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Fertility Network UK
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New here, hi everyone!

Hi there. Thought I'd sign up to this to get some support and advice from others in the same boat and also share our experiences. I don't really know what I'm doing on here yet so please bear with me! We have had one failed cycle of Ivf in early June and in the next couple of months will be doing a frozen embryo transfer with our only remaining frozen blastocyst.

I'm 34 and husband 35. Our issue is male factor. My husband has azoospermia due to a missing vas deferens . He had a TESE to retrieve sperm earlier this year. We then had to wait several months before I could start on the meds. Our first cycle went really well and I responded well to the drugs and got 10 mature eggs. We ended up with two excellent 5 day blastocysts and were really positive. Unfortunately on test day we got a BFN and my period started a few days later. We were devastated and I kept thinking what did I do wrong. My husband is also really struggling as he thinks he is a failure and hates the fact he is putting me through all this. I am doing my best to tell him it's not his fault etc and we just have to do things the hard way etc but it's been very hard. We have been offered 5 sessions of counselling through our clinic but he wants to wait to see what happens with the FET cycle.

We have our nurse planning appt for the FET on 23 August so will find out then when it'll all start again. Just really praying it works as it's our last shot on the NHS and not sure how long it would take to save up for another full cycle. So frustrated with how long it all takes on the NHS its taken nearly 3 years to get here. I'm trying to eat healthily and have started doing more exercise recently which I've found has helped de stress me a bit!

Looking forward to reading the posts here 😊

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Hey there, I would say hands down you've done the best thing by getting on this forum. Has been the best thing I've done since starting this journey. I think if you've been offered counselling no harm in having space to clear your thoughts and feelings. Would husband go separately so can let it out? I think there's a theme of men trying to be strong to protect us which can leave us thinking they're not as bothered.

In terms of the lack of success you've done absolutely nothing wrong at all, no way. It just seems that sometimes it doesn't work even with a great embryo. I think you should be proud of yourself for doing it and getting to the end. Hard I know when you get so close and go through all those stages to get no further forward. I've only done one round (unsuccessful) but I think from what I'm seeing on here there's not many ladies get through first go. It seems like a numbers game. The more lottery tickets = bigger chance. Wishing you lots and lots of good wishes xxx

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Hi Bibble, thanks for your reply. Yes have been on few other forums lurking but thought I'd actually sign up. I think he would go on his own yes. I think though as so few sessions we are allowed he wants to see how this next try goes as if this one doesn't work well be even more crushed and huge decisions needed I.e whether to save up and self fund or whether to look at adoption etc. We've booked a week away soon and really looking forward to the break before we go through it all again. Yes reading through posts and other things online see it often doesn't work first time. It's just so hard not knowing why it doesn't work isn't it? I'm sorry to hear about your unsuccessful cycle. Are you planning on giving it another go? Thanks and lots of good wishes to you too xx

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Yes I think we'll try again but like you we're in an NHS clinic (but self funded) and the waiting times are huge for follow up and then starting another cycle so we might go to a private clinic instead now because I think I might have egg quality issues and maybe time is of the essence.

It is really hard not having an explanation of why it doesn't work. You're doing the very best thing though. There's up and downs and your thoughts and feelings will evolve and change.

In terms of the counselling you can probably also access support via local mental health service often by self referral, if not via GP. It won't be specialist fertility counselling but they will still be an outside perspective and a chance to air things with ideas on how to cope. Just another option xx

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Yes the waiting between appointments is a nightmare especially when time isn't on our side! Good luck for your next try and finding another clinic. Thanks for your words has made me feel better. Thanks for the tip re counselling will look into that. Just a case if waiting few more weeks for our appt now find out when we can get going again! Xx

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Keep talking on here too. It's helped me so so much xxx

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Hi Lise, I'm newbie too!

So sorry to hear about your BFN on your first cycle. Especially as you've already been on a long road to get where you are. You absolutely did nothing wrong, it really is out of your hands once you've had your ET.

