Back to work after failed IVF...

[Rollypops]

Hello everyone,

Just looking for some advice please

After our first IVF cycle, we had 5 eggs retrieved, only 1 surviving embryo, which was transferred on the 1st July, but unfortunately didn't stick around. We are both heart broken, and know that as we have nothing frozen, we will have to go through it all again. We just feel so lost.

Myself and my OH have had 3 days off from work so far, as everything got too much for us. We are looking at going back this week I think. I know everyone is different, but just wondered if anyone is in a similar situation and how they coped / got back to "normal"

Thanks guys xXx

[LCharlton]

So sorry to hear this. I was in a sort of similar situation - I did get pregnant on our first IVF cycle but miscarried at 8 weeks, and like you we'd had only one embryo so we will need to start again from scratch with our next round. I miscarried on a Friday and I think I was working again on Monday but it was during lockdown and so most of that week to be honest I was "working" from home but mostly staring at the wall in a daze and occasionally realising I had five urgent emails I had to answer. It does take time, I think it's helpful to talk to your partner and for me it was useful to talk to friends who'd had miscarriages. We had a couple of sessions of telephone counselling through our fertility clinic which was really helpful, is this something you can access? I would really recommend it if you can. Wishing you all the best xx

[Rollypops in reply to LCharlton]

Thanks for your reply. Sorry you had to go through all that, it must have been awful! I find the hardest parts of this journey is getting your hopes up and then it being taken away from you.

Our clinic has mentioned counselling before, maybe we should give it a try. To be honest, with everything going on at the moment, we haven't really thought about that, but thanks for recommending.

Can I ask if you tried again for another cycle? If so, how did you get on? At 1st I thought I couldn't do it again, but I just don't think we are ready to fully give up yet. I know my OH wants to try again, it's just such an emotional rollercoaster ride

X

[LCharlton in reply to Rollypops]

We will try again in the autumn but I definitely didn't feel ready for a while. We are getting a referral to a urologist for my husband (we have male factor infertility), have had a diet overhaul and are taking tons of supplements - when I did start thinking about trying again, I really needed to feel like we were putting ourselves in a better position first xx

[Hidden]

Hey. Im so sorry it didnt work thia time. I took a few days off and im glad i did as that bleed was the most horrible bleed ever. My mom live very far from me ao i crashed there for a day or 2. Once back at work i just told my manager it didnt work as she knew i was going through it and i asked for her to be patient with me as it was a big blow for me. I think as the weeks passed thing went back to normal (covid happend) and we forgot about it at work. She occasionally will ask how things are and i keep it all high level. Xx

[Rollypops in reply to Hidden]

My manager knows and funnily enough has been through it herself, so she knows what it's like.

I'm just struggling to come to terms with it may never happen for us. How do you even begin to accept that? X

[Hidden in reply to Rollypops]

If our first round didnt happen who says we wont be mommies one day? Take time to heal. I promise you, you will find your strength back to fight again xxx

[Rollypops in reply to Hidden]

I really hope so! Are you planning on giving it another go? Xx

[Hidden in reply to Rollypops]

Im doing my fet as we speak ... terrified im going to have a chemical again or worse miscarry down the line. But i have accepted that this is my journey and life has given me the lemons so *sigh* xx

[Rollypops in reply to Hidden]

Ohh I have everything crossed it works out for you! How many little frosties did you get? Xx

[Hidden in reply to Rollypops]

Thanks lovely. We had icsi with two blasts. My fresh one was the best blast which was a chemical. My second was my frostie which was below average so who knows. Xxxx

[Rollypops in reply to Hidden]

We had ICSI too. So will most likely have to have it again if we did a 2nd round.

