Fertility Network UK
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2 weeks after BFN - I am going to be an auntie!

So 2weeks ago we got a BFN following our 1st cycle. Yesterday I got told I was going to be an auntie. My brother and his girlfriend live 200 miles away and yesterday was the 1st time I had seen them since March. They hadn't told me but I was greeted by her wearing very tight clothes to show the tiny bump. I even had to look at scan photos. I want to be happy for them but feel devastated. I've not dealt with it very well and ended up arguing with everyone including the OH. I've got the follow up review on Tuesday but I'm just not dealing with things and everyone thinks I'm horrible. Sorry I just needed to get it out of my system. Xx

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So sorry to hear this. You're not horrible at all. It's so devastating hearing others happy news when we're trying so hard, and a lot of the time they either don't know or don't appreciate. Why does it come so easy for everyone else? My sister in law has had two kids since we've started trying. I have to put on a brace face and every family functional and it just gets harder and harder.

Do something nice for yourself and try and block it out. I know easier said than done. I'm a true believer of surrounding yourself with positivity. Thinking of you xxxx

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Hey

Thank you for the message. It's such a tough old world. Thank's for your words of support. Sorry for the late reply I've really needed to distance myself xx

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Such a hard thing to go through at the rawest time possible. I'm sure I'd have responded the same. We can't be super human. They do need to understand what you are going through. Some warning would have been better. Did they know you were having treatment? Life sucks sometimes! It's hard to be happy for others when we're in so much pain. Don't beat yourself up. Totally normal and natural how you feel. Sending you big hugs and strength and as sunshine says just focus on your needs for now xxxx

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Thank you so so much. Yes they did know about the treatment. I could have dealt with it so much better if I had had some warning xx

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That really wasn't a very nice way to find out at all and I'm sure I would have not reacted very well either we definitely don't need these kind of surprises. Xxx

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This is definitely the place to vent, so sorry you had to go through that it must of been awful for you. I had a hard time when my brother and SIL announced she was pregnant again. Do they know what you've been through? If not maybe in time you could tell them xx

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Hey

How are you? I'm sorry you had a hard time. People just don't understand. They did know and that's what has made it a whole lot harder. Xx

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I'm doing okay thanks, how are you? I know your right they sure don't, unless you walk this path. oh I'm sorry I'd of thought they could of had more empathy if they knew xx

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Glad your OK hun. You are right in the thick of things. I'm OK we had quite a good and positive follow up appointment yesterday. It certainly feels like they don't care at all but I need to concentrate on me and my OH (She says although Still annoyed). Sending you lots of luck xx

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Hoping to be discharged tomorrow and then go ahead with transfer Saturday - if anything it's taken my mind off how the embryos are developing lol

Glad your apt went well - have you decided your next steps? Definitely you need to put yourselves first, I know it's family but some times they can be the least sensitive xx

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Awe bless you. I know they say every cloud! I really hope you are feeling better soon. It's great that you have the 5 that fertilised. I hope they carry on going. Wishing you lots of luck for ET too.

We are planning on doing a FET in October. We have 3 frozen blasts all at 4AA. So trying to look forward now and as I say put myself first for once xx

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Thank you, I know I'm hoping after all of this they've all held on - embryologist is going to ring me tomorrow with an update 🤞

Oh that's good, I find it sometimes helps having something to focus on. Definitely, look after yourself xx

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You definitely deserve it hun. Go little embies! Make sure you keep us updated.

Thank you. I was stuck between being to scared and after the weekend a hell bent determined attitude xx

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There seem to be a rash of friends and family pregnancy announcements this weekend on here. I'm so sorry you've had to deal with this so soon after your bfn, that's rotten. And often it's worse when it's announced face to face especially with scan photos as there's nowhere to hide. Be very kind to yourself, let yourself feel how you feel, and know that you are not alone in how you feel xxxx

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You are not horrible!! You are hurting like anyone in your position would. People just don't understand and it's incredibly frustrating. Look after yourself xx

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I must admit I do think they should have had the sensitivity to let you know beforehand rather than just springing it on you. That must have been tough to take. Totally know how you feel it's really hard xx

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You can't control how you feel, I have this saying "don't tell me how to feel", literally everyone around me and my sister have had babies through my ttc journey and when my 1st frozen cycle failed and I can feel your pain, unfortunately no one can relate until they have experienced it. Baby jealously is a real thing and I know loads of people that are going through the same feelings including myself. Try not to beat yourself up about it, these forums are great to reach out to people that understand. Also you can't measure someone's desire for a baby everyone is different and have there own journey. Just keep knowing that there's always another chance and you will have bad days but you will also have good days. Best of luck for your next cycle. Keep the faith 💕

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Thank you soo much xx

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Big big hugs 🤗

It's certainly is crap, totally understand how you feel,

Since started my ttc journey

My oldest sister has has 5 kids

My youngest just 1,

Then my brother in law 2,

My best friend 4

And other friends also 1/2 kids.

