i just hate all this waiting

[yllek1982]

Hi everyone!

I've not been on here in a while- had a bit of a break from everything due to having to wait 2 months for the follow up appointment after a failed FET. We had the appointment today and honestly I'm a bit annoyed that we waited all that time for something that could have been said over the phone ages ago. They need to look in my womb and see what's going on and do an endometrial scratch but in order to do the procedure we are now on another waiting list that will take about 4 months for the operation to even happen. My husband is so annoyed as we could have already been on that waiting list for the last 2 months!!! We may look into getting it done privately to speed the process up but that's obviously going to cost. We have a nurses appointment next week but don't know now whether to go as that was to go ahead with another FET but is there any point in wasting that embryo if there is something else wrong in the womb. It's just driving me daft all this waiting- you get a little bit of information then your left for a few months- the time is just slipping away. what really peed me off as well was that I asked if the procedure would be painful for quite a while afterwards like the last procedure I had (even the ET and scans hurt me and so does smear tests and sex- I can't even describe the pain) and he said "well you've obviously got quite a low pain thresh hold so yes it would probably be quite uncomfortable for a while". I literally could have swung for him- a low pain thresh hold!!!! he has no idea how painful it is and what I endure every month from this horrendous disease, I swear he thought I was just a complainer- he didn't see me literally running to the loo yesterday due to so much flooding from my period, literally every 20/30 minutes having to run off to change. Just feel so mad about it all! Anyway rant over- has anyone else had an endemetrial scratch and gone onto concieve??? Xx

[Hidden]

Sorry to hear your appointment didn't go well, when we had ours we where in the room about 4 mins in which the consultant answered her mobile phone twice, we didn't feel listened to and like she didn't want to be there. I managed to ask all my questions but just got yes or no answers, not really any discussion or explanations X 

[yllek1982 in reply to Hidden]

Oh my goodness that's terrible- she definitely shouldn't have been taking calls in your appointment. It's so frustrating isn't it. Have they given you a protocol of what's to happen for you both next? Ours really wants us to have acupuncture from a specific person in our area (I had already tried contacting this person, phoned, emailed, banged on the door- but no reply) I shall try again though. I don't really know when to have it though as we are unable to try to concieve naturally because the pain is unbearable so I don't know if we should be waiting until after I've had this op- the whole thing has confused me. X 

[Hidden in reply to yllek1982]

We are going to try again, i have low amh so I didn't respond very well to the highest drugs and only got two eggs, this is my last NHS go so want one last try using my eggs so I don't regret not trying. If it fails we are self funding at a private clinic or abroad using donor eggs, just looking at various options now. xxxxxxxx

[yllek1982 in reply to Hidden]

Wishing you lots of luck xxx

[sanj76 in reply to Hidden]

That's really shocking.... 

[Hidden]

Hello 

I feel the urge to send you a reply as I was crying last week after my own failed FET and feeling the same... They just want to keep trying just to see. I then spoke to a nurse at our Scottish clinic. Interestingly she put things in a different context (for me anyway) she said:

1. Most woman undergoing assisted conception have unexplained infertility 

2. Their centre does not use the endometrial scratch as it is classed as quite old fashioned however they do use glue but this has to be used at the point the embryos are frozen 

3. There is no rhyme or reason why sometimes IVF works, sometimes not as they do not see the embryo quality beyond the cells and most in nature do not succeed, which is why our NHS gives 2 whole free cycles - to account for the relatively low success rates

I know right now your dreams are smashed on the floor, the ultimate disappointment after abusing yourself with so many drugs and hormones for weeks. But this is a long game and it does work (otherwise they wouldn't offer it at all) I'm really trying to stay hopeful (hence the name!) It's torture that's for sure but if our day comes we need to plan a future without children I want to be able to say we tried our best... I've been just heartbroken after another friend announced she's pregnant but you know you're not alone ... Xxx

[yllek1982 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks so much for your reply- I think the thing that gets to me the most is the waiting between appointments, it just feels as though we're hanging on all the time and time just seems to be falling away. I am trying to remain positive that's for sure within the whole process it's just difficult to keep that positive momentum going when we keep having 2/4 months gaps between appointments. I also teach a babies group and lots of the mums are now getting pregnant with their second and it's making me re think about the job that I'm currently doing as it just heart breaking watching all the time- just feel a bit numb to it all and just going through the motions if that makes sense. Anyway, thanks so much again for you reply- I'm so sorry your FET didn't work this time- have they said what they want to do next? Xx

