Undecided

[DSan]

For all ladies going through the ivf journey who like me may have felt a lack of emotional support from their partners, I've just found this webinar by Russell Davis who is a fertility hypnotherapist and coach

youtu.be/Zz-ZGSQW53o(Not working as expected?)

Having been through 8years of secondary infertility, diagnosis of stage 4 endometriosis, 5 laparoscopies and now our 2nd failed ivf cycle, I'm nearly 42 now, I have never felt so insecure, in our 15years of marriage as I do now. Having listened to this video, it's helped me to understand my husband a little better. Hopefully when my husband listens to it he will understand me a little better too.

We're undecided as to whether we should try another cycle. We have said to each other that we won't but I'm still not at peace with this decision as much as I thought I would be.

We weren't emotionally ready for our last cycle. We rushed into it thinking of the age issue. I have a follow-up consultation booked at the clinic at the end of this month. I have told my husband I will cancel it but I don't want to.

I have never cried so many tears as I have in the last few weeks. I need to be sure that we are prepared and we're strong for each other if we try again.

Just wanted to share this with all those women who may be going through something similar.

Xxx

[AlisonO]

Just to let you all know that if you click here infertilitynetworkuk.com/in... you will find all the other webinars that Russell has done for I N UK and you can listen again to any of them.

[DSan in reply to AlisonO]

Thank you Alison

[Lu14]

I'm so sorry to hear that. There are times when I feel like that too. After all the unsuccessful retrievals we've had, I see my husband looking with such disappointment. Its just as hard for me and I'm the one who goes through with it, but sometimes there is no support and that hurts. I have a low ovarian reserve and I'm only 30. The other day he said, well your the problem! Whats the suppose to mean? Give yourself some time and its okay to cry and to not give up. I say give it a try one more time, so that way you are at peace with yourself. Good luck

[Hidden in reply to Lu14]

Lu14 I was pretty shocked hearing your partner blaming you. That isn't kind or helpful.It's not your fault at all you can't help having a low reserve. Please don't feel reaponisble.It's bad enough to get news like that the last thing you need is your partner being unkind about it. I know at times it can be very over welheming and it's normal to feel frustrated and angry at the situation. Been trying now for 3 years 8 months.I've had several issues a premature aging small left ovary, a very low amh/ovarian reserve, a higher tsh (which I'm taking thyroxine for) and recently discovered I've got a cyst on my right ovary and a submuscol fibriod which I'm seeing my gp 2morro who is arranging a referal for me to see a gynae had to put ivf on hold which was tough,but this needs fixing before going ahead. Throughout this my hubby has not blamed me once and not made me feel to blame coz as he says we are in this thing together so I guess I'm quite lucky. I've blamed me which he hates me doing. I have felt at times that he does not care as much as I do about having a baby and at times I'm ashamed to admit this but I have pushed him away. I try not to do that anymore. I realize he does care but men seem to deal with it differantly. He didn't want me to feel bad so he

didn't load on me. My husband is not the perfect man by any means and does wind me up at times!!

Just wanted to finish by saying I'm here if you need to chat or off load. And I hope you're ok. Sending you lots of hugs and remember none of this your fault And we cannot control our bodies if only we could. Take care lovely Xxxx

[DSan in reply to Lu14]

Thank you for your lovely reply Lu14 and it must've been so upsetting to hear those words coming from your husband when this whole journey is stressful enough as it is.

After having spoken to my husband I sent him the Russell Davis webinar and asked him to listen to it. Whether he did or not, Idon't know but one thing he did say was that he wasn't aware it was such a stressful experience for the woman. Because men don't operate on an emotional level, they find it easier to ignore the pain and heartache when a cycle fails especially if it's nothing to do with their side of things. I am generalizing of course as I'm sure there are plenty out there who are the complete opposite. Also, as pointed out in this webinar, men don't want to show their vulnerable sides because they believe themselvesto be the Hunter gatherers and any show of weakness would mean they are failing in their role. What they don't understand is that showing their vulnerability makes them human.

On the day of egg collection, I was already extremely upset. Myhusband hadn't been talking to me for a while. As soon as the embryologist came and told us they had only managed to collect the one egg but his sperm was absolutely fine, I saw how relaxed he became in his whole demeanour while I literally cried but he couldn't bring himself to come over and give me a hug. I told him that was the absolute lowest point for me through the whole procedure.

By the time I had realised the cycle had failed, I had decided that I couldn't take any more and that was it, but when I discussed it with him I found he was open to the idea of trying again. A couple of days later, we had a row and he said that he wasn't up for trying again as things wouldn't improve between us.

Since then we have talked and decided we will give it another shot but be more mentally and physically prepared this time round. If this cycle fails then we'll

know we did everything we

could.

It's still possible to get pregnant

even with a low ovarian reserve (as I keep being told)

but he needs to grow up and realise he needs to do his bit too and providing the sperm isn't the only job of the man when it comes to ivf.

Sorry for any offense caused and I really hope things work out for you for the best.

Take care xxx