Has any one felt like this?

I have never gone through life feeling that having a child is my ambitition. However I felt "when im older" I will know..now im older im still unsure. We decided to try and have now found out the only way would be via IVF. Im still confused and feel mixed up.. Im not totally sure I can imagine having a child but I also cant imagine not having a child.. now I know the only way is IVF I feel even more confused over how I feel.. has anyone else faced this uncertaincy in how they feel?

9 Replies

  • Hi Charlie6 I know exactly how you feel. Awful as it sounds especially being on this forum but I also feel confused about how I really feel. Like you, never really had an urge to have kids it was just something you do. Assumed as I got older I'd feel broody. I didn't but due to the ticking clock we started to try. Nothing happened and test reveal my partner has low sperm count. So IVF here we go. I have no emotions when I see babies or pregnant women as I have no interest in other peoples babies or children but I am genuinely happy for friends and family when they have kids.

    When our first cycle ended with a chemical pregnancy I was gutted but no tears. I also can't picture myself with a baby but then dread the thought of my life without one.

    I'm generally not an emotional person which is just as well as I found the IVF process ok. I'm sure that if my next cycle works my maternal instinct will kick in and I will go baby crazy. I must want it otherwise why would I be doing IVF! I'm sure it's just my minds way of getting me through the whole process a sort of survival instinct.

    Good luck with whatever you chose to do and if you do jump on the IVF bus I hope it all goes well xx

  • Woow its just a comfort to hear what you have to say and again especially on here but I kind of feel that more people must be feeling what we are but maybe don't feel comfortable to say so

    Im the way I don't really feel overwhelmed when I see other folks kids in fact most of the time I don't know what to say to them - I put that done though to my limited experience overall with children.. when I found out that there was a high chance I wouldn't have kids, I feel really upset. as although I couldn't imagine actually having one I couldn't imagine not doing... it was something like we have both said I thought I will feel it later in life... in some ways though I cant imgine having to "entertain" someone all the time and having no time to myself either - hope that doesn't sound really selfish

    However time is ticking on and I am now 37 so I don't take this chance then that will be it and im also scared I will look back on it and regret it...

    Its hard isn't it all these conflicting emotions.. part of me feels I still have load of time as time since my 20s seems to have gone so fast

  • Yeah it's the ticking clock!! I know that if we didn't try IVF I would have regretted it. And you are right I'm sure there are lots of women having the same thoughts. I don't think you need to be broody and baby mad to want to try for a child.

    I have friends that had the same attitude to me and when they had a baby they went all mumsnet. And not being interested in other peoples kids is normal to, as that will come naturally once you have your own, as children will be part of your life and social life.

    But like me you must want it more then you think if you are considering IVF so go for it.

  • Hi guys. I feel exactly the same way! I thought I was the only one. I have been through one round of IVF and was in tears when it failed. I DO want this and I don't want to have any regrets but I still feel confused about bringing a child in to the world. Charlie - you don't have loads of time, sadly. I remember at 39 I thought I did but the time does speed by and now I am 41 and on my 2nd round of IVF with a very small chance of succeeding.

    I like kids - and love my nieces and nephews so much - but have never been broody until probably a couple of years ago and that was because time was running out! If I had more time I woudn't be doing this. That's the honest struth. I agree MissMc - we MUST want this which is why we are putting our bodies through this.... Although as I am about to start IVF2 I feel very apprehensive but I will do this.

  • It's such a weird feeling ladies and those who aren't in this situation don't realise how much it consumes you and takes over every day life. I have to stop sometimes and think of my husband also as I'm not the only one it's affecting. I'm waiting for my referral to the hospital and sometimes feel so stressed out by it all. Constantly waiting to see what post I have etc. I'm surrounded by babies, pregnant women, advertisements etc. My job allows me to forget about things whilst I'm working but still feel consumed by it all most the time. :-( x

  • Hi I see you have a little one now..congratulations. .and I hope you are both well

  • Hi yes lovely. We had two little embies put in last Feb and we are so, so lucky that both attached and were blessed with twin girls in Oct 15 who are now 6.5 months! 

    How are you? X

  • Wow twins... how on earth do  manage? ? Congratulations. .my little boy is 1 on Friday

  • lol I don't know sometimes! My days just seem to merge into one! There are easy and hard days I guess. Their teething at the mo so it's kinda hard but I do get lots of help from hubby and my Mum so I can't complain. Xx

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