Feeling like things are hopeless

Just back from GP appointment feeling like we might as well just give up. I am 37 and we have be TTC for almost a year. Went to GP after 9 months as I had self tested and was sure I wasn't ovulating. Blood test show I was right but also show LH high and last FSH also high ( one before was higher end normal). Had US scan which shows all normal. Today GP informs me I might be going into menopause!!! She is going to refer me on to a specialist but she also tells me that I am not eligible for nhs IVF. We always knew at my age getting pregnant might be tricky but now I just feel the is no point even trying, just feel so deflated

16 Replies

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  • Hi Chimpy2505, sorry you're feeling so low just now. Where abouts in country are you? I thought NHS funding ran to about age 39/40. Do you have any children already as I know that can affect eligibility. Try not to read too much into your GPs words just now as she really doesn't know for sure, and there would always be something that can be done I'm sure. We have been ttc for 3 years (I'm 33) and I went to gp after 4/5 months as my ovulation tests were negative, gp did 3 months of tests- all negative- and I was then referred to gynaecology. So all in had been ttc just over a year when I first saw them- 2 years later we are now in 1st cycle of IVF. I know how frustrating and upsetting anovulation can be- you feel like your body has failed you. You've taken action early so you need to remain positive that steps are being taken xx

  • Thank you so much WeeMrsH for replying. We are in Oxfordshire and neither of us have any children. You are right I do feel like my body is failing me, I have tried to do all the things suggested like loosing some weight, exercising, I have even given up caffeine! I wasn't particularly stressed about it all until today. You are right though I need to try and stay positive. If feel very out of control of it all so am thinking of trying something like reflexology or acupuncture whilst I wait to be referred. Not sure if it will help but I just need to be 'doing' something to help myself! Thank you so much and good luck with your IVF, I will have my fingers crossed for you xx

  • You sound like you are doing everything right. The worst thing is not being in control of any of it, which is what I struggle with. This forum is a brilliant support, everyone is really nice and no question or post is too silly. Everyone is on the same wave length, all thinking and feeling the same emotions. It's been invaluable to me. Good luck! xx

  • Hi Chimpy, My husband and I have been ttc for 2 years so understand how difficult it is!

    Did your GP give you a reason why you aren't eligible for IVF? Sometimes GPs get these things wrong so it's worth checking. I think a referral to a specialist is worthwhile as they will be able to do more tests than your GP and you will be better informed about your choices. There is information about fertility funding on the fertility network uk website so worth having a look.

    Good luck x

  • Thanks Hopeful1982 I will definately have a look. My go didn't give me a reason she just said she didn't think I would be eligible, I assumed because of my age. Hopefully she is wrong x

  • Hello.

    Don't let them get you down....See what you can find out about ivf criteria in your area/speak to the referral point before panicking too much.

    I can sympathise with you about how much it means and to be told things without the hard facts.

    Even without ivf funding, there are still things that can be done and tried....tests to see if there is an underlying issue, potential fixing said problems, medication, clomid.....don't give up!!

    Make an enquiry with your gp about an AMH test.

    You'd be surprised how the specialists/clinics look at the tests results differently to a gp!!

    I think you mentioned acupunture and reflexology? Go for it. It's not cheap, but I did both and I can tell it's helped my body a lot and its you time!!

    It's a heartbreaking process sometimes, but keep determined and focused with stress as minimum as possible.

    X

  • Thanks Hollibob I have already looked into reflexology and will start looking into accupuncture. Great to hear from someone who has tried them and felt they helped x

  • I know how you feel. I am 38 and have been TTC for 2 years. My FSH levels are 10.5. I also have to lose weight before being put on the NHS IVF waiting list. I think I am peri menopausal so time is also a factor. Also my borough is a year long wait

    and they only fund one round of IVF. The odds are definitely stacked against me.

  • Simkins76 it really does help to know I am not alone. I check about nhs IVF last night and I have no chance as you need to be under 35 in our area. I doubt me and hubby could ever afford to go private so things looking really bleak now. I hope you get to the front of the waiting list soon, good luck x

  • Hello chimpy205. So sorry you are having such a rough time. It is hard. I would speak to a clinic just to see what they say. Also maybe consider egg sharing. Brings your costs down from what I understand. But that is a big decision in its self. Me and hubby are now having to pay. But thankfully we all ready have one embryo. So it's not to bad. And we have the luck that our church and my hubby's mum and dad Are willing to help us with it. Try to stay positive hun. Lots of love and hugs. Take care. ️Xx

  • Thanks piglet12 it really does help to know people are out there and that they understand how difficult things can feel x

  • Hi Chimpy2505, I agree with the other ladies that trying reflexology and acupuncture is worth a try as I had a friend who was told she was infertile & her only chance was IVF. She now has 2 boys both conceived naturally!

