Early Days

Hi, all i'm new to this and suppose i'm just looking to get some of what goes around in my head day and night out in the open! I am 40 in 2 weeks and I had a MC Jan 2014 at 11 weeks. We've only been trying again for 7 months but all the guidelines advise to see GP earlier if over 35. So I made appt about 4 weeks ago and had a terrible time with GP. She basically said you've been pregnant before so it will happen again, go away and chill out!! I was so upset!! It was only when I asked her about going Private that she begrudgingly agreed to doing my bloods, and said she would 'take the flack' for it! I was so upset that I have since seen another GP who has been more helpful but has also confirmed what I have found from scouring the net, that there is no help available to me on the NHS locally (North Devon) now due to my age and has therefore told me not to delay if we are going to go private.So now i'm trying to decide which clinic to go to which is another minefield.

Having a baby has totally consumed me, I am in a job i'm not enjoying just because their maternity care is good, and generally feel like i'm in limbo - not wanting to book next years holiday, not wanting to buy new clothes - 'just in case'! And I feel so low at 'that' time every month. My partner is being so supportive but it's getting to the point that i'm surprised he hasn't left me!

I see my GP again next week for results of all preliminary tests,including partners Sperm analysis which is 'normal', and then will be looking to be referred to a specialist, with very mixed feelings about that too. H I'm beginning to think my GP just wants to get me off their hands as quickly as possible as I have said we're prepared to go private, and am not sure whether there is anything else I should be asking them to do first. It's such a difficult time and all so confusing! xxx

16 Replies

  • Hi JLA247,

    It must be a really upsetting time when your GP has been dismissive and sounds like they haven't given you mush information to go on. I've found the helpsheets on this website are really useful reading on all aspects of fertility and IVF etc. I'm also turning 40 next month, although I luckily managed to get my name on the waiting list a few months before I turned 38. Little did we realise it would be another two years before we got to do our first cycle of IVF, which is currently underway. If I'd known the wait on the NHS would be so long I would have gone private last year. So imo going private may well be the better option anyway, at least you will get treatment sooner.

    Getting tests done to establish if there are any problems will set your mind at ease, sounds like there might not be any physical problems that you know of so far. But you can only make a choice once you have all the information on your health.

    There are a few things that can be done to enhance fertility naturally which there is lots of written information and books on, such as Zita West's books.

    Personally I have found going for acupuncture has helped me feel more in balance while I'm going through this process, but everyone is different.

    I think you can still request fertility counselling via the NHS, ask your new doctor to refer you.

    It is a shock to be told you're "too Old" for things, I never felt too old before. When I first went to doc at 37 it seemed weird to me that he was saying -0h you must hurry to get on the list before you turn 38. We had an established male infertility issue so luckily already knew what the issue was and that it would have to be ICSI.

    Wishing you all the best in your journey. Take time out to relax and clear your head.


  • Thank you so much. Although very sad, it's very nice, and re-assuring to know that other people understand. I'm often feeling that i'm 'losing the plot'!!

    So far all of our tests are normal but I have this underlying fear that something may have happened following my MC and ERPC and am keen to have the further tests to check. Even if I were to try the NHS route the waiting time here is 4-5 months which could be time completely lost hence going private and hopefully getting more information and answers.

    It's a little daunting though - going into the unknown, but i've also started relaxing a little bit too as I feel that at least we're doing something about it.

    I agree that there is some excellent advice on this site and i'm so glad I found it - it has already answered so many questions. And has helped me (I think) in selecting the clinic I want to go to - which is going to be a 265 mile round trip!

    x x x

  • Hello jls247 x I know how you feel about being in a job you don't particularly like and being in limbo. I've been trying for 3 years and I got really worked up about ivf and not saying yes to social activities just in case etc. In the end my boss turned round to me and just said book it all in, do what you like and cancel things if needed . Really simple advice from her but made me relax a bit more. Plus I have found looking forward to things takes my mind off stuff. Every month is sad when you get your period it's like a mini bereavement lol x I know I shouldn't describe it like that but it's how I feel every month, so you aren't on your own. I do sometimes wonder what I thought of before he he x it's the biggest roller coaster I've ever been on emotionally x if you have the money maybe you should go private if the list is too long. Don't be put off by your doctor she prob had a bad day and was jealous of your loving relationship and the journey you are heading on! X stay positive and happy when you can and when you can't log on here for comfort. Women hey! We definitely get the raw deal wish I just had to produce a sample😂😂 x

  • Awww thank you so much for your kind and re-assuring words xx

  • It's horrible when people are so dismissive - honestly, nobody will understand what this is like who hasn't been through it. It's so hard not to be consumed by it, but one thing I will say about this experience is that it forces you to re-evaluate every aspect of your life and happiness. I too stayed in a job for the maternity leave until it all just became too much and I had to leave anyway. You need to give yourself a break, as hard as that is - none of this is your fault.

    I agree with what others have said about enhancing fertility naturally, there's so much that can be done. I have to say I highly recommend acupuncture from my own experience of it, I don't know how but it's really made some profound changes. Also the woman who I go to is so lovely, she's almost doubled up as a counsellor to me too! That support can make all the difference.

    Also I'd like to recommend a book that has really helped change my perspective on things. It's called The Language of Fertility and it explores the mind-body connection and how our own attitudes as well as the wider narratives in society surrounding fertility affect us. It was written a while back but definitely worth a read as it challenges some of the negativity out there.

    Wishing you all the best x

  • Thank you for the book recommendation, I have read a couple which have helped a little but will take a look at this one. And i've heard a lot about acupuncture so may look into that too -i'm not sure whether i'm brave enough though! x

  • See how your preliminary investigations go. Our local clinic basically wrote me off. I was 41 with low AMH and high FSH and the sent me packing with coping with infertility website address. Did some digging got great advice off fertilityfriends.co.uk and a fb page and opted for ivf with donor eggs abroad in Prague. Cost £5k including flights and accommodation for week. Had success first attempt and became first time mum at almost 43 x

  • P's ivf with own eggs and icsi only about £1500 in Prague. Check out Gennet they were fab

  • If you are in North Devon I would really consider going to the Derriford in Plymouth. I had my surgeries and IVF there and they are fantastic! Also they are NHS but take private patients so it is a little cheaper. You can see the consultant (Mr. Acharya) at the Nuffield which is next door to the Derriford for 70 quid. He is really really good and also does his absolute best to keep costs down for you if you are paying.

  • Also I am sure if you speak to them they will send you a list of the tests that your GP needs to do for your referral!


  • Thank you - this is whats so confusing. My GP basically told me I had 3 options - Exeter, Bristol or Cardiff but when i've looked at the HFEA websites there are lots listed. I've read lots of advice about choosing a clinic - looking at success rates, the quality of the website could be an indication of the quality of service etc etc. My partner is Welsh and we spend a lot of time in South Wales so i'm leaning towards the London Womens Clinic in Cardiff at the moment.

  • I have a friend that had good experiences at Cardiff actually...

  • Thanks Katrina13, good to know :)

  • Quality of the website just shows how much money they have, not the quality of service, incidentally! How you get on with the doctors and nurses is more important than the published success rates in my view.. go and visit and have a look around, your gut feeling will tell you more than any statistics!

  • I'm doing that. Although as I have no choice but to pay I would rather be in comfortable surroundings rather than my local hospital ward. And looking at websites that have pages which say 'no information available' says to me they just can't be bothered.

  • I paid at an NHS clinic. It was very 'no frills' but the treatment I had was absolutely outstanding (and I am now 38 weeks pregnant!!).

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