Where are you having your treatment if you don't mind me asking? We are looking for new recommended clinics in the north west x

[Hidden in reply to Rollypops]

Im NHs and in wouldnt recommend my clinic as they dont have a personalised treatment plan. I dont get tested for my hormones during stims or in 2ww. And i only saw my consultant once. I did attend a few open nights and if i would have to go private inwould go with abc or create or go abroad xxx

[Rollypops in reply to Hidden]

I was NHS and didn't get a personalised treatment plan or tests in the 2WW. Wonder if that's why. We were with Care Fertility x

[Littleflower82]

Hi ya I'm sorry to hear your first round failed, I personally felt that was the hardest cycle for me, I had only 2 average day 3 embryos and none to freeze, so they transferred both and I had a Cp 2 days after test day. I think I was niave at my first cycle and just assumed it wud work. I was heartbroken, I think I took maybe 6 weeks of work just to properly feel myself before I went back. We took 4 or 5 months and went again. Cycle number 2 was a Cp again and none to freeze. But to make a long story short I did cycle 3 fresh cycles that also didn't result in our take home babies, it was a bfn. It was only the 3rd cycle that I finally had 3 frozen. We transferred 2 of those and I now have 8 month old b/g twins. So please take time to grieve, I feel a few days isn't enough, build urselfs up, have counselling and prepare for a Rollercoaster ride, but hopefully with time u will have ur rainbow baby xx

[Rollypops in reply to Littleflower82]

Omg this is so happy to hear that after all your upset and heart ache, that you finally got to be a mum! It's amazing! It's the waiting isn't it too that is so hard!

Think we are planning to have a week off work, but see how we feel. We have to contact the clinic today to discuss the next steps. I feel a few months break would be good, before we did start again.

Are you in the UK? Do you have any good experiences of clinics? Thanks x

[Littleflower82 in reply to Rollypops]

Sorry only getting round to replying now, I'm in Northern Ireland, we don't have a massive choice of clinics here so I just stick with the same one as I felt my consultant know my history. I have good luck and questions please ask xx

[Laura3101]

We were in the same position as you too, we had our 1st round with only 1 embryo to transfer and none to freeze which resulted in a BFN. That was our nhs round so then we had to pay for a private round. We got 1 embryo good enough to transfer and 1 to freeze. The 1st embryo resulted in our daughter who is now 2 and half and we are currently in the middle of FET for the remaining Frosties. I took a week off work when my first round didn’t work and we did our second round 2 months later x

[Rollypops in reply to Laura3101]

Thanks for sharing your lovely story. It gives us hope, as at times you can feel hopeless!

After your NHS round, how did you choose a clinic or did you stick with the same 1? Did they use what they had learnt in your 1st cycle for your 2nd? Xx

[Laura3101 in reply to Rollypops]

Yeah we stuck to the same clinic as ours is one of the higher rated clinics in the U.K. we are based in Yorkshire. In my second round they increased my merional and also added a blood thinning injection clexane. Everything else was the same as before. I tried to think of my first round as a trial run to see how my body responded so they could get it right the next time & that made me feel a lot better about the first round failing. X

[Rollypops in reply to Laura3101]

That's what we have been telling ourselves, about the NHS 1 being a trial run. We are so grateful to have the opportunity on the NHS as many people don't, but I can never understand how some get 1 round and some 3.

Anyway, onwards and upwards I guess. We were with Care Fertility. Is your clinic an independent 1 or a chain? X

[Conceivingblee]

I had my second cycle transfer same day as you it also failed. I lost it for 3 days. But i jow feel i need to focus on tryingvto understand why it failed if everything in paper looked good.

So ive dusted myself off and have a plan. This work for me. Im so sorry for you. It's such a tough time and coming back down to normal is a process. Ive booked a night away to the coast. So i can recharge and have something to look forward to aswell.

Lots if strength sent to you to help you mend.

[Rollypops in reply to Conceivingblee]

I was exactly the same, it was weird, because before the test day yesterday, I already knew it hadn't worked.

It's a good idea to have something to focus on and look forward to.

I hope you get some answers soon and can plan for your next cycle, if this is something you want to do. Fingers crossed for you! X

[Conceivingblee]

I knew aswell. Something didnt feel right at all. You at Care fertility aswell? Thats where i am.

