IVF and work

[Bubunoto]

Hi Ladies

I can't stop worrying about my job during this whole process. When i first spoke to my manager last year she was ok with me taking sick days when i needed to attend appointments and scans. Let me mention that i always have my work phone with me and I constantly work from everywhere- sick days, appointments, holidays. Even when i go abroad. She was ok with it until today. I am off since last Thurs when i had my transfer. I went back to work yesterday but only worked half a day because i was feeling sick. I found a cover (always have to find a cover when i am away) which we have to pay for on top of my sick days pay. Today i told her i am staying home because i still don't feel well and she told me to stop working and to not check my emails- to just forward all emails to her since i am at home. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing? Maybe she is having enough of me being off work? Maybe she regretted she agreed to give me days off and now she is stuck looking for ways to get rid of me? I am being paranoid at all times and i really worry about it. Am i overthinking it? I am aware i am considered "pregnant" during the 2ww and i got different rights but i am scared she might do something. Not for the sick days now (during the 2ww) but the ones from before- before, during and after eggs retrieval.

Any advices please? I do not want to worry about that right now because i am trying to stay calm and to relax but there is always something bad happening now a days. On the day of the transfer i came back home to find a letter from the council- complain from a neighbour because of our dog barking while alone. I am still having to deal with this and i just cant get a break. It seems like everything i worry about just happens. And it never ends! Its one after another...

Today is day 5 of my transfer and i am still feeling like s..t, i am not planning on going back to work tomorrow. I want to give my embryo the best chance of surviving but i constantly stress about things and i have the feeling i will get the biggest BFN on Tues next week.

Help please!

[Bosa19]

Sounds like you're going through a terrible time, so sending you lots of love and hugs. I was chatting to one of the nurses in my clinic the other day saying how nice my boss has been and I asked her how it was for people that are having a hard time with their boss. She said just to get a doctor's letter and get put on sick leave.

Hopefully though your boss is just trying to help you out with the emails. It's such a difficult time that I hope she'll not add on the stress.

Good luck on the last days of your TWW, (I'm there as well but only on day 3, fleehh)

All the best xx

[Bubunoto in reply to Bosa19]

Thank you, Bosa. My life has always been colourful. But it is what it is. When is your test date?

[ttcemmie]

Hi lovely. It is hard not to worry about work and the impact this is all having on our jobs, but it sounds like your boss is genuinely trying to help you out! I always try and work from home when i'm feeling unwell (because of the guilt and actually wanting to do a good job, I guess), but a previous boss has told me if you're sick then rest! This boss is not so great; however, and has been quite unsupportive about me taking sick leave, but I've had to think - screw him, this has to come first. They can't get rid of you for being off on IVF! Especially not in the 2ww as you are considered pregnant. It's a lot of stress to deal with all at once, but if you need time to recover, then that is completely fine. Also, just to say, the stress may be impacting you (obviously) but should not have an impact on your embryo implanting or not. Unfortunately/fortunately, that bit is completely down to your embie. Lots of love xxxx

[Bubunoto in reply to ttcemmie]

Thank u so much for the kind words, Emmie ❤️ I hope things are well with you?

[ttcemmie in reply to Bubunoto]

Good thanks.

[Hidden]

Sorry you are having such a rough time. If it’s any help when I read your message it sounded to me like your boss is trying to help you forget about work and just concentrate on yourself by suggesting you forward emails... I didn’t read that as a negative thing at all. Really hope you are feeling better soon xx

[Bubunoto in reply to Hidden]

I really hope so! I am sure she checked how things are with HR before proceeding so hopefully everything will be all right.

[CLDxxx in reply to Bubunoto]

I agree with Daisy. I read it as your boss wants you to put work aside and focus on getting better. My boss has said exactly the same to me when I’ve offered to work from home before when I’ve been unwell and I’d say the same to my colleague too.

