Back to work on Monday 😫

[PurpleLove19]

So after a much needed two weeks off work for the Easter break 🐣 I am due back in work on Monday for a short term of 4 weeks.

I was hoping to go in my bosses office and give her my plan of IVF but it looks like another 4 weeks of gritting my teeth and fake smiles all round until we get our next lot of tests sent through.

I suppose I’m looking forward to routine and a distraction but my fuse is getting shorter the longer this wait goes on. I’m just getting very impatient.

Relationships are starting to suffer at work due to how I have started to isolate myself from the staff room and then not knowing what to say I suppose.

I suppose you find out who your real friends are at times like these. This time last year I was planning our wedding and people are on you like a rash waiting for an invite.

I said to my husband last night, the first year you are married should be exciting but it’s been the worst time of my life.

I’m hoping the next 12 months will be different.

Anyone else find relationships have suffered ?

Is work challenging ?

x

[Hidden]

I am back at work this week after two weeks off recovering from my operation. Literally dreading it.

I also feel exactly the same: isolated, can’t concentrate, detached from everyone. I prefer to have my lunch break alone. Can’t deal with small talk.

The woman who sits next to me has tiny white baby shoes on her desk and pictures of her beautiful children everywhere. It is crippling.

This has also been one of the of worst years of my life too (only comparable to grief over losing a family member.)

My relationships have definitely suffered (I have had to cut some not so close friends off who have just given birth) because I can’t cope. I used to feel guilty, but I don’t anymore.

I think you just need to be completely selfish at the moment. Not care what anyone else is thinking, or how they are reacting, and just put yourself first, always.

I think you do know who your real friends are, and that is a good thing. But I also think no one really understands how traumatic it is, unless they have been through it. That’s why forums and support groups are so important.

Good luck on Monday. You can do it!!! Xx

[PurpleLove19 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you hun.

I sit away from the staffroom and a couple of close friends come and join me as they know what I’m going through. It’s the only way- the conversations are easy if they are work related but the second the move from that to small talk it becomes a chore.

Sorry to hear about your loss and I hope work goes okay for you too.

I’m trying find all excuses not to go in but I think I do that every Sunday night 😂.

xx

[Hidden in reply to PurpleLove19]

Ha ha! Me too

Great that you have some close friends there. Open up when you can to people you really trust x

[S_asha]

I think the exact same- I avoid the staff room as the conversation always turns to babies and rightly or wrongly it upsets me! It's also hard that everyone knows there is something going on even if you're not close with them due to so many absences that you can't hide. And worst- people think I'm pregnant because apparently there's no other reason to possibly be off during the day..... I've not started ivf - am still having a lot of the testing but hoping to hear soon. Then it will be a lot of time off. Are you a teacher? Sounds like you are maybe? - I am- lucky that my boss is being really really understanding. Best of luck to you and hope you hear really soon xx

[PurpleLove19 in reply to S_asha]

Yeah it’s the same at my school, lots of new grandchildren being born and so on.

A lot of people know what’s wrong and don’t question why I don’t go and eat with them. They would ask questions anyway as I was the life and soul of the staffroom so I was just open to them. Everyone is really nice but you can tell they don’t quite get it as you get the cliche quotes that you don’t need to hear or they know a success story to tell you to try and ease your mind. They mean well.

My boss- well she never refuses my appointments but never asks anything and treats me like I’m absolutely fine- which stresses me out at times.

Good luck with your tests- have you any clue to what the problems may be? X

[S_asha in reply to PurpleLove19]

The cliche comments!!! You are so right. The whole 'don't worry it will be fine in the end' and my head told me to relax. I know they mean well..... but wow. my husband is all fine but they think I'm not ovulating and egg quality not great...or that's what tests have suggested so far so I'm off for the follicle scans next week. I'm hoping it might be fixable with drugs and still have hope at this point. Was late in yesterday due to blood tests again.

