I hope everybody's day is going well wherever you are in your IVF process.
So we just finished our first and one and only allotted NHS IVF cycle and my 2WW ended yesterday with a bfn. I was pretty upset, but not surprised. Our embryos were slow to develop and the consultant was pretty grim about our chances at ET, so I have done most of my crying and grieving two weeks ago. The first IVF cycle sometimes doesn't work apparently and is a bit like a scientific exploration (we know ICSI works well for us in fertilising eggs...so that's good and we did produce 37 eggs and good sperm, so that's also good), so we have decided to try again, privately this time. And we are seriously discussing adoption. Perhaps God or fate or whatever is telling us to adopt?
Either way, both my husband and I are very very sad, but not without hope. We have decided to be open minded about having a family in lots of different ways or however it happens and in the meantime to take joy from the wonderful things in our life that we have right now. We are going to spend the next few months getting our life back and recharging our batteries. I'm going to go to the gym and get back to my normal weight (I gained a few pounds through this whole process), go on holiday and do more creative hobbies. Time for a well-earned break! Perhaps I should even have a little counselling? And then it might be time to try again.
This process has been one of the most difficult things I have ever gone through and I know I won't ever completely get over the pain of it. If I cannot have my own baby, it will be a little scar on my heart. But life is like that, full of pain and joy and little scars we are all bound to wear. I'm not sorry I did IVF, I can say we tried our best and I no longer feel so alone because of this forum. I know that there are women out there who feel the same pain as I do and that gives me courage.
So I just wanted to say, well done to all of you! You are very brave to be going through fertility treatment and although society probably won't recognise you as heroines, each and everyone of you is one and I salute your bravery!
Much love and luck to you all xx
ps. I cannot express how happy I am to give up progesterone pessaries. That stuff messes with my brain and makes me crazeee!