I think I've hit rock bottom. I just don't know what to do any more. Failed my 4th ivf 4 weeks ago and I still am in the depth of despair stage. When it first happened, I was obviously gutted but didn't really react. I took a week off work to recover and shed a few tears in that time.
Since being at work, its all gone down hill.I work in customer service and its all very much "theatre, the show must go on" type of thing. I've had some horrible customers who shouted at me and tbh I've struggled. Me and my manager agreed if i need to I'd walk away for 5 mins to give me a chance to get myself together. So i followed this and I'm now being sent for disciplinary!! My assistant manager is rubbish at her job and told me all about her abortion too! Plus said stuff like " oh bless that woman she's overdue on her pregnancy theres nothing worse". I saw red and shouted at her, then I'm sent to disciplinary!!
I went to the doctor as i feel my grief is comig out at work and my gp signed me off for 3 weeks, which i thought was a long while. I've booked a counciling appointment but its not until 8th nov!!! Now I'm uncertain if its my grieving or the way I've been treated at work as to why I'm so distraught.
I started to do things yesterday which sounds silly. I set myself a list if things to do to tidy the garden, so i achieved something. My hubby came home and i was annoyed he hadn't even noticed the difference in the garden. Sounds pathetic but today i just have zero motivation to do anything. I'm normallly constantly doing housework etc when not at work and now its a struggle to get dressed.
I've had more tears today and not sure if it's cos af will be due soon so maybe it seems worse. I just don't know! I just don't know what I'm meant to do to get better or how i know I'll be in a better place to be at work etc..