What do you say to staff that point blank ask you where you were? Some people I have told- my friends, an edited version in parts anyway but I didn't exactly feel like going into it on the corridor... xx

[Kitcat12]

Working in a school is so hard when you're going through treatment! I had colleagues getting angry that I was constantly in and out, having time off to travel for scans and procedures. And because it's a sensitive subject, I didn't want to share what I was going through with every single person at school so they had no idea why I kept disappearing or why I had to take a month off after I miscarried. I never go in the staff room anymore as the atmosphere towards me is just so tense. I'm back tomorrow as well but have to take Thursday morning off to go for day 11 scan for our upcoming FET. Luckily my head teacher is incredibly supportive and understanding with time off! I feel for all you ladies going through this, and a little extra sympathy for my fellow teachers and school workers ❤️

[PurpleLove19 in reply to Kitcat12]

It sure is hard- the kids are demanding, the parents are and your bosses.

I don’t think the people that cover my class whilst I go out would dare moan and they are fine with helping me. They know what I’m going through and I always leave them nice things to do with the kids and my classroom is so organised so it eases it slightly for them.

I hope all goes well for you this week and don’t feel guilty just do what’s right for you x

[Kitcat12 in reply to PurpleLove19]

Thank you, I know you're right but sometimes putting yourself first is the hardest thing to do!

[Happyonholiday]

Good to hear some teachers' experiences here. I'm a HoD and a member of my team left suddenly over the Easter break so work is super hectic ATM. I'm just starting my ivf journey - had most test etc done now, just waiting on the results. I'm hoping to start next cycle. I haven't told anyone at work yet and don't really want to. My situation is probably different to lots as I'm single and using donor sperm and although I don't really care if people judge me, I don't want them to know what's going on unless things work out for me.

I can already feel myself isolating myself a bit. I keep finding myself staring into middle distance in the staffroom. I'm struggling to keep up with chit-chat and to pretend I care about any of it. I think colleagues just think I'm stressed as I'm doing all this extra work at the moment but I'm finding it hard to motivate myself. To top it all off, I found out today that we are going to have a whole school review (mock Ofsted) which will land right in the middle of my meds (providing all my results come back clear). Not sure I'll be able to cope with that!

[S_asha in reply to Happyonholiday]

That's awful!! Can you speak to your head teacher about not being seen?? The best of luck to you. No one has the right to judge you but I know what you mean- you want a private life from the students!! It's right in year 11 time at the moment. I'm just trying to concentrate on that and not drop the ball there the best I can and some other little things I've had to let go xx lots and lots of luck to you xx

[Starsandsunbeams]

Fellow teacher here 👋 Going back today was tough! And I came on with a headache at around 3pm, again at 6pm and at 9pm. I can only presume it links to Buserelin as I got headaches at this point on my last cycle. Doesn't bode well with a class full of 5/6 year olds!! 😂 I totally get where you're coming from with the isolating bit. I seem to be spending more time searching for quiet now whereas in the past I'd search for the 'buzz'. When I was going through my first fresh cycle a couple of months back, I'd go out for walks at lunchtime which really helped. Would just tell people I was popping up the shop etc! I'm now prepping for our first FET. A short half term is welcome! I find work a welcome distraction when the children are in. The hardest thing is the time out of the classroom for appointments. Hate asking for cover, even though my head and line manager are really supportive. But, needs must and I just have to do it. Never had a day off sick in 12 years, so making up for it now 🤣 All the best xx

[S_asha in reply to Starsandsunbeams]

I've found I've started spending my lunchtime in my classroom with some students who come along to revise. It keeps me sane and gets rid of the time in the day when I might want to just go and stare at a wall and cry 🤦🏼‍♀️. Good luck to you. Do you mind if I ask what's Buserelin for? And massive respect to all you primary teachers!! I'm secondary and have no idea how you do it!! Xx

[Starsandsunbeams in reply to S_asha]

Buserelin is for down regulation- switching my ovaries off before the start the next round of meds. On my full cycle, I had Buserelin, then Menopur injections to stimulate my ovaries and then progesterone pessaries. This time, as it's a frozen embryo transfer, I take Buserelin, but then Estrogen tablets to thicken my lining and then will take progesterone pessaries as before. Xx

[Happyonholiday in reply to Starsandsunbeams]

Went out for a walk at lunch today. Made a big difference. Lovely sunny day and no need to make small talk Thanks for the tip