    The only warning I have is regarding acupuncture. My clinic is a strong advocate of acupuncture but they have recently sent a letter advising not to take the herbal medicines as they can interfere with egg quality and stop a pregnancy occurring.

    Good luck xx

  • Oh and I agree with poochi too, Chimpy - say away from those Chinese Teas. I think the book I recommend does include some of that, but ignore those bits. I tried it, and felt worse afterwards. I'd stick with reflexology, its far more powerful and more people seem to respond to it than with acu. x

  • Read Julia Indichova's book, Inconceivable, she had a crazy high FSH, was even refused treatment privately in New York but she followed a programme of reflexology, certain foods etc, and fell pregnant naturally.

    Sounds like you are already making the right steps anyway health wise but it does take time, it did with me to be honest.

    It's a good read and is motivating. I know at times these seem like 'too good to be true' stories but you are only 37, FSH can fluctuate even throughout 1 day - so I wouldn't take it to heart too much.

    I had a very low, nearly undetectable AMH - but I got pregnant 1st time on IVF and I truly put it down to all my home made walnut milk, healthy diet rich in organic veg and regular walking, no caffeine for years etc etc.

    As for you not getting funding, don't get me started! I didn't despite the fact I was only 36 when I asked the GP and had already been trying for years, and had been diagnosed with severe endometriosis (had to have all treatment for that with expensive private healthcare because, again, GP didn't give a hoot about it) - but the NHS weren't interested and squirmed their way out of giving any help.

    So we payed privately and it's hopefully the best money I ever spent, I am 11 wks pregnant today. I was given max 10% of IVF working, so I am one of those unexpected stories. Oxford were shocked at my response but I do put it down to my uber healthy life style. i know that irritating to read, but it really can make a difference.

    There is definitely always hope.

    As for menopause, it takes about 10 years for that to happen, and there was actually a slot about it on This Morning this week. FSH fluctuates hugely for many years so your chances are not gone, at all. Do you know when you mum had menopause, because that is the strongest indicator of when it will happen for you?

    I've heard far more people having success through reflexology rather than acupuncture, although I have no idea why. Acupuncture never worked for me. Quite a few people I know felt so much better in general after reflexology, I am thinking of trying it to help with my endo pain during pregnancy.

    I had treatment as Oxford too, they were brilliant and I don't regret paying for it. I decided not to fight the NHS CCG, too much stress and effort. It disgusts me how people with self inflicted diseases like smoking and obesity (unless the weight gained was through some other primary disease of course, as opposed to not having the motivation to just cook a decent healthy meal!) - they get so much treatment on the NHS but infertility is not treated as a disease state - but it is a disease state and can and does have far reaching psychological impacts on women and their husbands - as much as any disease does - so I feel your frustration - I was in that boat for years and the memory doesn't fade very easily.

    Any help you need, let us know. Do find out from your mum when her periods finally stopped, I hope she wasn't too young. xx

    Keep us updated on your journey, you will get there.

  • Thank you all so much for your support and advice, Yellowrose it is so good to here that locally there are good options out there, was it the oxford fertility clinic? I think I have seen them on the Internet. I will also be purchasing that book! And definitely booking some reflexology, feeling a bit more positive already. Had already thought about talking to my mum but don't want her worrying about me ( she is a bit of a worrier!!) Perhaps I will talk to her though. Thank you all again, I am very grateful xx

  • Hi, yes - sorry I didn't see your reply. Yes it was OFU, oxford fertility unit. OFU were very good.

    I was the same re telling my mum, so didn't tell her I was having IVF, only told 2 friends who I completely trust. You will probably be under South Central area for CCG and funding, and they are very very bad with IVF funding.

    Maybe just mention something to your mum in passing about menopause, and asked her when she had hers. The clinic will probably want to know too.

    Julia (the author of that book) had a sky high FSH, in 20s I think - she didn't get it down much but she lived healthily and did get pregnant.

    It will happen for you. xx

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