What does everyone think of baby showers?! Should I go?

Hello lovely ladies.

I just wanted to get your opinion on baby showers and IVF.

We've been TTC for 3.5years and I'm 35, so as I'm sure is the same for a lot of you all too, it feels like everyone is having babies but us. And with those babies come baby showers :(

My friend has her baby shower tomorrow and she's aware of my circumstance and when I told her how it might be difficult for me to come she said it wasn't really a 'shower' just some girlfriends together and she really wants me there. I think quite rightly it will be a celebration of her forthcoming birth and everything that goes with it (even if I find the whole American import quite annoying) and I suppose it just depends on your own state of mind on the day as to whether you go or not.

I'm really worried about not letting her down versus metaphorically punching myself in the stomach by going.

I suppose it comes down to self preservation and good friends will understand. But maybe I'm building it up in my head more than it would be in reality, is it just tea, cake and a girly chat?

Maria x

11 Replies

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  • Hi, it's a baby shower no matter what they say so there'll be lots of talk about babies - as there should rightly be.

    Personally I've forced myself to go to showers, christenings etc some I've been ok and others I've broke down..I think it depends where you're at and if you think you can handle it. I've started to avoid them it's much easier xx

  • I went to a Christening recently and so glad I did as I nearly bailed. So wonderful to celebrate with my friend, but yes I had to draw on everything I could. Agree with Maria Louisa that it depends where you are at. My final decision was that if I stayed home I'd still feel rubbish and guilt would be another emotion to add to my list. We are all different though and if there is a time to put yourself first and be selfish then this is it xx

  • I went to be last week after having exactly the same thoughts. Luckily a friend who I got one with very well came with me and we kind of had our own little party together within the baby shower! In the end there were a couple of times I felt 'sad' when they started asking how much all their baby weighed but over all it was ok. My friend who's baby shower it was said wine welcome and that helped as well! :) xx

  • Hi hun this journey we are on is horrible even more so when everyone round us as having babies or expecting my best friend is due her wee girl in a few weeks she's already got a wee boy which she bad a baby shower for but this time around she had no time as just bought new house anyways I surprised her with a baby shower few weeks back I planned and got everything myself there was so tear when buying the things but coz I was due to start my treatment again for the 3rd time the Fri the 14th this month and her shower was the 16th I was trying to relax and be positive but I didn't get started on the 14th so was heart broken and didn't want to go to shower but coz I planned it and she thought spending the day with and even tho I held it together it was just horrible all the mums talking about there kids wot they went through etc then the opening of presents and see all the lovely baby things so if you really aren't up to hun I wouldn't put yourself through it as u will probably feel your eyes watering but coz it's someone else day you would probably feel bad as everyone start talking about you and why your upset if u feel you want to go to maybe go see how you feel then if to much just leave I really don't want you hurting urself more then you already are not worth it huni xxxx

  • Hey Hun!

    I had to go to a baby shower on Sunday and am almost at the end of my first cycle (ET this Sunday) and my cousin said to me why you here u shouldn't of come! but I kinda think if it that the world keeps turning, baby's are still being born surely isolating myself would just be punishing myself more?? Don't get me wrong it was cheesy and the mum to be was incredibly annoying lol but there were lots of my family and friends were there and although it was tough at times especially when she was opening all the present and seems so ungrateful πŸ˜’ it was nice to use as a "what not to do at my baby shower" kinda experience lol nah joking aside... This is a really lonely journey I personally wouldnt want to make it even more lonely

    I just had a little cry when u got home while I was eating cake πŸ™ˆ

    U know what's best for u if ur really worried about it and it will add more stress don't go but if u think u can manager it go for it!!!

    Good luck!!😘 xx

  • Hello. Tough choice. I would see how you feel on the day. I have avoided my hubby's sisters one when she had both of hers. Because we had just had a fail at the time of both of them. So I said I'm not going to put myself through the heartache! She didn't understand at all. But is a selfish person. It also depends on your friend. Sometimes it can be just tea and chat. But most of them are baby talk galore etc. like my hubby's sisters one was. I would consider going but excuse yourself as needed. Maybe talk to your friend and have a secret que. xxxx

  • I'm American. And I'm a masochist, I hosted baby showers for several friends. It wasn't easy and I always cried after. Traditionally there are very silly games and baby presents. I found I was good up til the present bit and all the baby clothes.

    It's up to you. What if you popped in for a minute? And said you needed to be somewhere else? Don't worry about your friends, they will understand. Do what you're comfortable with.

  • i was in the same situation last weekend. I had a fail last week too. I just decided on the day. it was fine in the end as I got to see a lot of people and I got through it.

  • Hello Maria, sometimes I've felt strong enough to go to these things (and enjoy them!) and othertimes I've found it too much and had to excuse myself. I would wait and see how you feel tomorrow. If it's too much don't feel like you have to go. There's no getting away from the fact it will be all baby chat, other mothers sharing their experiences, cup cakes with bottles and baby paraphernalia everywhere!

    Put yourself first (not your friend) and do what feels right for you. If you do go, I find it helps to get involved in the hosting - taking coats, topping up glasses, passing around cake etc. It all helps distract you! If you don't go make sure you plan something else for the day. Last thing you want is to be sitting in the house thinking about everyone being at the shower!

    Good luck! x

  • Like the others I'd see how you feel on the day. Your friend sounds supportive and says she wants you there and should understand if you need a bit of time out of the baby talk. You could agree a code word or phrase that indicates it's too much and you need to leave.

    I couldn't go to my friends as we were on holiday, which was probably a good thing as it was soon after our second BFN. They went for afternoon tea and I had my own afternoon tea on holiday and sent her a picture of my cake.

  • Thank you for all your comments, it's helped me no end xxx

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