Am I normal?!


Feel like I'm going mad even thought he ICSI process is just beginning!

I'm 30 years old and myself and DH are going through self-funded ICSI due to a failed vasectomy reversal. As I'm writing this DH is on his way to the hospital for a semen analysis and I already feel nervous. We are already 99.9% sure of the outcome and know that sperm retrieval is our only option.

I have my 21 day blood test next week and hopefully all being well we go back to the hospital in July for final blood tests and a start date early September.

The thing is I feel I'm already an emotional nut job and we haven't even started! Some days I'm really positive and happy and then out of nowhere I have a mini meltdown thinking of all the negatives, like my tests will find something wrong or to the point I'm scared IVF will put too much strain on our marriage. I'm really lucky to have a supportive husband who wants this just as much as me.

Please tell me the tears and panics are normal at this stage....

12 Replies

  • You will find the journey a rollercoaster of emotions, that is normal. All I can advise is breathe; take it one step at a time otherwise you will quickly become overwhelmed. The ladies on here are wonderful and there will always be someone who understands or can offer you advice. Good luck on your journey X

  • It is absolutely normal and don't give yourself a hard time! You worry at every stage but every piece of good news is a little victory and one step closer! My husband had a successful sperm retrieval and it wasn't anywhere near as awful as he expected it to be. Sending you a big hug and lots of luck xxx

  • Thank you, just didn't know if I needed to be told to catch a grip and stop being a drama queen, ha!

    Good news is hubby is all done and dusted, the hospital are phoning this afternoon and if the sample still shows zero sperm, which it probably will, we can go straight ahead with the retrieval and still be on course for a September start. xx

  • Well if it's not normal then I'm also a complete nutter! We're also due to start icsi later this year so not started anything yet but am already an emotional wreck at times - I think I'm doing fine & then out of nowhere I'll feel really depressed about the whole thing & wonder how the hell I'm going to get through it. We're nhs funded so the waiting involved at each stage is an added frustration. Anyway don't really have any advice just wanted to let you know you're certainly not alone xxxx

  • Thanks Hannah, your message has definitely made me feel a lot better. We can be nutters together! Feel free any time to vent at me and keep in touch regarding your treatment progress too? Be nice if we are both starting around the same time :) xxx

  • Same here, would be nice to be icsi buddies going through things at the same time....keep in touch...& good luck with it all xxx

  • OMG. You're so normal.

    Be prepared to be bat shit crazy. And then look back and wonder who that was! I think the first is always the worst - it's unknown territory.

    Remember - don't let it take over your life; make time for you and OH; keep your inner super woman thoughts strong... you'll need them xxx

  • Thank you Emu, your posts have really helped me in the past. Sending a massive hug to you just now xxx

  • Just spoken to hospital, OH definitely has zero sperm. It's funny, we always knew the vasectomy reversal hadn't worked but you still hold out for a tiny chance of a miracle. But when it's confirmed to you again it still hurts a little... Anyway, we are on the waiting list for surgical sperm retrieval and once OH is taken care of it's full steam ahead for me. I need to learn the art of patience lol xxxx

  • Ah totally normal!! I went a bit nuts at first, I cried to HR at just the thought of fertility tests, it's just such an odd process that no one prepares you for! If you need any advice just shout, and know you're not alone in this madness!! Xx

  • Awe bless you. This post could have been written by me! I frequently feel like I have been taken over by an alien and to be fair my melt downs have been a bit bigger than mini!

    We are private too and my DP had a successful sperm retrieval abut a month ago. He handled the op really well. As soon as he came round he was stressing about me. He wanted to know I was OK as I would be worried, bless him!

    I am due to start my treatment next week. Once we had got the results I was panicking thinking it's my fault if it goes wrong. But we are in it together! It is a serious test and there are times I have wanted to kill him. But my gosh we've not half shared some intimate moments and giggles that will last a life time.

    This forum is amazing too! Wishing you a world of luck xxx

  • Thank you so much for your response, it's amazing how just talking to others makes you feel so much better. Not as alone as I thought :) xxx

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