Pregnant but haunted by miscarriage

[SuzanneAM]

After one fail and one medical miscarriage I am third time lucky and I am coming up to 19 weeks pregnant. But I can't seem to relax the pressure of it being an egg donation IVF pregnancy and my second attempt ending in miscarriage is making me paranoid, anxious and scared that something is going to go wrong. Haunted by the thought I could lose my baby again even though I'm further along this time. The thought that if anything went wrong I would have to start this emotional journey all over again. I feel really selfish writing this when there are those who still haven't had there BFP. I am so sorry.

I keep asking my husband do you think the baby is ok, I'm reading into every little thing, twinges and aches everything just makes me question if everything is ok. I am so happy to be pregnant I am made up but part of me is so scared. I've had several scans which show a strong heart beat and baby, but in between waiting for those scans I can't help asking myself is he/she ok in there still growing still being strong for me. I know I am feeling like this because I want him/her so bad and it has been a long emotional journey to get here I just felt like I needed to get my feelings out there.

Hope you are all ok X X

[Imd123]

I think what you are feeling is absolutely natural. You have in your sights something you have wanted for a long time and something you probably thought may never have. So of course there is a level of anxiety for you. I had a mc at 7 weeks last year and although I was absolutely devastated I was also relieved, as I knew I didn't have to worry anymore.

At the time I spoke to my doctor as I was really struggling to function and he suggested there were some medications I could use for short periods to help me through particularly stressful times. I was of course reluctant as I was doing everything I could to create a healthy baby, but I was reassured that the baby is very well protected and I had to look after myself too.

Of course taking medication was my last result as I had also been receiving counselling and CBT. I also tried mindfulness training and there are some good apps available ( I liked headspace).

But I think you just have to take one day at a time. Don't think any further than the end of the day and be thankful that you are in the position you are.

All the best.

[noodles_]

Hi Suzanne. It's only natural for you to worry after everything you've been through. I just wanted to message to let you know that you're not alone. The thought of having to start this process all over again terrifies me. I worry constantly, I'm just over 25 weeks and my placenta is at the front so I don't feel a lot of movement. I hired a fetal heart doppler and I have to say the peace of mind and reassurance it gives me is priceless. I'd totally recommend it then when you feel worried you can have a wee listen in. I'll private message you the details if it is something you'd be interested in. My midwife also arranged for me to speak to the maternity psychologist at the hospital and I found this very helpful. She told me what I'm feeling is normal and that I won't rest until I have the baby here in my arms. I'm guessing this applies to all of us really. Sending you a big hug. One day at a time is all we can do to get through this I'm afraid 😘 x x

[Hope_faith]

Hi im feeling just the same and im coming up to 18 weeks, my placenta is also at the front so dnt feel much movement but i got myself a doppler from 13 weeks and i hear a good heart beat and plenty of shuffling around in there so makes me feel alot more comfortable while waiting for the next scans. I found shopping for baby things from my check list helps aswel as its a bit of a distraction and gets me feeling abit more positive x

[EmBlazes]

My sister had 2 miscarriages and then went on to have a healthy baby for number 3 but she was worried for the entire pregnancy (and had over 20 ultrasounds because she was a high risk pregnancy). She is now pregnant again and STILL doesn't really "enjoy" or "relax" with pregnancy because she is worried from stage to stage. She is now waiting for the 20 week detailed scan where the check for abnormalities. I am certain that if I get my BFP I'll be the same which is a shame. I'm sure we'd all like to be like those women who can just relax and enjoy being pregnant. I hope the rest of your pregnancy is healthy and relatively stress free X

[Tlove]

It's so difficult. I feel the same way sometimes and I'm further along at 31 weeks. I've had days where I think I just want these babies to come now so I have them safely in my arms but at the same time I know they are in the best place until a few weeks from now. Once you start to feel movement, it will be very reassuring but don't google things. I was convinced I should be feeling the babies early because Google said so but it was 22-24 weeks before I really felt anything and I was told this is normal for a first time mum. Once you have the anatomy scan, you can relax a little more and hopefully you will start to feel movements soon. It doesn't help when people start to ask if you're feeling movements either! I hope you are being treated high risk and you're getting extra scans, I find this reassuring.

Regarding the miscarriages, I went to counselling and thought I had pretty much got over them. But I felt really rubbish on Sunday and didn't really know why. It was only yesterday that I realised Sunday would have been the due date for what would have been my first born and the lmp for my second (2 years ago). I hadn't thought about them in a long time and I think with the pregnancy hormones I just lost it and ended up crying for ages. So, although you have a healthy ongoing pregnancy I think it is very normal to still feel something for the babies you lost, no matter how long ago that was. It took me ages before I invested in any baby equipment but as the weeks went on, I started to enjoy the shopping for the twins. You'll get there, just take it one day at a time. x

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi SuzanneAM. Your midwife will be keeping a close eye on you I'm sure. Your anxieties are quite natural, and I'm certain they won't fully go away until you hold your baby in your arms, I'm afraid. Hopefully, with my midwife hat on, you should be feeling your little one "fluttering" about - soon to be kicks - fabulous reassurance! Diane

[nicknick]

Hi, everything will be OK, I am keeping all toes and fingers crossed. xxx

[samrakkar]

Babe it's totally understandable I've just had my miracle boy after 15 years... and I was exactly the same... I only chilled out in the last two months. I did have growth scans every 3 weeks too but that was to stop me from getting anxious. Speak to your midwife ask if she can put you in for scans for peace of mind. Also when baby starts moving u tend to chill a bit too x