Over thinking and comparing myself to others

Three of my friends have recently announced their second pregancies there first children are all two years old and ive been trying to conceive since there first pregnancy and now I have to go through there second pregnancy and my heart is just breaking. We have now been ttc for over two years and building up hope very single month is so tiring and emotionally draining. The worse thing is I should be 7 months pregnant now it's such a nice day and i bought a couple of dresses last year for the summer and im desperatly missing being pregnant as I should be showing a lot now 😢 and life seems very unfair right now especially when one of my friends said it happened straight away again for her, i just feel so inferior as a women and so bad that I've put my bf in this position as it's all on me and my low ovarian reserve. I'm due to start my first cycle of ivf very soon but Im just terrified that they won't find good enough eggs because theres only been one in the last 24 months and that ended in mmc I just can't bear the thought of it failing 😟I don't know how I would cope i know i need to stay strong its just so dam hard xxx

[emu2016]

Your post touched so many emotional nerves of mine...like reading something I would post myself...

As a woman with low quality/quantity eggs... "i just feel so inferior as a women and so bad that I've put my bf in this position as it's all on me and my low ovarian reserve." <----- this.... 1: you are not inferior. You are about to embark on one of the bravest journies a woman can go on and you've already demonstrated that you're strong and not inferior in getting to this point. 2: I have cried about being broken and putting the lives of my husband and me on hold so many times. What would he be spending £10,000 on now if it wasn't this? A holiday? 60 new guitars? And what does he say? Nothing else. Because he wants to see me happy and he wants us to have a family. You're in this together.

Fear of failure in all this is that hardest thing. I read somewhere the other day (it may even have been here...) "expect the worst; hope for the best".

Stay in touch xx

[Daxi16 in reply to emu2016]

I understand your post totally. It doesn't seem fair to have to pay so much for something that should be free and easy for others! And on top of that their in no guarantee or crystal ball to see the outcome. We just have to put out faith in the doctors. I know a 3 people who had IVF now and they both got their babies first and second go so it will happen for us too xxx

[Hidden in reply to Daxi16]

That's good to hear and like you say we have to put our faith in the doctors and hope for the best xxx

[Hidden in reply to emu2016]

Thank you emu I think the early hours 4/5am are the worst when everything seems so bleak and the mind goes into overdrive with it all. I know I need to stay positive and focused on the next few weeks with treatment coming up xxx

[emu2016 in reply to Hidden]

If I had £1 for every time I'd woken at 4/5am and cried/overthought/googled/panicked/gone crazy - I could probably afford another 6 fresh cycles after this one. don't beat yourself up about it. I've learnt to just accept it. But I have found it incredibly helpful to by a book and write my thoughts and panics down in the middle of the night. Some of them I come here to write about after. Positive is helpful, but don't be afraid of being cautious. Treatment will be hear before you know it... get your worrying out the way now! xxx

[Daxi16]

Try to stay strong lovey I feel your pain! Similar to you both my sisters have just announced their second pregnancy in the time I've been trying for this one!

I was in a very low place yesterday but the ladies on here helped me through. It feels so cruel and unfair when you try so hard and want something so much but it comes so easy to others!

Just remember nothing worth having was every easy. I feel a lot better today than I did yesterday and you will too tomorrow. When do you start the IVF? Lots of hugs xxx

[Georgina78]

I totally understand Hun but you/we are not inferior as women, I do know how that feels though, for us the problem is also with me because I have endometriosis but if it were the other way round I would never blame my hubby because of course it wouldn't be his fault. You wouldn't blame yourself for getting any other condition so please try not to beat yourself up about infertility, it's hard enough as it is!

So sorry to hear about your mc's & what you're facing with all the announcements, it's so so hard. You have all the support from us though, big hugs xx

[Hidden in reply to Georgina78]

Thanks Georgina I know your right about not placing the blame on myself I suppose there is just so much that is out of our control which is hard sometimes. Wishing you all the best on your journey xxx

[72cloud9]

Sounds very familiar.it is is sooo hard.all we can do is keep marching on and praying that we get our happy endings to.we deserve it xxxx