Do I want another baby?

[My_Miracle_Is_Here]

I’m 38 and feel so much pressure to make a decision on whether to try for another baby because of my age.

I have the most amazing 2 year old daughter. She is everything that I imagined my daughter to be. We had an emotional journey, with 3 rounds of IVF. I’m thinking of the financial impact of paying for more IVF (previously we spent £15k), and conceiving naturally is not an option. I don’t want to struggle with money and want to give my daughter everything, nice things, good food, amazing experiences. I want to travel and show her the world (Caribbean, Canada, Australia, Thailand, Disney World, Lapland, ski trips and more!) which I know I couldn’t do in the same way if she had a sibling. But would she benefit more from having a sibling?

I’m also scared of the health risks of having a baby as an older women and the potential problems for the child. I’m scared of ruining my perfect little family. I’m scared of miscarriage. I’m scared of not being able to give my daughter all of my attention.

Ultimately I’m scared of making the wrong decision either way and I know that I have to make a final decision now because of my fertility age. Not that it’s even a guarantee that embarking on the journey again would result in a baby.

How do you know if you want to have another baby and give your child a sibling?

[Hidden]

Its sounds like you have your answer already, my kids wish they were an only child lol now I'm adding another which they're actually happy with because its a boy and a baby, mine are girls 2 years apart and just felt right at the time luckily we didnt have any fertility issues and were in our 20's. This baby has an age gap of 15 & 13 yrs and will feel like an only child I have no problems with that I'm 40 and its took us 3 years and plenty of heartache with 3 mc's this will be my partners only child he has said he wouldnt be against another but its a no from me.

[Anya80]

I always wanted two babies so the decision was there for me but when we tried for second our life was turned upside down and I had other quite a serious aspects to consider while deciding on second baby-serious health condition of my husband as he might not be there for us to raise our kids...

I decided to have my second child! Now being mum of two I don’t regret it, it best thing which happened to all of us, my first baby is delighted to have sibling. In fact his little brother appeared on right time before my older started to question (there were questions) if he ever will have other sibling .

It’s hard expensive and responsible job to be parent with two even harder o can see but I don’t regret it, when I see my older and his relation with him I know I’ve done good thing.

This is very personal decision. I feel you already know what to do and you should not getting another baby if you not ready for it☺️that is my opinion.

[Lovemylion]

Hi there

Wonderful news you have a daughter from IVF. I can understand your dilemma....however as you well know unfortunately noone can reassure you about this next journey if you decide to embark on it. Perhaps a good start would be to have you had your partner's hormones retested to perhaps give you an indication of your fertility. Me and my partner did this recently on the quest for a sibling and my amh has dropped so that has prepared me emotionally a little that I might not be getting anywhere near as many eggs as a few years ago. But that's ok too as plenty of people with low amh also get pregnant.

I guess it depends if you'll be wondering what if? If you don't try? Maybe you won't have as much money if you are lucky enough to have a sibling but as long as you can provide a loving, stable home (which no doubt you do) I don't think they need expensive trips. Don't get me wrong it'd be lovely but it's not the be all or end all.

Yes it is scary but it's also a bit exciting...thing is IVF is a roulette and so is pregnancy, as you well know and even people who conceive normally there's no guarantees of a smooth pregnancy without complications. I don't personally think you are too old to be trying for a second. Plenty of people on here are that age and trying for their first and been successful.

However if you are completely content as the three of you then you could argue why put yourself through potential heartache? At this moment I'm willing to take that risk.

What does your heart say? I think deep down you will probably know the answer.

Wishing u so much luck 🤞

Xxx

[JenRoy]

I have a daughter who is 2. She was conceived via IVF.

We desperately want a 2nd. And started to try when she was 12 months old. 13 months later and 2 failed IVF we are no further along. Our next cycle is due to start imminently although there’s a chance it may be cancelled at the first hurdle.

Personally, if you are even contemplating a 2nd child then I’d start ASAP. Time is so critical in IVF.

My AMH plummeted within 18 months and now it looks like we won’t be able to have a 2nd even via IVF 😢.

I don’t believe you’d regret having a 2nd xx

Ps I’m 42 years old. I was 39 when pregnant with my daughter who was born 3 days after my 40th. I breezed through pregnancy and birth. No issues.

[Babytocome]

Hi,

I am just thinking about myself, I have a sibling and life would have been incomplete without my brother. It has been the best gift my parents could ever gave me, as I am older than him.

I do understand your dilemma, especially in the financial department. But have a look at natural IVF is cheaper, and it focus more on the quality of the eggs than quantity.

My friend went through this route with positive results. it supposed to help women with low ovary reserve or over 40 years

I am at the beginning of my journey.. still long to go.

Good luck with your decision!

[Zebedee1971]

I'm 39 and it's taken me 3 years to get pregnant with my first. We're going to start trying for a second 6-9 months after it's born... The reason being that you never know what's going to happen further down the line...

When my partner and I talked about only having one, I suddenly realised...

My mum has 2. My sister is the eldest. She has aspergers and moved abroad about 10 years ago. She is selfish and doesn't have the same relationship with my mum as I do. In comparison, i speak to her every day and am currently helping her move 2 streets away! This will be her first grandchild as my sister is single...

My partner is also one of 2. His sister (also older) died of bowel cancer last year at 39. Again, she was unmarried, no kids...

My uncle is also really close to his daughter... But not so much his son, also a firstborn. He barely sees his son or his grandkids on that side, but he sees his daughter's family all the time.

This isn't meant to be all doom and gloom! Just to widen the perspective... You don't know what kind of adult your little girl will become or what decisions she'll make further down the line. I know its depressing to think about but I know my mum is so grateful for having me, as is my mother in law for having her second born.

Sorry for the misery, but it's worth giving some thought to x

[Babytocome in reply to Zebedee1971]

Thank you so much for sharing it! All the best on your second baby!