[Hidden in reply to yllek1982]

Oh god! Your job is hideous - I work in an adoption team and spend my life supporting infertile couples - it makes me think a job in Tesco would be better 😬

They wanted us to go again next month, but like you I was really concerned at the pace & also logically why bother if it's not worked before? My big issue was my reaction to the drugs through the FET so they've (reluctantly) agreed to let us try a natural FET where they monior your cycle and act just after you ovulate. I have been signed off work for weeks I can't do that repeatedly so praying the natural way makes me a little less cranky/ emotional/ insane!! 

We are going to try again in May. 

The waiting is the worst ... When you think some people get one private erm event with their other half its like a painful torture. I'm loving being able to vent & hear other stories on this though. You need to be in this nightmare to understand it. 

Stay strong ... I will if you will!!😂🙏🏼🌈 x

[yllek1982 in reply to Hidden]

Wow your doing a very worthwhile job- so many children needing homes and your helping them. I can understand that it must be very upsetting seeing so many infertile couples as it kind of would make you feel is that going to me? I've always taught right from the very young to adults but I think I may have to rethink the mother and baby group! I have my own little school you see and they start young and come through the school if that makes sense so I do kind of need the mother and baby group to keep the process going but it's definitely making me rethink the whole thing that's for sure. 

Totally know what you mean about it being so simple for some- it's just so frustrating. I've a friend who's getting married very soon and she's been planning to get pregnant straight away- wish it was that easy! Oh well can't wallow in self pity forever, or perhaps I can, ha ha ha! 

That's good that they are allowing you to do a natural FET- I shall def keep my fingers crossed for you!! Xxx

[Hidden in reply to yllek1982]

Don't wait for appointments though, keep phoning. I have been quite persistent and pushy but feel like I would still be waiting now if I hadn't been X 

[yllek1982 in reply to Hidden]

I'm not sure who I've got to call for the 'womb inspection' I think it's another part of the hospital- I will efinately find out though and see what I need to do to get seen sooner. Thanks so much xx

[LHow81]

I had an scratch with this my one and only FET I can't honestly know and neither can the proffesionals as there is not conclusive evidence that it helps or doesn't help. But I am now 9 weeks. Hope you're not left waiting too long best of luck x

[yllek1982 in reply to LHow81]

That's great- congrats!!! Was the scratch painful to have?? They said they would do my under anesthetic as they want to explore the womb as well to see if there any other issues apart from endometriosis, fibroids, Adenomyosis and my blocked tubes. Xx 

[LHow81]

I didn't find it painful but it sounds like you suffer an awful lot 🙁 It felt like a longer and more uncomfortable smear if you're under hopefully it won't be too bad for you x

[yllek1982 in reply to LHow81]

Thanks so much X 

[Hollibob]

Is it a hysteroscopy?

After the last miscarriage in October, we decided to have some tests to check if there was any possible reason. We saw one person in December and one in January. I'm sure the secretaries must have hated me as I rang them up to see if the next appointment could be brought forward and then did it again.

In regards to the hysteroscopy, I found out that the clinic we go to (also a private/NHS hospital) do have a choose and book patient referral system. Depending on what the normal waiting list is with the NHS, it might be worth looking into? I've also asked to have it under general as the hycosy's I've had have been beyond painful and also doing a similar entry procedure for the scratch was not pleasant!

Sadly the time flies by and sometimes you can't seem to slow it down!

[yllek1982 in reply to Hollibob]

Yes I think it is a hysteroscopy-I did say to him I'd had this procedure before a couple of years ago but he said I'd had something else by the look of the notes on his screen (I do think he's got it wrong but hey what do I know, lol). He told me I would be completely knocked out as they have to do a thorough check and that would mean I'd need to be under for that and they would do the scratch at the same time. I will try and get booked in ASAP- not sure who to call, perhaps I start with the fertility clinic and go from there. Im a bit nervous as to what they might find but something needs to be done. 

How did it all go for you? Xx