Scan - not great news: Update: Thank... - Fertility Network UK

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Scan - not great news

Mrs_MT
Mrs_MT

Update:

Thank you all for your support and love. I just had to take myself a way a bit. I’m not great, but I think it will just take time. It’s like a blanket of sadness wrapped around my shoulders that I can’t seem to shake. It’s the last thing thing on my mind before I go to bed and the first thing I think of when I wake. Sleep is such a relief.

Grief in miscarriage is so strange. You’re not grieving over a person that you knew, but rather grieving over a future that is taken from you. There are mixed feelings of failure, of how I wish I could have protected my baby but at the same time, knowing that there is nothing I could have done. Then there is the anger at how this is all so unfair. I am all over the place.

I have detached myself from baby 1 because I’m scared more bad news will come. It’s not right and it is not fair to baby 1, but I am only human. I just need time to figure out how I can grieve while trying to be there emotionally for baby 1. For now, we are booking reassurance scans before the 12 weeks. Maybe it’ll be weekly or fortnightly, I haven’t decided yet. I just can’t wait until 12 wks to know if something is wrong.

***********************************************

It is with a heavy heart that I share this news. Baby 2 did not make it.

Baby 1 is still on track at 8 weeks and 1 day. I can’t stop crying. How do you process something like this?

42 Replies
oldestnewest

I am so sorry to read this Mrs MT.

It just takes time. Its the most difficult thing to process, for now I think you need to cry as much as you want. Sending you the hugest of hugs and just look after yourself. It gets easier each day I promise. Over time I am sure you will be able to focus on Baby 1 and they joy they will bring you xx

Mrs_MT
Mrs_MT in reply to Daisy1245

Thank you x

Im so sorry to hear that baby 2 didn't make it! I guess it just takes time, any loss is so difficult and no words can make it better honey. Just get it all out and grieve for your little baby that you've lost. I am glad to hear that you have one going strong. Sending you lots of hugs meantime.xxx

Mrs_MT
Mrs_MT in reply to Cinderella5

Thank youx

Oh God I’m so so sorry hun. We found out last week that our Baby 2 didn’t make it too. I’ve been on the floor ever since. There’s nothing anyone can say or do. If you need to close off the world like I did do, if you need to scream & shout too. This is a cruel, cruel journey. People tell me this can happen & you can go on to have a healthy baby but that’s so hard to believe from where we’re at at the moment ❤️❤️

Daisy1245
Daisy1245 in reply to lizzybee81

So sorry you are going through this too. It really can happen that all is fine, my nephew is proof of that, my sister lost baby 2 at 10 weeks and my nephew is now 2 and a bundle of joy. Honestly it really can be ok. Wishing you heaps of luck xx

Mrs_MT
Mrs_MT in reply to lizzybee81

Thank you for reaching out. How are you doing? X

lizzybee81
lizzybee81 in reply to Mrs_MT

Your update resonated so much with me, I’m the same, completely detached too, half resigned that this pregnancy just isn’t meant to me. But I decided not to have any more scans, I just couldn’t face it. We have our NHS 12 week scan on Wednesday & as awful as it sounds I’m going in to it thinking it’ll be bad news. I thought I’d be able to breathe after the 12 week scan but even in general news with hearing people having losses at 20 & even 24 weeks I just don’t understand how there’s 7 billion people on this planet, it just all seems so hard and so far away. Sorry, I’m probably not the best person to help as you can clearly read I’m still not doing well xxx

Mrs_MT
Mrs_MT in reply to lizzybee81

You’re not alone in your feelings. I’ll be thinking of you on your 12 week scan and hoping for the best. Because that’s all we can do. Hope for the best.

The future is scary and it is unknown. So just focus on today because for today we know that we still have a baby that has overcome so many odds to be here xxx

I know it's heartbreaking, keeping fighting for your other blessing. He or she needs your strength. You are still in the game

Mrs_MT
Mrs_MT in reply to TexasRose210

Thank you x

Oh Mrs MT I’m so sorry to hear this 🥺 Take your time and grieve also remember the little one in there is needing your love now more than ever, your reassurance to Baby 1 will help you remain strong 💪🏻,,,,, much love 💓 Xx

Mrs_MT
Mrs_MT in reply to Blue1978

Thank you x

Oh I’m so sorry, our baby 2 didn’t make it either, it was there at 6 weeks but disappeared at 9 weeks. It’s sac was still clearly visible at 12 week scan. Really sad. So I understand how you feel. Take the time you need. I’ve been thinking of how to remember our lost baby. I came across an artist (Embaby art) who does really nice drawings of embryos. I thought maybe I’d dig out the photos of the embryos & attempt to make a nice drawing myself, nice & colourful that I could frame. Though I’m not sure, still processing the idea. Be kind to yourself, cry all you need. Big hugs to you lovely Xx

Mrs_MT
Mrs_MT in reply to jengi

Thank you x it’s awful isn’t it? How are you doing? X

jengi
jengi in reply to Mrs_MT

I’m glad to read you have a scan booked in. I had 3 scans before I got to 12 weeks, I was an anxious mess. Hopefully the scan will reassure you. Big hugs Xx

So sorry to read this. There’s nothing to say that can make it better, it’s really cruel that it happened. Take your time to grieve and try and focus on the fact that you have one healthy baby in there and remain strong. Sending you lots of love 💕 xxx

Mrs_MT
Mrs_MT in reply to Lisichka

Thank you

Oh my love, im so so sorry!! Im also happy that you have one fighter still there my love with a strong heartbeat. Try take some comfort in that sweetheart. Sending you hugs. 😘💗

Thank you x

So so sorry to read this terrible news. Completely tragic 💔 You must be absolutely heartbroken. Take all the time you need to gradually process your thoughts and gather the strength to continue your journey. Sending love 💕xx

Mrs_MT
Mrs_MT in reply to Shelleybean

Thank you x

I’m so sorry dear, I can imagine how you feel... it’s really difficult... I’m sure you are grateful for baby 1 but how can you get other the loss of your baby... try to look after yourself and I do hope by time you get to focus on baby 1.