And it is such a hard blow, specially when your just given the scan without prior notice,

It will be your turn one day chick, really will,

I took all my hurt and anger out on my hubby when it wasn't my turn and was always someone's else's,

It's hard to be happy when you do badly wish it was you, I've lived behind a fake smile for years,

Wishing you lots and lots of luck for your review Tuesday,

Take care xx

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Xxx

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Sending a hug your way. Xx

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Oh hunni this is awful! I found out a few months ago my new sister in law was pregnant via Facebook it showed up on my feed, scan pictures and all. I remember being very angry about it. Don't be hard on yourself your human and your dealing with something that hurts. Others don't understand the pain unless they have been through it themselves. Anyway try and keep you head up and invest in yourself. Xxx

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Awe bless you that must have been so hard too. Thanks for sharing xx

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That is an absolutely rubbish way to tell you. Just turning up and not giving you the chance to prepare yourself 😔 It would have been a lot easier to accept if you had found out in a message before and then you could have pretended to be happy for them until you had processed the news.

It is lovely to be an auntie though. I have 5 nieces/nephews (and another due) and I absolutely love spending time with them and buying lots and lots of things they don't need, my OH is always having to rein me in 😂.

Tuesdays looming appointment probably won't be helping either! I hope it goes well x

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Thanks hun. I am an auntie too and love it. Just a bit of consideration would have been really nice. Hope you guys are OK xx

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Yep you can always rely on ones family to be inconsiderate 😩. We are fine, counting the days until our holiday. Hope your appointment went well x

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Awe bless when do you go? We've decided we will get away at the end of Sept. The appointment went well thanks hun. We are going to do a FET in Oct xx

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Not until the 18th September so still ages away! I can't wait for some sunshine and cocktails. That's a great idea to go away before you do the FET in October, you'll hopefully be nice and relaxed then for try number 2 x

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Aww it will be here before you know it. Sunshine and cocktails sound amazing. I hope you both have a lovely time. You both really do deserve it xx

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It is very difficult and the problem is other people don't understand, you want to be happy for them but inside you just feel like you can't breathe. Have you spoken to your OH? Did your brother and family know your situation? Don't give up Hope for you, one day it will be you xx

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Awe thank you for such a lovely message. That's exactly how it is! My brother did know xx

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Oh no, such a hard time, I remember my best mate telling me she was pregnant with her 2nd after we'd been trying for years, I was very resentful and she cried and said I thought you'd be pleased for me. I tried very hard to fake it but was devastated, I've still never told her the truth!

We're only human and this journey takes its toll. Sending lots of love xx

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Awe bless you. It's all so difficult. Lots of love to you too xx

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A very similar thing happened to me and I dealt with it horribly 🙈 but we are only human and this can seem terribly unfair. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time. It will get easier to deal with their news over time. You are completely justified to feel sad. 💜💜💜

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Thank you so much. I'm glad I'm not alone xx

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I think it's only human nature to deal with the news given in the way you did - since we found out we needed to have IVF, we have had 2 nephews & 1 niece born & there is currently another one brewing, due on Xmas Day. I know that I didn't deal with any of these announcements particularly well & I took it out on DH as we had made the decision not to tell anyone. Don't be hard on yourself, it's only natural. However, having all these nieces & nephews is great fun & it will become easier - yes there will be times when it gets particularly hard - scan pics, baby showers, birth etc but you just have to think that 1 day - it will be your turn xx

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Aww bless. Thanks hun xx

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This struck a chord with me. One of my best friends recently told me she was pregnant over the phone and although I congratulated her I didn't do very well to hide how jealous I was feeling.

She is aware of my own struggles and to be honest handled the whole announcement very well with me , telling me before our other friends and also allowing me to rant a bit about my own sadness to her. I initially felt quite bad as I didn't want her to think I was being selfish but at the same time it just felt so so unfair as she had only been trying a few months.

I still get feelings of jealousy when she updates us with the next step of her pregnancy and frustrated when she unintentionally says the wrong things due to lack of understanding and empathy but I am still happy for her.

I think it is perfectly natural to feel angry, sad, jealous, frustrated and just plain fed up.

I doubt everyone thinks you're horrible and even though people really don't get it I would hope that they understand that it can't be easy. It's so difficult dealing with just seeing the pregnant bellies of strangers and I think it's completely normal to feel like this about a family member or friends finding out they are pregnant.

This world is unfortunately very cruel and a lot of things really don't make sense. We all have the right to feel that we are being cheated and I don't think by any means you should feel bad about how you are feeling.

I'm sorry to reply a few days late to this but have only just joined on here myself but came across your post and felt like I could empathise to some extent. I haven't got to the stage of treatments yet and am still being investigated so can't understand that side of things but I hope you don't mind me sharing my experiences of what you have explained anyway.

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