TTC for 5 years feeling really low

We have been Trying for almost 5 years, and have our first appointment at an IVF clinic next week.

I have endometriosis and PCOS have had a laparoscopy, my tubes tested, 6 rounds of clomid (where I did ovulate 3 times) and my husband doesn't have great sperm.

I feel very negative about it, and kind of feel that I am mourning for a baby that I am never going to have. My Husband is very positive about the IVF, but I have been so positive this whole time I just seem to have run out.

Recently 2 of my very good friends have announced they are expecting, and although I am happy for them (of course I am, I wouldn't wish infertility on anyone) I have cried and felt miserable each time I have found out.

I have been trying for a baby for longer than they have been with their partners, I wish I didn't feel like this - It makes me feel bitter and pathetic. I might as well get the witches broom out and lock my cats in for the rest of my life!

Some positive stories would be great ladies! I am desperately in need of a pick me up!

3 Replies

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  • I can't offer a positive story as 3 rounds of ICSI = 3 BFNs. But I wanted to let you know many of us have felt like you are now. It's even harder when people around you are expecting, the mix of jealousy and happiness is a very hard one to handle.

    You're right about the grieving for the baby you might never have. I had some counselling to help with this aspect and understanding the grief process really helped. Ask if your clinic offers counselling.

    Our thoughts and feelings are influenced by our experiences and our brains can go into unhelpful thinking eg what ifs. So it's natural to feel the IVF might not work as the Clomid hasn't but IVF might work. You might feel more positive once you start the process.

    Use this forum to off load and good luck!

  • Hi think what you're feeling is normal and I confess to feeling this way too. I find it difficult being around pregnant people and hate people springing pregnancy announcements on you.

    I feel horrible for feeling jealous of friends who are pregnancy. This journey sucks the joy out of life. Xx

  • Hi, dear! I’m so sorry you’re going through this :(

    Will share our story. First, I couldn't believe from the beginning of our path that it would be so draining! We had our testing done and results came out my dh was absolutely ok, the problem in me. They told I had luteal phase defect. But I cannot say I worried much about the things. Thousands of women have this issue and get pregnant. And the procedure seems not so complicated – my body needs adding some progesterone only. So we kept quite positive searching the place to go on with. (We decided to pass the treatment abroad). After visiting eviternity.org we had our free consultation in London.

    Situation changed after we both did testing in Ukrainian clinic. We got more results and were given less than 10% of conceiving with OE. The quality of my eggs turned out to be very low. I couldn't believe my ears and it seemed all my comfortable feeling just vanished. After some break we decided to move on with donor eggs and finally conceived after the 2nd round with twins.

    The process is emotionally draining but the result is worth doing all this! Wish you all the best X

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