My husband has azoospermia due to absent vas deferens too. Because he has Cystic Fibrosis it took our clinic nearly 2 years to come to a decision about which hospital the TESE would be done at, so I get your frustration completely. The waiting really is hard. He also really struggled with blaming himself.

We are so blessed to have our little (nearly) 3 year boy from our first fresh ICSI cycle and had 5 embryos in storage. In the past year we've used 3 of those and had 2 early miscarriages and 1 BFN. We're planning to try another natural FET next month.

Wishing you lots of luck and positive thoughts for your FET xxx

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Hi bumblebee and thanks for your message. Your situation sounds very similar. My husband is a CF carrier which is the cause of his issue luckily I am not a carrier. Your story has given me hope in that it can have a successful outcome and so pleased that you have a little boy. It must be so hard for them and I keep reminding him it's not his fault but it's not helping. Did you husband try counselling at all? I'm sorry to hear about your three FETs but good luck for the next one and sending positive vibes your way. Thank you xx

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Our situations do sound really similar. I didn't realise male CF carriers could have fertility problems too. My husband was told at a young age by doctors that he would never have children so he didn't think it would ever happen for him. He's had a double lung transplant so no one wanted to carry out the TESE which is why it took so long at the beginning. He said counselling wasn't for him so didn't try that but I think he would have if our first cycle had failed. It really can help some people talking through it though. It can definitely prepare you mentally for the next step in your treatment too. Thank you for your good luck wishes. I'm trying to stay positive, listening to relaxation CD's and trying reflexology this time. Will you be having a natural or stimulated FET? Xx

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Yes very similar although with him he had no idea he was a carrier. No history as far as we are aware of CF in family and he has never had any health issues. Thanks for advice, double checked and we only get two sessions with clinic then have to pay. He does get 6 sessions through work so is looking into that. Hmm may have to try the relaxation music and reflexology. Have tried yoga a couple of times recently which helped. Im not sure about the FET we have a nurse appointment later this month. I did ask for a time line as had no idea of process and trying to work out possible time off work and it said I start on first day of period when have a scan. Not sure if it'll be September or October cycle I'll start. Just want to know so we can plan! Take care xx

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Hi Lise, so sorry to hear about your BFN. I had mine too (first cycle) on 21st July and are waiting for our FET in 3 months. It's just been a horrible time and I've been up and down. Just booked our follow up appointment today which is at the end of the month, so hopefully I can find out more about FET and the way forward.

Sounds like you've been through a lot. Look after yourself and your husband during this time. Wishing you lots of luck for your FET and know that the lovely ladies of this life saving forum are always here! Take care xxx

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Hi, thanks for your reply and sorry to hear of your similar situation. It does help a bit knowing there are others in same boat as us. I hope your follow up appointment goes well and all the best for your FET. Take care and thanks for the support xx

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Welcome Lise.... wishing you all the very best, it's a long road ahead but take heart in knowing we'll be here to support you as much as we can, this group is nothing short of a beautiful one.

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Thank you x

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Dear Lise,

My partner and I are just about to start the injections on our first round, we are the same ages as you and your partner and remarkably also have the same problem. Male sided and with no vas. We also discovered through doing ivf that he only has one kidney!! That was a surprise. To be honest, I'm terrified of the injections, I'm scared about how I will react and also of the chance that it will be unsuccessful, as I seem to be hearing more and more of for first time ivf cycles.

My partner has also expressed his sadness at not being able to get me pregnant, we spoke about it together, you have to keep reassuring him that you love him and make sure that you support each other, which I'm sure you do already. It's the hardest thing you will ever do together but I'm sure it's something you can get through together. Talking and being open and supportive is key. Having a good friend whom you or he can speak to isn't a bad thing either.

I'm so sorry about your first round. I'm wishing you every success in your next steps. It's very difficult but we are strong creatures.

Take each day as it comes

Best of wishes

Michelle

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