Vit D

so we've both been advised to take vitamin D which I'm doing along with folic acid. Problem being other half is not. I'm doing my best to lose weight before IVF next year, eating the right things, going to gym etc (which I hate). He has to do 2 things in this process being the obvious (which let's face it, is not exactly a hardship) and take the tablets but keeps making excuses (they're too hard to swallow, I'm already taking medication etc etc). It's getting to the point I'm resenting him and questioning whether I'm doing the right thing. He's made no lifestyle changes whatsoever - still has a few cans on a weekend, eats same as always, won't come to gym with me as says he hates it (so do I). Just wondered if anyone else has experienced this level of selfishness. Just don't feel supported 😞

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  • Oh dear it's so frustrating when you are trying your very best and your partner isn't. Even a lil support to refrain from drinking while you are on this journey would be nice .I too felt the same when I was getting the injections but DH would have a few drinks whenever he felt like it.i would get upset about it but I reminded myself that I had to be strong and not get stressed out about it.in our case he wasn't supposed to take any medication so I guess that made it ok for him to do as he pleased .it was really annoying. Try to tell him how you feel and how much you need for him to be supportive. And for you guys to be in this together. He's probably as worried but just doesn't know how to deal with it.all the best .

  • thanks lawmom. Men are insensitive creatures sometimes aren't they?! I know ultimately its 99% on our shoulders which is just the way it is. But some support is nice. He says the right things - you're doing really well on your weight loss, well done at gym etc but talk is cheap and I've told him so. I do get stressed too easily! Best wishes to you and hope everything works out 😊

  • Oh yes .but I think it's because they easily get stressed out and can't handle the emotional change that comes with this journey .stay strong and cheerful for the both of you . hopefully your DH will soon get in the mood of things and be supportive .😊

  • I totally sympathise with you and have found myself getting stressed and frustrated with my DH along the way too. It's not an easy situation and I have had to step back a few times and try to put myself in his shoes. This journey is a long one and is physically and emotionally demanding on both parties. As it's our body that is getting messed with and changed I think we feel things so much more than the men do. I know my hubby was supportive in the fact he was always there for me, and would do something if I specifically asked, however he was a nightmare at taking his vitamins regularly and didn't seem to think twice before pouring a glass of wine on an evening. Us ladies have a way of supporting each other (in numerous ways-on here, chatting to friends etc) but I do think men feel very lost and alone with all of this.

    Maybe try to pick one battle at a time. If the most important thing at the moment is the vitamin D make sure he knows how much it means to you and spell it out-it's not a big thing to ask! I do totally understand where you are coming from but I think I have learnt along the way that men really don't cope well with all this and I have (just about) found a way to lower my expectations enough so I don't feel angry or upset with him all the time!

    I'm sorry if this is a load of waffle but please know you are not alone in feeling like this and please feel free to vent to us anytime! Xxx

  • Ohh dear you poor soul. Hey just wanted to let u know that we he doesnt wantbto take the tablets u can get a vitmin d spary that u just have to spray under the tongue n thats it. I hope it works out for u. Dont give up my lovely. Xxx

  • thank you so much. I will suggest it! Where there's a will there's a way!xx

  • I'm afraid I don't have much advice sorry but I can totally empathise with you as I'm having the same challenges with my OH. We did our 1st round of ivf in the summer and he seemed to increase his drinking rather than decrease it. After my ET he'd got a pre-arranged boy's day at the races but instead of coming home afterwards he carried on drinking and didn't get in until the early hours. I was fuming! No matter what I say it doesn't seem to get through and I'm coming to the conclusion that me getting stressed and upset is harmful for me so I'm trying not to let it affect me. I think this is how he deals with the ivf and is probably daunted at the prospect of the lifestyle change that's to come if it works. You could try explaining how you feel but if that doesn't work try not to get stressed about it and know that you're absolutely not alone, there are lots of us here for you to talk to Good luck xx

  • sorry to hear that CheshireKit. I guess maybe it is just their way of dealing with things with no thought as to how it winds us up and makes us feel. My OH will have 3-4 cans of beer Fri and Sat night which I know is not a huge amount but I don't sit there having several glasses of wine. I think you've taken the right approach with your coping strategy and we can't let ourselves get stressed. Good luck with everything xx

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