The ivf journey never stops. 😓 On going hurdles

[Faith103]

Hi all,

Hope everyone is doing well and keeping on the positive side.

Just wanted some advice really. I know some people on this group are still struggling and I hope this doesn’t offend you but I love the support from this group.

So long story short my issue is mother in law 😔 I am currently 17 weeks pregnant me and my partner worked so hard so many ups and downs to get to this point but since the 12 week mark when his mother found out I feel rubbish. Shes trying to take over. Before I was pregnant she never took any internet in me or my partner really and never approved of me being with her son and said I was not good enough and as soon as she’s found out I’m pregnant she is so full on messaging me all the time etc.

At first she wanted to buy her own pram which I thought was dam right rude as I already have my own pram. I feel like I am being used to get to my son. I know she’s not interested in me just wants to get to my son.

As you can imagine this has caused friction between me and my partner as he’s in the middle. I feel as my partner tho he should accept my feelings and understand it’s our baby and our life. I feel she is going to want to take my son out on her own and have him over night etc and I don’t want my baby taken away from his mummy and daddy. My partner is trying to keep us both happy but I feel she is ruining our family and our relationship. Me and my partner have booked to see a relationship advisor on Friday as we have done nothing but argue about his mum since she found out.

She never helped with the ivf side. The finance was all my parents. As a mother of 4 herself she doesn’t understand my journey and how long I’ve waited to be a mum. 10 years I have waited. She just had her children when she wanted them!

I do not want to be a single mum and lose my partner who I love dearly but I have to do what’s best for my mental health and my son. I want us to work but I feel if his mum does not back off and my partner can’t prove he puts us first I feel I going to need to walk.

I feel my anxiety is not good and I have my little baby growing it makes me upset.

Am I being harsh? Any advice for help? I feel so deflated with it. I just want my baby with his mummy and daddy! 😔

Sorry to be so negative.

❤️❤️❤️ xxxx

[Jad537]

Sounds like hormones are taking over. Just try take a step back. Work on yourself and your realitionship. Forget about the Mother in Law for now. If she wants to buy her own pram then that's her choice but you don't need to leave the baby with her at all. And if she asks why just say I don't leave him with anyone yet, when he is older I will. Has nothing to do with what she wants especially if there already isn't a relationship between the two of you.

Just concentrate on your little bubble and don't let anyone get in the way x

[Faith103 in reply to Jad537]

Thank you for your kind words. Me and my partner are going to work together and try and fix the issue. Your right it’s our baby xxxx ❤️❤️❤️

[Jad537 in reply to Faith103]

Loads of people have nightmare mother in laws and it is hard for the hubbies because they are stuck in the middle but it's your baby and your terms. Just keep your bubble close and the rest will fall into place 🥰 xx

[RhinoCat]

I have a difficult mother in law too. I was with my husband when we told her I was pregnant and she couldn’t even look at me. Then when we lost it she went silent with me and messaged the day before the surgery to wish me well.

I try not to get annoyed at her and finally my husband gets that she doesn’t need to know our business because she’s not married to us.

It was a long road to get to this. I think lots of people have difficulties like this. You and your husband just need to find a way that she’s not involved or interfering with your home .

As my mum advised. Keep her at arms length and be in charge of visits etc . Don’t let her control . You are in charge and she better just get used to it or she won’t see the grand child.

Your husband will never side with you over his mum if he’s like mine.

But it is possible to find a better way. My husband understands that his mum is too much at times and asks questions my own mum would never ask. She has no right to know. As

My husband has accepted this. Things have got a bit easier.

She can’t have it her way. It’s not her life and she will have to accept it even if it’s hard but it’s up to your husband to put her right.

Mine wanted a key for our house because she felt she owned it and wanted to sleep over ( she lives 20 minutes away?!?! I said no! Then my parents were staying .... soon sorted thT one!)etc .

I put my foot down and said then we will give back our wedding money as I couldn’t live like that. My husband soon shut up . I could tell you a hundred stories like it!

Just stay strong and breathe. Hopefully your counsellor will be able to help you both navigate this difficult time.

Hormones are real . Keep it real.

Go busy your brain doing something you want to do.

It’ll work out eventually .

Love and hugs of complete understanding 😘💐

[Faith103 in reply to RhinoCat]

Awwwww massive thanks for your kind words. It’s nice to know it isn’t just me as it can become so difficult at times.

She sounds very similar to my mother in law. My partner has admitted she has always wanted to be in control but I explained this is not her life to control anymore it’s ours.

