My birthday celebrations stopped around 11am when my consultant rang me to tell me the news. Feeling utterly heartbroken and although I'm normally quite pessimistic I think I had allowed myself to think it could work out for us.
My consultant was talking about possibly upping the dose next time but to be honest I'm not sure its worth it with my age and I was on a pretty high dose anyway. I'm not sure after a miscarriage of a blastocyst at 7 weeks and now transfer of 2 good embryos albeit only day 2 that I will ever be able to get pregnant and sustain a pregnancy.
We might seek a second opinion when back in the UK about whether it is even worth us trying again. We have limited options where we live here but I feel I need to know some more answers about why things haven't worked over the last few years rather than its just my age. Where we live they don't seem to be fussed about testing further.
On the plus side we fly back to the UK on Saturday to spend Xmas with friends and family. I need the holiday but its gonna be babytastic with 1 new arrival within the immediate family and one due whilst we're home.
Sorry I couldn't give all of you ladies some happier news.
x
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Mantaray75
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So sorry to hear this what a horrid birthday. I wish I could say something to help and obviously it has to be your choice but I do know what it's like to feel like you have no options. Where we live fertility isn't something the NHS are bothered about at all and there is almost no help on it. We really had to struggle to do anything and pay for it too. Which no one should have to do. Maybe look and see if there's another clinic for you in the new year but right now look after yourself and think of you right now. That's what's important. All thoughts with you right now sweetheart. Xx
Thanks for you quick reply. We've already paid for 2 cycles as you don't get funding here until 5 years of unexplained and none at all once over 40. The next nearest clinic to us is a 5 hour drive away and its run by the same company.
We would pay again but only if its worth it. We know the chances have always been low but theres no point going through it again for no reason. We just want an honest answer from the consultant. Ours is lovely but is always overly optimistic.
I'm so sorry to hear your news and also to read that you have to spend Christmas around other people's babies and pregnancies. I'm in the 2WW and my 'bright side' is that I can have a good drink at Christmas if it doesn't work. This doesn't even come close to what I actually want but I need a bright side to look on, we all do xx
Oh Hun I'm so so sorry to read this, I was wondering how it's gone for you after you said otd is your birthday, I feel gutted for you. Like you say just get yourself home and into the comfort of your family and get your head straight before you make any decisions. Try and enjoy Christmas although it does sound hard to be around those with new babies and expecting, make sure you put yourself first and protect yourself however you need to.
Have you considered NK cells testing? We are going to look into it if this 3rd cycle doesn't work as we have also had 3 great quality blasto's transferred over 2 cycles (this cycle is 2 2day as that's all we had so not sure if they would've made it to day 5)
Really hope you're ok lovely, sending big hugs and I hope you can enjoy your birthday in some way xxx
Thanks for your reply. Thats the problem, they don't really offer other tests here such as NK cells. I took steroids for 5 days only as my consultant said that was because we were following the Colorado protocol. I'd certainly be happy to take them for longer and had even considered prescribing them for myself.
Oh I see, that really sucks 😔 Are you back in the U.K. long enough to get further advice like you say? If so I'd definitely would while you can, I don't think you'd regret it once you get back. Of course it's a very personal decision though. Whatever you decide I hope you'll be ok and Christmas isn't too hard on you xx
I'm so sorry to hear this. Fertility is such a complex thing. Take your time to grieve this loss-all of us no matter how hard we try to remain pessimistic are always hopeful treatment will work. I know I've felt deveasted when my clomid treatment so far hasn't yet brought me positive test- I can only imagine IVF is like that but times by 100.
I would definitely look into further testing before going ahead again. I know in the uk there are implantation/miscarriage clinics in the U.K- which offer the facilities of other tests you would not get as standard. Nk cells are worth testing for-they can cause miscarriages and implantation failure.
And yes it can't harm to get a second opinion. Our ex consultant did not correctly diagnosis me with PCO- yet our new consultant took the time to take all our history down and upon looking through tests and my symptoms diagnosed me with PCO. Sometimes they do not always get it right.
I hope you feel better soon.
Happy birthday-I know it's not a great start to it. Just be kind to yourself right now. Big hug being sent to you.Dont have to make any hard or fast decisions right now.
I truly am. Like the others have said, maybe you can seel answers. When your over here. Or maybe you just want to take a step back from it and enjoy the break and Christmas.
I'm so so so sorry to read your post...there's not enough words on the world to cover what you must be going through right now, but try and remain strong and don't give up. Maybe rage time out and go again when your ready.
