Broke down in work :-(

Well today in work my false face slipped and uncontrolable tears flowed! I grabbed a trusted colleague into the ladies with me and told her all between sobs, the clomid the awful downs I have and the pending 1st round of ivf. She was lovely and so understanding. She told me to stay put in ladies and she would go speak to my bosses and tell them I had to leave and the reason why. It wasnt exactly how I wanted my bosses to find out, i had wanted to do it myself but today I was in no fit state to do it! So thats it, and I feel like an idiot. I guess the weight of this whole situation has finally beat me and i am not as strong as I thought I was. To make matters worse a friend of ours announced a pregnancy, its her first at 42. She fell pregnant naturally, she wasnt even trying and thought it was a kidney infection at first until the dr did a scan and discovered she was 8 wks gone. This news hit me like a hammer. I hate myself for feeling so jealous and hard done by! Anyway, today has not been a great day at all! Thank god I have here to off load xx

12 Replies

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  • So many hugs being sent your way. You're very brave to get this far without telling work. I had a year of investigations then clomid before my first round of IVF...and I broke down to my old marketing director during the 2nd wk of injections. This truly is one hell of an emotional roller coaster we're on. Wishing you every it of luck x

  • My thoughts and wishes are with u..

    Don't worry and sress urself with what happened, let it go. This is a very difficult journey and u are trying hard to hold things together. So be strong, positive and take one thing at a time. You are not alone. trust me, we all go through similar phases,atleast i have..so just think of urself n remain positive.

  • It's such a difficult time, I know how you feel, so far I've managed to not tell work but have my laparoscopy in over a weeks time and don't know what to tell my boss! My partner reckons I should just tell them for support but I work in a big team where there is no confidentiality and you know people gossip! I feel such a failure for leaving things too late I'm 39 & have no children. All I hear everyday is "so when are you going to have a baby you'd make such a lovely mum and you're 40 next time is ticking on!" The friends that do know are excited for me as they think it's going to work when it might not and can't understand why I'm not over the moon about it. Mum is already talking about how much she is looking forward to babysitting! I'm so pleased I have this chance but frightened to be too positive in case there is no baby at the end. I bet you feel like some weight has been lifted off your shoulders by telling work and it sounds like you have support there. People have no idea what this journey entails but just think how much stronger we will be at the end. X

  • Gosh willow that could have been me that wrote that post!

    I've told work just a select few (small office awayw) but when IVF starts in going to send an email explaining to everyone and ask them not to talk to me about it unless I start to talk about it! I work with my best friend (a gay chap who I stuck to like glue as never baby talk on his behalf! So much easier!) but I will ask work to ask him how I'm doing etc

    Might sound a bit odd way of doing it but my worry is talking about it and getting upset so this will take that pressure off x

  • Big hugs, it is difficult whichever stage you are at, this group makes me feel normal. its so hard to keep that strong face on at work when all you want to do is hide and cry! I had a meeting a few weeks ago with two of my managers (men), closed the door and burst in to tears, I was supposed to be at the hospital that day and they called me to cancel. Felt so embarrassed as it was one of those crys that kept coming!! It isn't going to be easy, if you need to cry then cry! And that awful feeling in your stomach when another person announces there pregnant is just horrible 😞 good luck with everything 😘 xx

  • Hello. I feel for you. I'm glad you have finally told someone at work. Will help. Also please don't say your strong. You are strong. Just in a very tough situation. And so it's understandable. Take care sweetie. Xxx

  • It's understandable you feel vulnerable now that the news is out but I'll bet you your bosses are thinking just how strong you are right now. This is a really, really hard thing to be going through. It's definitely better that they know, at least now you can focus on the treatment and not feel worried about explaining absences for hospital visits etc. As for that hammer to the stomach when yet another person announces they're pregnant, I'm with you 100% there! At least with this forum we know there are others in the same position xxx

  • Thank you to each of you for replying and the support you have given. It really does help knowing that we are all in the same boat going through the same emotions. I feel mixed about my bosses knowing (they are both men) as I did want to tell them personally. Work will be interesting tomorrow when I have to face them and have the chat about everything. I know they will be understanding. Thanks again ladies for the support and kind words, i really do appreciate it xx

  • I've often found that men are a lot more understanding in a professional capacity with all of this than women are. Men won't usually ask awkward questions and just accept what is happening on a far more simple/practical level. I think they're also terrified of saying the wrong thing so keep their mouths shut!! Just remember if you've been on Clomid then that might still be effecting you and your ability to handle stress calmly. I found IVF a lot easier to cope with than Clomid- the injections aren't fun but the drugs didn't turn me into a raging, sobbing mess (I was not pretty on Clomid) and because I was being monitored by the fertility clinic I felt more supported. It's still huge and emotional, but IVF might not be as bad as you think. Good luck- you can do this! Xx

  • Thank you! I didnt go into work today as still feeling a bit fragile. I rang and spoke to one of my bosses and he was brilliant and genuinely concerned and asked lots of questions (nothing too prying though) I feel a huge relief now that I have spoken to him and know that my work will be supportive! I dont want to put anyone off clomid as it does what its meant to do but boy have I found the side effects hard to cope with, like you said the IVF drugs may not seem as bad in comparison! What an experience this whole journey is!! x

  • I'm glad your colleague was understanding and made the decision for you that you needed to go home. I told my boss everything and 3 of my colleagues know our entire story and the others know the basics and they've all been supportive. My work have said that I can have additional time for hospital appointments over and above the company policy. Quite a few of my colleagues had to have some kind of fertility help but not ICSI/IVF. People have said I'm brave but I don't feel brave most of the time!

    You are stronger than you think, fertility treatment is really hard and the emotional experience is particularly tough.

    Our friend has just had a baby, she got pregnant as we were told we needed ICSI, I'm really pleased for her and baby arrived very recently but have struggled with my feelings like you.

    Good luck, take care of yourself and your other half.

  • Be strong! we all have to be to go throught all this! Nobody knows at my work as well and I don't know how long I can keep the secret. Many colegues have had babies and I always wondered why not me? I was living with a couple and when she was pregnant we moved from that house just because I couldn't take it anymore! I don't think you are jealous on them you are just upset it doesn't happend to you. Life it is not always fair but we have to keep hoping and try all the posibilities we have. good luck with everything!

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