My partner says he will always side me but I feel sometimes because she sulks she makes him feel bad. Keep her at arms length is exactly what my mum said to to. My mum knows her place and she will only be involved as much as me and my partner want her to be.

She wants to buy us a car to help with the baby but I’m not sure as I feel it will be used as a weapon to get her own way. She is buying things for her house which I don’t mind but until me and my partner feel comfortable with it he’s not staying with anyone.

I have just started uni so I am trying to keep busy with that. 😃

I hope you are feeling okay given the circumstances! I was you last year we lost our little miracle to ectopic and now we are blessed with our rainbow baby. Obviously we have other obstacles to face but it’s that thing called life. Keep pushing you will get there you sound like a lovely person and you are always so positive which is always a good way to heal for the next part of your journey. You and Cinderella really stand out to me on this forum. I wish your both all the happiness you deserve. Rest up xxxx ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[RhinoCat in reply to Faith103]

Awh bless your golden heart.

Here if you need to vent! I get it 😘💐

Super news about uni. Get stuck into that and free your brain of the drain of everything else.

Put yourself first and don’t feel bad about it 😘💐💐💐💐💝

[Cinderella5 in reply to Faith103]

Awwww I just read your reply, you're so kind....I was going to reply further down but more appropriate here now. Im glad that you are trying to work together to sort out your MIL, a united front always helps but don't be frightened to say no to her either. My MIL is a bit controlling in a way...….far too opinionated and expects us to do as she says so maybe more bossy, only does this to my hubby and I know he feels it difficult to speak back to her. She isn't particularly interested in us doing treatment and openly thinks we are silly continuing.....Ive had to bite my tongue a few times but I will say something if I need to. The only other thing from your reply is don't let her buy you the car....she will use that as a bargaining tool for sure. As your mum has said "arms length" is the way forward. Hang on in there hun, this is your much awaited miracle and don't let your MIL ruin it for you or put pressure on your relationship, your baby so your terms!!!xxx

[RhinoCat in reply to Cinderella5]

I agree about the car! Use a taxi if you must! Don’t put yourself under her control! She will make you feel YOU OWE HER! Run away from this idea! Save up and buy a cheap thing If you must or see about finance for a second hand car. You’ll find a way. You can manage on buses etc maybe and see about a car after the baby etc

[Faith103 in reply to RhinoCat]

This is exactly what I have said to my partner! We already both have a car but we only have a 3 door so we are thinking of just getting rid of one of our cars and buying a second hand 5 door that’s ideal for prams etc. I think I need to follow my gut on this one and try and not have any ties. This is the reason I got help from my parents for the ivf as I knew they wouldn’t hold it against me and my partner xxxx

[Faith103 in reply to Cinderella5]

It’s awful how people do not have support for you given what we have been through. She knows I have stage 4 endo and I struggle bad. I also have to have a lot of check ups on my cervix whilst pregnant as I have had abnormal cells in the past and they have to make sure the neck of my womb stays closed. She is not interested in my health she has never been bothered she just wants to baby. I will not be used to get to the baby. I thought it was just me in this situation. I feel so harsh sometimes when I talk to my partner but he finally understands and we are going to go to therapy. It’s a shame his mum is making us pay money out for therapy for arguments she has caused. Never an easy journey. I hope you are well and hopefully not long until you show your little bean on the forum xxxx 🥰❤️💗

[Anipea]

My daughter is 2 and she has never stayed over at anyone's house. It's my decision if I decide to let her. When your baby is born your partner will be very protective of your baby and I promise he won't want your child to stay over. My husband is very protective of our child. We miss her even if we go out for dinner together without her.

As for mother in law's, unfortunately they all tend to get excited and have their own ideas of looking after your child. I promise when your baby is crying in the evening due to wanting a breastfeed or cuddles off mummy she will soon come to realise that she won't want the baby overnight. When the baby is born there will be a lot of excitement from her but the novelty will soon wear away when your baby has done a poo in the nappy, crys from wind or throws up its milk feed.

Focus on enjoying your pregnancy with your partner. You both waited 10 years for it. Don't let anything else stop this from happening. Go shopping together for the baby. Enjoy while it's still you two. Because as soon as the baby is here you will both get tired and will won't have much time for each other xx

[Faith103]

Thank you so much for your lovely advice. My partner read your reply and he said you are definitely right with how protective he will be once baby is here.

I feel so much better hearing from people who have always experienced what my issues are. I am so grateful.

I think like you I will also miss my child. When you have waited so long you need to make the most of the best you can. ❤️❤️❤️💗💗💗