Is it normal to feel like you need to avoid certain social situations when you're going through TTC?
I have a group of girl friends, most of which I've known for years there's a night out coming up and 2 of them have just announced they're pregnant so I just don't want to go..it's the first get together since they announced so they'll all be giddy talking about pregnancy and babies I just don't think I can cope..
We had our 2nd failed ICSI cycle a couple of months ago, have been trying for over 4 years I haven't really felt like this before and I don't think theyll understand
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rainbowbreeze80
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Oh yes I can totally relate to this. I'm exactly the same. I'm avoiding certain social situations and girly get togethers where friends will just moan about their kids. I have a friend who didn't even mention trying for a baby until I told her about my situation then all of a sudden she's pregnant (hadn't even been with her bf for long). I can't sit there and listen to her talking about scans and how the baby will be here for Xmas. I'd rather hide myself away and make my excuses. Sounds sad I know but this journey is hard enough without having it all rubbed in my face. People make out they understand but they genuinely don't. My first try at ivf failed just a couple of weeks ago 😭
Keep your chin up & stay strong & positive. Do what makes you happy ☺ x x
Noodles, I think I would find the comment about the baby being here for Christmas really tough to take. We all want our babies for Christmas. It's hard when they don't arrive x
I work In a school so every day it's in my face. I suppose I could leave my job but I love it.
I don't know for sure if I'll ever be able to have children but as it stands the outlook is bleak. I'm not sure how Im meant to deal with all the sadness, anger and pain inside me. The longing overwhelms me on a daily basis and it seems no matter what I'm doing (reading, watching TV, walking In town or just browsing FaFacebook) there are babies being thrown at me. I feel guilty for not going out but I just can't cope atm. Maybe I need to be selfish to get to grips with myself first?
I don't think there's an answer because my friends, family and strangers will never understand the pain
Hello Mrs Currie, sorry to nosey in. I hope you don't mind. It just sounds like you're having a tough time emotionally. I'm not sure if you've been to see a counsellor or not but this is something that I did towards the end of last year when I was at my lowest point. I had a number of sessions over several months but it has really helped. I feel much calmer and more relaxed and actually quite positive about the future. Don't get me wrong, I still have my wobbles, but overall I am in a much much better place! x
Hi im also the same i just carnt deal. With being around friends right now, its got to the point they know im making excuses, a couple of yrs ago we'd all meet up twice a week now if they see me twice a yr they'd be lucky....i now feel like its not doing me any good as my hubby still manages to live a great social life and im slowly losing contact with all my friends and family, i feel quite content if hes around but if he leaves out and enjoys himself i get quite upset that ive let myself get to this...but its a catch 22 because if i go anywhere its children or baby talk and i find that even more upseting....i have to agree people that havent had to go through such heartache just can not understand no matter how much they try...only thing we can do is try find ways to deal with it x
Have you tried explaining to perhaps one close friend how you feel? I said to one friend of mine how did she fancy meeting for lunch, and could we have a pact as I was sure she would probably enjoy a baby talk free couple of hours, and I struggled with baby talk anyway due to my situation. We met up and it was great!
Hi sounds like a good idea i think ill give it a go once the big get together is out the way this weekend, im sure my closest friend will be up for it, i never thought to have a one on one before now because we've always met up as a group thanks for the tip x
Hiya Rainbowbreeze80, you've hit the same stage I did after 4 years (ttc) and 3 lots of IUI and my 1st round of IVF. One time I found myself tearing up a Birth Announcement card that came through the post! Not talking or explaining to my friends and family about my unexplained infertility; I put it down to 'self preservation' which is very important part of this journey to consider. Easier said than done but pls try not to beat yourself up about it. I've previously spoken to my clinic's nurses and consultant - they say this is not unusual to diplomatically step back from some social events. We need to look after ourselves too. It's a tricky balance as to how much to let friends and family into this very sensitive journey. I initially got it wrong as I shut everyone (except hubby) out. After 8 years of ttc I've since gained a little more strength + I've had some counselling. This forum is a great place to ask questions and vent too. I've found the support invaluable. I wish you every bit of luck. Lots of positive vibes being sent your way x
Thanks for your replies, it's tough when I used to be the one who never missed a night out. I always thought I'd be forced to change when our baby came along not through this nightmare..