Good luck if you choose to go again x

[Rollypops]

Yes, we went to Care Fertility in Chester on the NHS, but it was an hour drive for us. We are looking at sticking with Care again, but going to maybe Manchester or Bolton if we go private. How have you found them? X

[SandR123 in reply to Rollypops]

Hi sorry to jump on your conversation. I'm with care Chester had the same transfer day as yourself and it failed. How did you find them? Feel rather disappointed with lack of tests and communication I know the current situation doesn't help but feeling rather let down but maybe that's just because it didn't work. Hope your ok anyway. Xx

[Rollypops in reply to SandR123]

Wow, we could have been sat next to each other and never knew lol. I don't think they did very many tests tbh and I think the meds I had was just a guess at what I may respond to. That was our only try on the NHS, we are now looking at private and don't know whether to change clinics or stay because they said they can learn from the 1st cycle. How about you? X

[SandR123 in reply to Rollypops]

Ha I know. Suppose it is just trial and error it all just frustrating when you want you body to do what it needs too. I am lucky we still have 2 more rounds on the NHS I know we are super lucky though so sorry you only had 1 just don't think that is fair at all. They do seem like a good clinic care but worth a look round for yourselves if it's going to be private anyway. Xx

[Rollypops in reply to SandR123]

That's mad lol ohh I know, we have said to each other, we are so grateful to have a try on the NHS. Not many people have the opportunity. Duno how they work out who gets what, but onwards and upwards. The only thing I missed with Chester, was a portal, you can communicate with them through it and see your embryos developing. Think they have that at most other Care Fertility's xx

[Conceivingblee in reply to Rollypops]

I was with Nottingham. One nhs one self funded. Its tough isnt it we stayed as felt they should of learnt some stuff from first round and we did but i think they could of been more proactive because of my history. Done more tests. Especially testing my progesterone after transfer. Ive gone to them with loads of questions i want answering and i want some immunology testing done now dont want to waste another 6k if something else is going on i could identify with further tests. Id rather soend that thousand pounds understanding if my body isnt working for some reason that way.

Unexplained infertility.... just has to be a reason doesnt there.

[Stevie85]

Just wanted to say I know how you feel. We had 6 eggs collected and only one made it to day 5. Got my negative test result yesterday and horrible period to accompany it! I am lucky in the sense that I am a teacher so I am WFH at the moment and then I have the 6 week summer holiday. I am so grateful for that as I know that I wouldn't be able to go back to work straight away. I would say that everyone is different and if you do decide to go back straight away it doesn't mean you aren't grieving. We all deal with it in different ways.

Whatever you decide just be kind to yourself and take as much time as you need xx

[Rollypops in reply to Stevie85]

Hi Stevie85, I'm so sorry you've gone through it too, it's awful isn't it. Knowing that you have none frozen too and would need to go through it all again, is a double blow.

We've later found out that our only surviving embryo wasn't a great grading, 1AB apparently. So hoping on our next try they can change the medication, unless sometimes that's just how we are and don't produce great grades 🤷🏻‍♀️ who knows.

Are you hoping to give it another go in the future? Xx

[Stevie85 in reply to Rollypops]

Yes, we will give it another go. Going to have a little break and then try again in the autumn. I think sometimes so much is out of our control. Just trying to stay sane is difficult enough.

I figure that whatever happens I gave it my best and what will be will be. I like to think my life can still be good however things turn out xx

[Conceivingblee in reply to Stevie85]

Staying sane is a mahoosive problem. I feel that 😜 drove myself nuts in 2ww this time . hope you are starting to feel better. X

[Hidden]

Hiya Rollypops, I totally sympathise with you, so sorry it didn't work out for you this time . We just had our 2nd ivf fail, didn't even make to transfer. Like you heartbroken. I have taken this week off if you can its good to take some time out for you and your partner to reconnect and take time out not focusing on fertility - as it does take over your life even though they say try to relax....

Good luck on your journey hope you get your mommy dream soon X❤

[Rollypops]

Hi Jaten, really sorry it didn't work out for you again. I hope you will be third time lucky! How long did you leave it after your first round before you tried again? In one sense I want to do it straight away, but then wana give my body a break really xx

[Rollypops]

Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read this thread and also respond, I appreciate each and every single 1 of your comments. You are all amazing and if you aren't already, I hope you all get to become mummy's soon! Xx