Feeling low

I just can't shake it this week. I've cried everyday πŸ˜₯

It's my birthday tomorrow and it's just a reminder of what I've lost. This is not where I thought I would be. πŸ’”

My journey is on hold as I await major surgery for endometriosis in July. Everything is such a long wait and tomorrow just reminds me that time is not on my side (I'm 38) πŸ˜”

I'm trying not to show how I feel as family and friends are being supportive and encouraging but I just needed to say it to someone and I know you'll understand.

Thank you for listening x

13 Replies

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  • Sometimes you just need to vent your anger and frustration, and it's good to talk it out, better out than in right!! You have plenty of time left to fulfill your dream, don't be to hard on yourself, listen to me at 45 and still trying, sometimes things just don't happen at the time we want it to, but it will soon enough, try enjoy ur birthday, lift the head up you will get there xxβ€πŸŒˆπŸ’‹

  • Thank you x

  • Honey! I haven't acknowledged my birthday for the last 3 years. I know exactly the dread you feel as another year ticks by. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. It's so hard because you feel guilty as well. Guilty because others want to celebrate with you, guilty because you feel you should be able to look forward to a new year and be thankful for the one you've just had and guilty because you question whether you should have made decisions earlier in life. The only thing I can tell you that has helped me is that I have now come to terms with not having a family of our own. Whilst that sounds like I've given up, I've not but I'm just at peace that being a mum might not happen for me. If people do ask me about children I just say that it's not worked out for us. I find by shooting down expectations from others I have fewer expectations of my own. I don't know if that helps at all. Do pm me if you need to just get things off of your chest. Sending you a big hug. xxx

  • Thank you for understanding how I'm feeling x

    Fear is a massive part of me for so many reasons at the moment. I'm trying to take it one day at a time but feel tomorrow is just such a massive reminder and I just want to let it go by. πŸ˜•

  • Then let it. You must choose to do with it what you want. I like to let mine slip by. In fact, I genuinely forgot how old I was last year! I know it's really hard when you're frightened something won't happen. I've had a number of huge disappointments in life and infertility is one of them. What I've learned is that life does go on. It might not be the life you had hoped for but you wake up each day and need to live the life you do have. There will be good times in this life even if you can't see them right now. xxx

  • ❀️

  • Birthdays are rotten that way, especially as we get older. The regrets and fears seem magnified and it's enough to put even a Pollyanna into a maudlin frame of mind!

    You are not old and there is every chance to see your dream fulfilled in the coming years. Your surgery, though scary, is proactive proof of your commitment to that dream, another step in the right direction. We are often given unexpected lives, not always the ones we want, but I bet you are the whole world to the people that care about you and for tomorrow just celebrate that. Sending hugs xxx

  • Thank you ❀️

  • Birthdays are d last thing I really want to be reminded of. Every year I would b super excited atleast a month before my birthday. Now I just dread them. And for my friends it's not there Birthdays anymore it's their kids birthdays which I avoid . For me Birthday are nightmares. I have not celebrated one since last 2 years. I just want to be tucked away and not bothered apart from my parents and some near ones whom I don't want to hurt. On this anniversary we made a decade and we always promised ourselves we would celebrate big time if we make a decade. But I was going through surgery to remove a cyst bcoz of ivf injection. Pm me should u need a year . It's hard and we understand. Sometimes crying does help in healing and then moving on I guess

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  • Sending you hugs...i hope your day wasn't to bad...I understand how you feel i am 36 and having surgery in july for servre endometriosis am feeling very low am having a full hysterectomy my only option now it's so hard as really would of liked another child I'm to young it's unfair...i hope all goes well for you xx

  • Thank you and you x

  • Birthdays are really hard when you're ttc. Just try to remember that infertility is a rollercoaster and you won't feel as down as this every day. I hope you start to feel brighter soon xx

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