obesity, pcos, want to have a baby

Hello all! My name is Milana and I’m in despair. I’m 38 and I have PCOS. I also have 2 beautiful children Mary (5) and Jacob (11) delivered without significant complications. After I delivered Mary I got problems with my weight, heavy problems. Being 5’4” my weight is around 240 lbs. I think I tried everything but nothing has changed, as the reason for this are hormones. I wasn’t skinny before but 160lbs was my max. Now I’m depressed, I’m fat and I can’t take it. My husband tries to support me but I see how looks at me. I could say that my appearance is the only thing that changed, and I’m still Sarah he married to but it’s not true. I can blame hormones of course, but not sure it’s not just my real ‘face’….i’m depressed, I feel constant anger and I feel exhausted. And my problem is that I want to have the 3d baby. My dh and I decided to have 3 kids when we became parents of Jacob so I hope it may influence positively on our relationships. I can’t carry a baby being so heavy and I can’t lose weight and as I was told I should look for surrogacy if I want to have a kid but I also need to find egg donor, it’s the most sad, I wanted to have a baby 100% of my own …uurrgh. I need your support to cope with it. And it would be nice if you tell me how to start surrogacy, I know nothing about the things like this. What to do first?

15 Replies

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  • hi, i want to say sorry, don't give up. you have 2 kids and you should be happy for them, they need your support right now. I aslo were looking for a surrogacy and found my happiness in europe. but we took my eggs and husband's sperm that's not the same that you want but maybe there is a little chance of having your baby. you should define whether you have any goood oocytes//

  • Hi! Thank you, bfrida. Of course I'm happy I have 2 kids, but I need more, I want more however this fact doesn't make me love them less. it's funny but they understand me and sort of support me, like 'mommy, we want to have sis or bro' and it means they believe in me. i can't give up just like that.

    I live in Serbia so europe is the only option for me, we cannot afford expensive trips. even if i have one good egg it's too few and i cant be stimulated to have more, so donor is a must

  • god, that difficult situation, i thought you still have a lil chance to have your baby but it's not the end of word.

    if so, you should take to considreration the fact your baby will bear another women

    it's crasy I know, i've experienced the same but we are strong and cope with everything, besides you have people who are ready to support all the time. you should be proud of it.

    as to clinic, my was in Ukraine, kiev and there reaaally cheap in contrast to other countires where allowed surro. if you have more question I'm open to any of them

  • you bet! i know it's not the end of life, of course, but i' trying to find ways to make our dream come true. and i'm not scared of surrogate mother being the one who will deliver my baby. you know i 'enjoed' the process before and don't mind if someone else will be in my shoes. so it's not a problem the only thing i don't like is that we need to use have donor, but it's impossible to avoid this fact and it's frustrating...

    yes, tell me about your impressions of that clinic. are you satisfied with your tx? what about prices for surrogacy itself, for staying there, meds, legal part of the process?

  • hmm, what to start with. Ok legislation, the surro mom doesn't have rights for a baby that's mean she can't take the baby from you. then prices, you kow they are really cheap, if im not mistakes they have three packages of service includinf transportation from airport to clinic and vice versa also apartment and meals except your flight tickets. They will give you all needed meds and i was really surprised with it because i thought i would buy all this. then my first impression was dubious because I saw tiny clinic in rush inside, as to doctors they were nuce and my manager always support and answer any stupid question.

  • of course she has no rights to take a baby, she''s not a genetic mother everybody understands this and it's so everywhere. that's awesome that so many things are included, it reminds me of a trip to any all-inclusive resort. may i have cocktails there anyway? haha

    so, u say it's cheap, could you give me exact prices? and how did you communicate with people there, do you know ukrainian? i don't know this language, what should i do?

  • yeah, of course you may haha.

    let's see, economy package costs 29.900

    standard 39.900 and vip 49.900 euros. You will provide with interpreter so no matter know you language or not they will help you anyway

    If you have more question I'm open to them

  • Thank you! What is the difference between them? you won't be met and provided with a room and other things if you choose economy? which package did you choose?

  • They are almost the same just a few difference. In all packages are included transportation, room meal and so on. But in vip the area of the room is bigger and you'll have an opportunity to choose the gender of a baby, your baby sitter will be with you from 9 am to 6pm , in standard only 4 hours, also in vip you'll have pgd service to detect the possible genetic abnormalities. in economy you should pay an extra 6 000 euros in case something will happen with the pregnancy after 12 weeks. plus you should pay +3 000 euros for twins in economy and standard.

    yeah, of course if you have premature birth all expences only pay you. probably that's all, if i'm not mistaken./

    and we chose the standard

  • oh that's nice, and seems to me it's cheap offer. i think would be good for me but i'd like to have pgd, there is a risk of abnormalities in our family, so i need to be sure. its' a pity we need to think about the most expensive package. you've told about premature birth and does it mean that even if you signed a vip contract, the clinic doesn't cover tthe expenses?

  • No, in standard you also has this option but without choosing the gender of a baby. You can pay an extra money for doing pgd in economy. but i don't remember the price, sorry.

    clinic cover all expenses in vip till the time when you'll get all documents and come home.

    don't worry about that

    if you are interested in this clinic you can look at their website, biotexcom - the name of it

  • so, there is pgd in stan.. cool.but what if i need to know baby's sex, is it possible, do u know?

    thank you. do they have much information about their procedures?

  • I think they have, truly to say I don't remember all the options there. sure they have all it on the website. you are welcome

  • Hello Milana. Sorry you have such problems...I also have pcos but fortunately it didn't stand on my way to have a kid and I was allowed to be stimulated. It's very frustrating not to have a chance to lose weight, i know it's hard to live with it, tough to accept it.

    If I'm not mistaken it's a risk to be stimulated, so surrogacy only with DE but then your baby won't be 100% yours genetically, are you ready to accept this fact? you may bring this child up like your own or feel he or she is a stranger. it's only up to you, the matter is in your attitude. Are you ready to be a mother once again? or you just want this baby to improve yur relationships and to mark this as 'done' in your 'to do' list?

  • hi, thank you. that's wonderful you did it...i wish i was as lucky as you. I can't to be stimulated but I'm ready to use donor eggs, I accept this. i can't even imagine how it's possible to treat a baby like a stranger, why so? Of course I want to have a baby and not to improve relationship but to make my family happier!

    you was stimulated, so its surrigacy on OE?

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