Sending you lots of hugs. Xx

Mrs_MT
Mrs_MT in reply to Mara84

Thank you x

So so sorry for your loss! I don’t know what to say to make you feel better, as it’s heartbreaking. Baby number 1 is healthy and doing well which is really good news... sending you a virtual lots of love and a hug xx

Mrs_MT
Mrs_MT in reply to BettyBe

Thank you x

I had the same thing. It is so disappointing. 2 days later I was told my downs syndrome combined test had come back high risk and because 1 twin had passed away they couldn't do the blood test element. I then had loads of stress trying to see if the private tests would give me an accurate result and then deciding whether to do an amniocentesis which had a miscarriage risk. This forced me to take my mind of the twin that had passed away.

What I was told by my family was focus on the baby that is still alive and that I need to be happy and positive for this baby. If I get really upset and miserable then I am risking my baby that is still alive. I did feel angry with them as I thought I have lost a baby and I am supposed to just bounce back and be happy. They were right however and I tried to do this. I joined tamba (twins bereavement group) and chatted to another lady in my position.

Grieve and be upset for 2days and then you have have to try and focus on the one baby you have and make sure you keep positive and try and be happy. You would regret it if something happened to the baby and then you would be worrying did all the stress harm it. When I lost the twin I had been stressed and upset and arguing with my partner and I kept wondering was it my fault I had lost the twin.

Mrs_MT
Mrs_MT in reply to josephnsn

Thank you x

lizzybee81
lizzybee81 in reply to josephnsn

My family have made similar comments, I even had a ‘you couldn’t have coped with twins, it’s just so hard’ I think it was for levity but it really cut deep. They’re trying to help I know but no one else understands seeing that heart beat and then not. I couldn’t even look at the wriggly sac next to it, all I could see was that big black shadow. Can I please ask how the rest of your pregnancy progressed / is going? Sorry I dont know.

josephnsn
josephnsn in reply to lizzybee81

Oh that's a terrible comment to make. The rest of the pregnancy progressed fine. I had the amniocentesis and I have healthy happy 2yr old :-). I am currently 21wks pregnant after My 3rd ICSI.

lizzybee81
lizzybee81 in reply to josephnsn

Thank you. Wishing you all the best for the rest of your pregnancy ❤️

Really sorry to hear this. There are no words that can mean anything with the loss of your baby, but just know that we're here and thinking of you and sending love. Take your time to grieve. There is no right way to process this. It's awful news. Wishing you all the best and sending love to baby 1 also. xxxx

Mrs_MT
Mrs_MT in reply to ttcemmie

Thank you x

So sorry to hear this must be so devastating just give yourself time to grieve, hard I know and easier said than done but try and keep positive for your other little one it doesn’t mean the same thing will happen, try and focus on this little one and the joy that comes with it. Seek support from your love ones and of course everyone everyone on here who are routing for u and sending u much love at this difficult time. Xx

Mrs_MT
Mrs_MT in reply to Coral76

Thank you x

Thank you all for your support and love. I just had to take myself a way a bit. I’m not great, but I think it will just take time. It’s like a blanket of sadness wrapped around my shoulders that I can’t seem to shake. It’s the last thing thing on my mind before I go to bed and the first thing I think of when I wake. Sleep is such a relief.

Grief in miscarriage is so strange. You’re not grieving over a person that you knew, but rather grieving over a future that is taken from you. There are mixed feelings of failure, of how I wish I could have protected my baby but at the same time, knowing that there is nothing I could have done. Then there is the anger at how this is all so unfair. I am all over the place.

I have detached myself from baby 1 because I’m scared more bad news will come. It’s not right and it is not fair to baby 1, but I am only human. I just need time to figure out how I can grieve while trying to be there emotionally for baby 1. For now, we are booking reassurance scans before the 12 weeks. Maybe it’ll be weekly or fortnightly, I haven’t decided yet. I just can’t wait until 12 wks to know if something is wrong.

***********************************************

I’m just so sorry to hear this lovely. It’s heartbreaking. Take the time you need to grieve and look after yourself. I’m so pleased baby 1 is still going strong. I hope that continues for you 😘 xxx

Mrs_MT
Mrs_MT in reply to Peanutchips

Thank you x

There is no right or easy way to feel through a miscarriage. I’m sure you are up and down because you still have one baby that is ok. Just cry when you need to and then try to look ahead to better days.

Sending hugs 🤗

Ps get as many scans as you need to ease your anxiety. Bless your heart 😘💐

Mrs_MT
Mrs_MT in reply to RhinoCat

Thank you xxx

Hello Mrs MT, I lost my twin girl at 16 weeks. She had hydrops and DS not compatible with life. I went on to have my little boy who is amazing. I struggled to bond at first with my boy during pregnancy but as time went on and he continued to thrive it became easier.

It’s ok not to feel ok. Please ignore the insensitive comments on how hard twins would be. I had that too and it isn’t helpful.

Wishing you all the best and hoping your pregnancy continues. Here if you need to chat ever xx

Thank you for your words xxx

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