I feel very ashamed to write this. Lately I have felt very alone and I really need to feel that someone supports me.
I am 31 years old. I've been married for 3 years with a good man. We started TTC two years ago. After seven months we went to the doctor and he found that I have cysts in the uterus and a blocked fallopian tube. I was on treatment and now I am about to start IVF for the first time.
But I do not feel well.
I feel self-esteem on the floor. I'm excited to start the IVF, but at the same time I'm upset. I feel like I should not be doing that. I'm a woman, I'm supposed to have babies. My marriage is not the same as before. We had many plans and because of me they no longer serve.
My friends ALL have kids. They tell me that in time I will have a baby, BUT I DO NOT HAVE. I do not want to wait. I do not want to go through the IVF. I feel very, very bad.
Also, two years ago I realized that my husband was cheating on me. It's a mess, I know. It was something small and we got over it. Now I suspect he is doing it again. I can not help but think it's my fault. He has always wanted a baby, he has supported me in everything, but I suppose everything has a limit. Even so, he was the one of the IVF idea.
I want a baby. It's just that, God, it's all very overwhelming. I never thought I'd go through with this.
I hope someone can understand me.
My name is Vicky, by the way.