mixed emotions

ive been feeling low in myself since i found out i cant conceive naturally and ivf is my only option i do have good and bad days ,ive been doing alot of reading about the treatment and reading everyones stories,

a couple of my friends are having babies and someone else i know has just found out shes due in october but baby wasnt planned i feel happy for them but inside keep thinking what if ivf dosent work and im never gonna have a family.

5 Replies

  • Hi Ro5ie. I think that you have to hold on to the fact that you can have IVF. Not easy to get your head around, but you do have that option. The feelings you are experiencing are quite normal, especially with so many people you know having babies around you. While you are waiting, make sure you stick to a healthy diet with plenty of fruit and veg and ensure you take your folic acid, either on its own or included in a pre-conception multi-vitamin tablet such as “Pregnacare”. Also make sure you choose how and with who you spend your time at the moment in order to minimise any distress. Remember that most people experiencing infertility do so as a couple and often feel very isolated, so apart from each other, it might be good to confide in one of your best friends perhaps, even one of those who is pregnant. She will need support going through her pregnancy, and I’m sure she will support you too as you receive treatment. There are always going to be pregnant women and babies around, we can’t alter that, but if you are finding it particularly hard at the moment, why not see if there is a support group in your area? I’m sure too, that the girls on here will support you too – they’re not a bad lot! Diane

  • I felt exactly the same hun, everywhere I looked someone else in normal & celebrity land were pregnant, before we tried I never saw any babies! 😜 IVF is a great technique to give us fertlity challenged ladies a fighting chance - it can work, keep positive & believe x

  • My best friend told me she was 13 weeks pregnant less than 2 weeks after our first round of ICSI. Like you I'm pleased for her but it was really bad timing for me having just had the negative test. She got pregnant really quickly and easily and at the same time we were being told we needed ICSI. Fortunately we were able to talk and cry about it, she really wanted our treatment to work and we are pleased she's having a baby. It is tough though, it seems almost everywhere I go there are pregnant women. I mentioned this to hubby and he said there are push chairs everywhere.

    I'm going to start some counselling and we'll see the counsellor at the clinic together. It might be worth seeing if you can access counselling via your clinic or via your GP.

    You're not alone, this forum is really supportive.

  • I've lost count of the number of times I've been told that someone is pregnant, and I've been sat there thinking - "maybe I'll be the next person to be pregnant in the office", "maybe I'll have a baby when their wedding happens", "maybe I'll be on maternity leave by the time they come back to work", "maybe I'll have a baby that can be best friends with my best friend's baby". 8 years later and not a single one of those thoughts has come true. All I can say to you is that we all know what you're going through, and sometimes it'll be really hard, and other times it'll be a bit easier. Most of my friends at work now know that I can't have children without fertility treatment, and the lovely thing about it is that they let me have extra long cuddles when babies visit the office, or they don't think twice if I go off for a walk or to make a cuppa when the conversation gets round to pregnancy and babies. Some days I find it all so hard, but other days it's a bit easier and I want to be around those discussions. Confide in a few people close to you whom you know will be sensitive and will support you.

    I don't know if this will help you, but my friend who had a baby on her 3rd IVF cycle told me that she got through it by remembering that IVF wasn't the only option for having a family, as she seriously considered adoption. I'm just starting my 1st IVF/ICSI cycle and I am so so hopeful for a baby, but my DH and I are also very willing to adopt. We have been TTC for 8 years and it's only in the last 18mo that we've started to consider adoption. We've talked about it a lot, and we have very slowly come round to it. I want IVF to work, and I am potentially willing to do 3 cycles (although we'll be completely broke by the end), but I believe I can still be a mum if I really want to. After all this time, it's something that is helping me get through the fear of IVF not working.

    I wish you lots of luck.


  • Hi Ro5ie, it is difficult to be told you need ivf. Alongside this everyone seems pregnant or has babies, and you are both happy for your friends/family but sad for yourselves. For me this has got easier over time, so I am optimistic it will for you too. Try and focus on the positive and that you have a chance with ivf. Once I started a cycle of ivf, I felt more positive as I was actively doing something. I have had some pretty bad days before this and did see a counsellor, which helped. I also think people on this forum have helped and you are not alone.

    It is important to take care of yourselves and eat well etc. Do something nice and try to have some break from fertility/ivf stuff. It can become overwhelming.

    Best of luck xx

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