MrsCurrie I agree it's overwhelming and I find it hard to cope day to day with all these feelings. You must find it tough working in a school
I think I'll have to pick and choose what I can cope with for now and just hope everybody tries to understand but not be too hard on myself about it
Good luck to everyone and I'm so glad we have this forum for support xx
Hi rainbowbreeze80, it's completely understandable to want to avoid certain social situations. And this sounds like it could be tough as with two pregnant ladies I expect their will be lots of pregnancy/baby chat. I pulled out of a lunch with 3 friends last summer as two were 8 months pregnant and, at the time it was just too much to take. Don't be harsh on yourself or feel guilty if you don't go. Do something nice with your other half instead. If you've been friends for years there will be plenty of other catch ups when you're feeling up to it.
I've done the same. Luckily I have one friend in my social group who is not married or pregnant yet and she drags me out and makes sure I'm included when gatherings are organised. I've been very frank with my friends and they do keep the baby chat to a minimum. I think a lot of them feel guilty that it has been so easy for them and they hate seeing me suffer. Having said this, even though my friends are amazing, I still withdraw. It's a way of trying to regain an element of control over the whole sorry situation.
TOTALLY normal! I actually explained to my friends that I found it very hard to be around them when they were pregnant or had babies, and that it did not mean I was not happy for them but I had to protect my own feelings at the moment. Most (except one) totally understood and were more sensitive with me from then on. x
I completely understand this. There's been a huge baby boom amongst my friends and (probably understandably) all they want to do is talk about all things pregnancy and baby. One time a "friend" kept changing every subject back to her and her forthcoming second child.
I've found this has got better as we've started to tell more friends about what is going on. Sure, it's difficult feeling everyone knows your business, but it's made people more careful and sensitive to how we might react.
I still have a huge problem with Facebook and have deleted quite a few people who aren't close friends because their incessant baby updates got me down. Still got one formerly close friend who posts pictures of her baby daily. I haven't had a chance to try to tell her what is going on and I honestly don't think it will change anything. Not sure this friendship will recover to be honest.
Long rant, but I'm feeling down today after getting my monthly disappointment!
What a wonderful supportive thread! Having been through 3 ICSI cycles before success at 46, I can relate to how you feel noodles, and you should never apologise for your feelings. No one asks to have this horrendous experience remember and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Good advice about getting some counselling just to get you over a tricky period - i wish I had. Also have you heard of EFT - I have heard great stories as to how it has helped people cope during this rollercoaster journey. There are 2 camps as to whether to tell or not, which is understandable as we're all different. I personally chose to tell family & friends, not straight away, maybe a year in & obviously some were better than others, (mostly they were supportive), and I even found out that people I knew where also going through fertility issues but they hadnt talked about it! So you never know!
We've had 2 failed ICSI cycles. I felt really sad for myself after friend announced pregnancy after our first attempt, I'm really pleased for her. When we met up she didn't talk about her pregnancy or baby unless I asked her about it or in very general terms, ie she felt tired.
I sometimes avoid social situations, especially where there are babies present, I'm ok with toddlers and older children. Even if I am there in the room I can sometimes feel myself withdrawing socially. Hubby didn't tell me some of his friends had a baby before we met up with his social group, to see him interacting with the baby broke my heart because all I could think was he'll never get to do that with our own baby. He is now aware that I found it really hard as I shared it in counselling this week.
Your pregnant friends will probably want to talk about it, but perhaps you could 'recruit' a close friend to start a different conversation or take you to the bar/loo if the baby chatter gets too much? Or someone else has already got children perhaps they could suggest a baby conversation free evening after an initial chat about being pregnant?
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