Bad timing

[ZigZag90]

Period just started so I'm feeling a bit down in the dumps anyway. I expected it to come as I'm so intune now with my PMS symptoms and was getting all the classics over the last week but I still have that little ray of hope each month just in case something might happen. I'm still being investigated so I'm still not sure whats stopping us conceiving (if there is one) and so a little hope is always there each month while we wait for all the tests and results.

So I've been feeling a bit peed off and low anyway not to mention the acne and horrible period cramps! And then my pregnant friend in our group of 10 (5 couples) puts a post in our whatsapp group to share the excitement that she's having a boy. I feel so bad for it but it's just made me feel horrible. On my low day of the month anyway and it just feels like a rub in the face. It feels like our whatsapp group at the mo is constant baby talk and we don't actually seem to talk about much else.

Now everyone is constantly messaging in response with messages of excitement. I haven't said anything yet but I don't feel like I need to in some ways. She's already announced her pregnancy and I've made my congratulations for that.

But I don't want people to think I'm being selfish but I just can't deal with it today of all days. They do all know I'm struggling but I don't want them to think bad of me.

I have muted the group (I do with most groups tbh) to save the constant buzzes from my phone.

Another thing is I've always pictured myself with baby boys (I have no idea why) so for some reason this upset me more.

I hate feeling like this. I want so bad to be happy for my friends but it's a struggle sometimes. I hate feeling like such an envious selfish person!

Rant over sorry!

[beauty1984]

I'm sorry you're feeling so low, it's such a difficult thing to be going through and not everyone understands just how hard it is. You are not being selfish at all, it's only natural to feel this way and I hope your friends will understand that.

I have 15 nieces and nephews all under the age of 10 so I'm constantly reminded that I don't have children. I love them all to pieces don't get me wrong but it's just so hard sometimes. People at work or friends on Facebook are either posting scan pictures or baby pictures and it's the hardest thing to see. I feel like I should be happy for them but I just end up feeling even more miserable which then makes me feel like an awful person but I've learnt that this is all to be expected, it's natural to feel this way and you need to do what you can to protect yourself. I have also muted my whatsapp group as it got too much I also stayed away from social media for a while.

Good luck with all your tests 🤞🏻 I hope you get answers you need xx

[ZigZag90 in reply to beauty1984]

Thank you for your response.

I recently deactivated my Facebook account for various reasons including the constant baby posts. To be honest I really don't miss it and i think it is made me think about others pregnancies less.

Can always go back to it later but for now it feels better.

It's nice to hear that it's normal to feel like this so thank you for that.

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi ZigZag90. Just wanted to wish you well with your investigations, and hope that a treatment option can soon be offered you, so that you soon get on the way to becoming pregnant yourself. It's hard going through all the emotions you are suffering, but I'm sure the others on here will support you. Thinking of you. Diane

[ZigZag90 in reply to DianeArnold]

Thank you Diane. I've already found it a great help after just a few days. It's nice to be part of a community that gets it! Thanks again.

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK in reply to ZigZag90]

That's so good to know. Diane

[NMP1026]

Hey hun

I was going to reply to your post on my thread but I've just read this. I am so sorry you are feeling rubbish. This journey is full of lows and there are also some amazing highs to be experienced.

As you replied to my post you know I reacted really badly to my brother's news. What I have been thinking of is that it's not that we are horrible or selfish we are struggling with horrible circumstances that unfortunately people just don't understand. I am not sure I understand it's all so complicated.

Please be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up. Sending a big hug xx

[ZigZag90 in reply to NMP1026]

Thank you for your reply.

You are totally right. And I do realise that it is natural feeling like I even said to you! but I think I just go through cycles of feeling bad because when I stop and think about what I'm feeling its not a nice feeling to have towards a friend. I think the problem with family and friends being pregnant is it's such a mix or emotions it's difficult to separate the happiness for them with the sadness for us I guess.

It's so lovely having responses like this as it makes me remember that it's normal to have these feelings. I also just needed a rant because it just touched a nerve after I was feeling a bit pants anyway and that is what this group is being great for. So many great listeners out there and such lovely responses.

Thank you so much and all the same things to you too. I'm hoping you are feeling better yourself!

[NMP1026]

It's all so confusing and I definitely go through cycles. I remember my best friend telling me his girlfriend was pregnant just after my OH's diagnosis. I ended up hating myself because although I was happy for him I also had feelings of resentment. I certainly didn't feel like the best friend he deserved me to be. I've slowly started to learn not to beat myself up. This forum is amazing for helping me to realise I'm not alone in my feelings. I definitely needed it at weekend.

You are definitely in the right place for a rant. You are right there's some lovely people on here.

I'm doing OK thanks hun. I hope all your investigations go well xx

[abcgirl]

I think we've all been there - me included! I feel bad and spiteful but I don't even 'like' the pictures of their babies that my friends post - o just can't right now. What I've done is unfollow people on Facebook - I still remain their friend but just don't see their posts in my feed.

[Katybetter]

Don't you dare feel bad! Do you think they feel bad before posting? Not being able to conceive for whatever reason (or no reason in my case🙄) is really emotionally hard! Don't feel bad for allowing yourself to feel the way you need to!

I feel really strongly about this since starting therapy... Has a person ever said 'feel' this much in one post!?!?

[ZigZag90 in reply to Katybetter]

Thank you for your response. So many 'feels'! 😂 but all very necessary with all these feelings we are going through.

It's really useful to be reminded that everyone on this group all feel the same way.

It's nice to be able to explain it on here and get such understanding responses and I don't want to blame my closest friends for something they can't understand.