Try not to worry lovely 😊 xxx

[RhinoCat in reply to CLDxxx]

I read it this way too

[Lots8788 in reply to RhinoCat]

I read it this way too. Good luck and here's hoping for a BFP xx

[PurpleLove19]

I’m in a similar position- not been at my new job for very long, they took me on knowing my situation with IVF and my boss asked if I was having time off to rest in the TWW as she’s had employees that have had time off from egg collection to test date. I think I am trying to do my best to be in to please them but deep down I know id feel happier and safer in my little bubble at home doing what makes me happy and work from home when I need to x

[Bubunoto in reply to PurpleLove19]

Well at least you are always there, thats a good thing. They can’t tell you anything plus they knew what was happening and still hired you. I pretty sure they like you. Good luck! When is your test date?

[Hidden]

Hi, sorry to hear you are having a rough time. Maybe your manager is trying to help you out. If you are really worried, it might be worth calling her to clear the air. Best of luck with your cycle!

[Bubunoto in reply to Hidden]

I really hope so. Im praying she understands because i feel quite guilty for taking time off ao often... thank you 🙏🏻

[cggregory]

Hi love, just to say that you are legally considered pregnant during the 2ww and have specific protection from unfavourable treatment at work. More info on your legal rights here: workingfamilies.org.uk/arti...

[cggregory in reply to cggregory]

I just re-read your post and saw that you already knew about your 2ww rights. Sorry for not reading very carefully, and sorry you’re under so much stress! I have a dog with separation anxiety, too, and it is so hard. Are you able to work from home in your job? If so, you can put in a flexible working request. Your company isn’t obligated to accept it, but if they decline it, they would have to give a legitimate business reason why it wouldn’t work. Sending love ❤️

[Bubunoto in reply to cggregory]

Hey CG, unfortunately i can’t work from home, i have to be physically there. I sent an email to my boss earlier apologising for having to be absent again and proposed to take unpaid leave instead of sick leave. Also, i explained how i feel and proposed to bring doctor’s note. I was trying to show her i am really unwell and its not about the money or anything else. She said to not worry about it and to not do anything. And of course, as usual cuz stress should never end, a few hours before we spoke i received a notification from HR about my yearly appraisal coming up😫😫😫 i can only imagine what our conversation is going to be like...

[cggregory in reply to Bubunoto]

Oh, I’m so sorry. That’s a really tough situation. I hope you can find at least a little comfort in the fact that you have a lot of people cheering for you here. Sending love ❤️

[Bubunoto]

Thank you for your kind words, 2faith. Was your try successful?

[KayCan]

You sound like a really conscientious person but from what you've said I think it just sounds like she wants you to take it easy whilst at home and not stress about work. Managers do have a duty of care and they have to make reasonable adjustments for you. It is difficult because you feel vulnerable but you have to think if PUPO turns out to be positive then you will need to think about when you go off on maternity etc.... it's a really difficult mindset to get into, and I was similar to you and worrying if my boss would find an excuse to get rid of me with the time I took off for treatment but as time has gone on my priorities have changed, and I'm due to go on maternity leave next week! It is a short space of time in your whole career, so you have to be selfish just this once xx

[Bubunoto]

Hey Kay, very well said, thank u. And congrats!!! Your will be hugging your little treasure very soon ❤️

[KayCan in reply to Bubunoto]

Thank you, I'm excited.... and a wee bit scared!!!

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you xx

[MrsH17]

Hey Bubunoto,

I honestly would not worry.

I am a very supportive manager and I would be there 100% for anyone in my practice that needs time off for your situation. If I am honest I would maybe also say just rest and send all to me so that you can rest properly not worrying about work, ensure that I am legally allowing you the time off your entitled too stress free, also I would just want to get on with the things that need doing without having to communicate with someone who should be off.

Also, in my own experience having large responsibility and going through IVF 3 times I have had the time off I needed and took the rest I need so that I can look back with no regrets. This is something for you and you have to think about yourself. You work to live not live to work.

Good luck with your two week wait xxx

[Bubunoto in reply to MrsH17]

Thank you for the encouraging words, MrsH ❤️ I would love to work for you. The world would be such a better place if all bosses were understanding and supportive like u. Hope things worked out for u! ❤️🌺