agree too that it might have made our bonding abut stronger. Did they ever tell u what was ur diagnosis for ivf. And why did they ask for de

  • I have a low amh and even though I have always got ok amount of eggs and they always fertilise I just haven't got the quality, so will probs never get there as we are self funding we have decided DE will give us our best chance xxx

  • Hey Burton my amh is not extremely low but my follicles count is not satisfactory, I guess post my ectopic my right side is not responding properly πŸ˜”

  • I can't help with personal experiences, sorry. Infertility is emotionally draining struggle. But if you are a real warrior, you will win and reach your goal. Don't give up. xx

  • Hi nick nick thx for those kind words. Yes I'm not giving up .

  • i've failed 4 cycles of ivfs and i'm so depressed and hopeless, my husband is losing faith we don't know what to do. i even registerd on this forum in order to find a help. we are looking for another clinic because previous wasn't so good for us, we wasted a lot of money and time. a friend of my mom advised us ukraine but i'm afraid of this country, btw where are you takind your treatment?

  • Hi bfrida thx for ur kind words . I was taking treatment in Uk. I'm also thinking of changing clinics. Wishing u all d luck. Sorry for d delayed reply

  • it's all ok, how are you dear?

    why it so, why do you want to change the clinic?

    hoooray, yesterday we signed the contract in ukraine, I was write about my journey in the latest post. I'm totally satisfied with the package we have choose. Hope our treatment will show good results.

  • Wow bfrida a big congratulations to u both. It's amazing. I'm so happy for u hope u get to hold ur baby soon. Xx.

    Yes d reason I want to change clinic is I can't look at all d known faces anymore . It's really hard for me .

  • understand you, what's a problem then? you know a lot about reproductive treatment, soo know about countries and clinics as well. so you are willing to choose whatever you want.

    thanks for congrats, I wish you luck with your future decision..

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