Wishing you the very best with whatever you decide
☹ absolutely gutted to read this... I had such high hopes for you. You need to do what's right for you, but all I'll say from someone on the 'other side' is at the time negatives are so hard, but where I'm at now I'd do it 10 times over to get here. Its difficult to be optimistic I know, but if there's any hope, don't give up. Have a break and enjoy an alcoholic Christmas! Please have a few for me. New year, new hopes. Sending hugs. Xxx
Thanks for your support. Would have been my 20 week scan yesterday too so it double sucks. I know there is still a chance but at 41 it is slipping away from me. X
I'm really sorry to read that it was a negative hun. It's such a horrible feelingg, just wanted to say that please look after yourself and wish you a happy birthday xx
Im so sorry to hear that you've had a negative! I think as much as we try to brace ourselves in case things go wrong it turns out that we are still holding out for some hope there, its only natural as we wouldnt do the treatment otherwise! I hope seeing your family and friends at home is a comfort to you although it will be hard with new babies around! Look after yourselves!xx
I'm so so sorry to hear this mantaray. There aren't any words I can say to make it feel better and I'm sure you're going to want to forget this birthday for sure but I'm sending you a big birthday hug anyway. I know you'll be feeling hopeless right now, that's understandable and it's so hard to keep putting ourselves through this. The only advice I can give is to let yourself feel however you do, be kind to yourself and do whatever you need to do to get through each day. If you can get some advice whilst you're over in the uk it might be helpful to have another opinion and the change of scenery with friends and family around you might be a good distraction. If being around other babies is going to be too hard maybe make up an excuse to not be there such as a cold as you don't want to make them poorly. One day at a time is my new mantra, look after yourself lovely xx
I feel really unhappy reading your post. Dear, it's not fair that you need to go through this but it's not time to give up, moreover you need to be stronger than ever not to stay depressed for a long time especially if you are going to spend time with someone's kids.
Take care of yourself, do you favourite things, listen to you favourite music, eat your favourite pizza a nd buy that gorgeous dress you're dreaming of for a long time. Try not to stay alone with your thought! Keep fighting, cause you are the only one who can make yourself strong.
A second opinion might be a good idea but don't rush into a decision. As a doctor you know there is so much that they don't know about fertility treatment.
Perhaps have a plan for when you visit/meet the new baby/babies just in case it is too much, eg time limit, cide word just in case you need to leave.
I'm so sorry to hear this news... And that you feel stuck for options. I've just looked in to Prof Quenby at Coventry who offers NK biopsy and a consultation for £360 - any chance you could combine it within your trip home (might be hard as you need to call to arrange when you ovulate for next cycle)? The results take 4-6 weeks to arrive but I'm sure they'll call you/email to discuss if you're abroad. I'm looking in to doing it if this cycle fails for me as my own clinic didn't get enough cells to do a NK biopsy and apparently Quenby will offer a second free one if that's the case.
Another thing I'm wondering might be an option for you - depending where you're based - would be combining a holiday with IVF abroad possibly? On the fertility friends forum there are boards with people doing this. The two I've read a lot about (only on there mind) are Czech Republic and Athens. The former seems great value for money and efficient and the latter also good, but with easy quick access to procedures and immune testing too (like 48 hours later).
I think you're right in taking some time out. Do some research on the fertility friends board and that might help you decide if either of these are options. Good luck x
Thanks so much for checking on me. I'm doing ok. Much better than after my miscarriage in August. Still having my moments but maybe I'm starting to seriously think about other options.
I think I realised this week that I really want to be a mum and there are all sorts of weird combinations of families out there and maybe I'm just not supposed to do it the conventional way.
We're coming back to the UK on Saturday so it is perfect timing to get away and have a serious think about what the future holds. I certainly haven't given up the dream of having my own child so we're see what the doctors say about whether its worth trying again. I guess at least I got pregnant a few months ago so chances are we still have some hope.
So sorry to hear about your test result. Not much I can say that will make it better. I'm currently sat here with bad period pains as a reminder that it didn't work. Everything about this whole process sucks.
Really sorry to hear about this Mantaray75. I hope you are able to have a relaxing Christmas and I wish you all the best for whatever you decide to do next. xx
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what a horrid birthday. I wish I could say something to help and obviously it has to be your choice but I do know what it's like to feel like you have no options. Where we live fertility isn't something the NHS are bothered about at all and there is almost no help on it. We really had to struggle to do anything and pay for it too. Which no one should have to do. Maybe look and see if there's another clinic for you in the new year but right now look after yourself and think of you right now. That's what's important. All thoughts with you right now sweetheart. Xx
BFN but expecting it 🙁
BFP !!! The best birthday gift ever! 😍❤️❤️❤️
Best Birthday Present Ever!! BFP 😀
BFN using donor eggs 
BFN 😪💔
